Justice League: The Garfield Cut Part Two
by Jack Spheniscidae Enterprises
Summary: After Atlantis attacks America, Garfield must reunite the Justice League of America to stop the mysterious new threat of Boss Dark Side! Respectfully dedicated to Zack Snyder and Chris Terrio!
1. Chapter 1

Garfield League of America 2 Chapter One The Throne of Atlantis Attacks!

Author's Note: I was not planning to do another tribute fanfic again but then I learned about toxic fandom in DCEU community and decided to write this as PSA to stop it

It was an ordinary sunny day in Orlando, Florida. People did sunbathing on the beach or rollarskating up and down the street. Partaking in the festivities was the teenager Billy Batson who was secretly the superhero Shazam and his foster siblings who were also all secretly superheroes as well.

"Yippee! A week of fun and sun! Vacation is awesome!" Cheered Darla with positivity as she gobbled down her eightieth snow cone.

"It will be tragedy have to go back to being glued to screen in Phladelphia instead of glued to screen on vacation." Agreed Eugene, who was playing video game on Nintendo Switch and not paying attention to where he walked.

"Being superhero is great and all but sometimes I just gotta unwind." Agreed Billy Batson as he whistled at all the sexy older retiree woman he passed.

"Vacation is the game of fools! There are lives we could be saving that we are instead letting die with every second we enjoy ourselves!" Warned Mary Marvel with stick in the mud tone.

"Oh please Mary, even superheroes deserve off-days." Piped in Freddy Freeman with disagreements as he hobbled behind them on crutches because he was cripple and cripples cant move very fast.

"By the way has anyone seen Pedro?" Suddenly Asked Darla with concerns.

"Do not worry I am over here in the water!" Pedro waved from the water where he was treading water, while eating several sandwich footlongs from sjubway in other hand.

"What the hella re you doing Pedro?" Mary Marvel ddemanded to know with dismayment.

"Jared from Subway eats lots of Subway sandwiches and Michael Phelps swims. They both got swole so they are my heroes and I am going to get swole by being like them." Pedro explained with brilliant logic.

"Don't be a sourpussy, Big Sis! You do you and let Pedro do Pedro!" Freddy Freeman laughed as he spanked Mary Marvel's bottom with his crutch making her squeal like a piglet.

"Fine but I still am not comfortable on vacation I have had bad ominous feeling every since we got on plane." Mary Marvel shuddered with paraonia.

"That is just the menstrual cycle I learned that in science class!" Chimed in Darla with helpful suggestions.

With the rest of his family moving on, Pedro paddled further into the ocean as he continued to gulp down Subway like the hungry hungry caterpillar. Just as he was about to take a big bite out of his Meatball Marinara footlong on Italian Herbs & Cheese a meatball slipped and fell into the water.

"Oh gosh darn it! This is tragedy worse than Hurricane Andrew!" Pedro mourned with dejectedness but then he noticed that the water around him was getting way too red for a single sauce covered meatball.

Pedro tried to swim back to shore because the red water was weirding him out but he found that he was making as much progress as a snail in a molasses jar. Suddenly like bobbing apples, his legs burst out and floated right next to him all bloody and mangled!

"Oh no I'm never gonna get swole now!" Cried Pedro with important priorities as he realized that something that bitten off his entire lower body.

Several great white sharks then surrounded and circled Pedro. Pedro however was not afraid.

"I do not need the Full Pedro to defeat you oversized anchovies! Prepare your sharkskin booties for the power of SHAZA" Pedro began but before he could finish saying the word of power that turned him into Green Shazam, a menacing man in shiing gold and green armor burst out of the sea like a torpedo.

As the sun blinded him from getting good view, all Pedro could sea was the new foe raising a trident and flinging it at him with such force that it torn Pedro's head clean off.

The sharks then chowed down, until Pedro was nothing more than bloody bones floating to the bottom of the sea.

"Do not get carried away, my cartilaginous servants!" The sea man ordered with marine telepathy. "This was but the starter course and there is whole beachside buffet of joy waiting for us!"

Meanwhile back at the crowded Orlando beach Billy Batson and Freddy Freeman were approaching a concert on the beach.

"Look Billy Batson, the band AC/DC is playing! They are one of Garfield's favorites!" Freddy Freeman noticed with fanboying as he heard the familiar chorus of "Back in Black" coursing throughout the beach like fine wine down the throat. Freddy Freeman was fan of superheroes and as the ultimate superhero Garfield was the one he loved most of all.

"Let's mosey up and have a listen then." Billy Batson suggested but before they could enjoy AC/DC the audio was suddenly cut off. Then on the speakers everyone a ghastly new song began playing instead of hard hitting classic hard rock.

"What is this auditory abomination?" Freddy Freeman choked as the audio assault forced its way through muffled ears. With horror he realized the music was cover of soft rock classic Africa by Toto but totally wrong.

It was Ocean to Ocean by Pitbull, featuring Rhea!

"Aieeeeee" Screamed AC/DC and all the concertgoers as Ocean to Ocean's evil proved to powerful and their heads all exploded except for Billy Batson and Freddy Freeman cause they shouted "SHAZAM!" in time to save themselves.

Billy Batson and Freddy Freeman turend into Shazam and Blue Shaza!

"Holy moley what could have done such a monstrous attack!" Shazam wailed with horror as he saw peoples heads exploding everywhere.

"Whoever it is, they just killed AC/DC!Amnd their banquet of blood does not stop with these shores!" Blue Shazam pointed to the oceans where sharks, orcas, alligators, and other sealife were eating all the swimmers and surfers.

"Show yourselves, evil-doers, and prepare for a Big Red Beatdown!" Shazam cried out for justice.

A tsunami wave taller than Mount Everest formed in the distance and started barreling towards Orlando, while Ocaen to Ocean continue d playing on a loop.

"They tried to get rid of me, but ocean to ocean, they're gone have to deal with me." Said a hateful voice. It belonged to the meancing sea man as he surfed at the base of the tsunami riding on dolphins, his bushy beard and flowing mane blowing with the ferocious winds.

"Who in blazes is that?" Blue Shazam squinted confusedly at the sea man in the gold and green coming towards them. Freddy Freeman knew all the superheroes and villains but for the love of his life could not recognize this one.

"I AM AQUAMAN KING OF ATLANTIS!" Proclaimed Aquaman with wrath. "I AM HERE TO DESTROY AMERICA TO STOP GLOBAL WARMING."

"Like hell you will! I'll stop you with lightning! Lighting from my hands!" Said Shazam with electricity as he fired lightning from his hands at the oncoming Aquaman. But the attack was to no avail as Aquaman used his fish talking powers to summon up several dolphins to leap out of the water and take the bolts for him.

"You dirty coward!" Shouted Blue Shazam with disgust. "Get off your high seahorse and fight us like a man, Aquaman!"

"America is a nation of tapeworms and lice pretending to be men! YOU DESERVE NO HONOR And you will die like such parasites!" Aquaman whined with no good comeback as he summoned up several sharknados and sent them spiraling towards Orlando to cause more death.

"No Aquaman is far too powerful for even our infinite Shazam powers!" Shazam said as he fired more lighting while Blue Shazam tried to counter the deadly winds by flying real fast like Superman does but it was all futile. The tsunami wave then crashed into Shazam and Blue Shazam wiping them out like grad students with too much drink.

Aquaman stepped onto American soil, declaring his act of war as he plunged his trident down into the back of a survivor trying to crawl away.

On cue, Aquaman's Atlantean troopers emerged from the ocean waters onto land and began picking off survivors following in their king's example. With his wicked Atlantean magic, Aquaman then used his trident to bring an eternal storm crashing down on Orlando. Gray clouds rolled in and drowned Orlando residents with rainfall, while hurricane winds knocked down the buildings killing thousands more.

Elsewhere in the city Mary Marvel and Darla were leaving the petting zoo.

(author's note: Eugene died offscreen because he wasn't paying attention while he was walking cause he was gaming and he fell into the alligator pit at the zoo)

"Hey look Mary sharks!" Exclaimed Darla with an oblivious kids enthusiasm as she saw a sharknado barreling down on them because she really liked animals because she was a kid.

"Silly Darla the sharks are at the aquarium not the zoo." Mary Marvel told her but then she looked up and saw the sharknado as well. Protective Big Sister Instincts then kicked in. Mary Marvel picked up Darla and put her behind her, and got ready to shriek Shazam like the banshee but then the stray winds blew a pufferfish her way.

The pufferfish hit Mary Marvel in the uterus and shot poison all up her system.

"Ooooaggghg." Mary Marvel mumbled as her eyes rolled back and she fainted. Darla tugged at her sleeve trying to wake up her, not really grasping the gravity of the situation.

"Wake up big sis you're gonna miss all the sharkies!" Darla demanded as she started shaking Mary Marvel like a maraca.

"For far too long humans have feasted on fishsticks! Well it's time we dine on ladyfingers!" Said the sharknado as it closed in on Darla and the unconscious Mary Marvel.

All hope seemed to be lost.

Until it wasn't.

In the blanket of gray that had enveloped the sky there was a sudden pinprick of light. Then like a comet descending from the heavesn, something broke through the storm barrier that blasted the clouds to oblivion.

Made in Heaven by Queen started to play as the sharknado screeched to a halt. Darla looked up and saw what looked like an angelic orange fireball bearing down upon the eye of the storm.

The fireball then uncurled into the familiar world-famous shape of a muscular hero man wearing a dusty duster coat and black aviators like a biking western cowboy badass dual wielding two custom-forged Desert Eagles, with a large sword forged from pure red white and blue vibranium strapped to his back. It was Garfield!

"Yay Garfield! He's even better than sharks!" Darla yelled with delight cause Garfield was the number one hero and role model to children everywhere.

"You're a smart batch of cookie dough!" Complimented Garfield with appreciation. "Now let me add some shark fin chips to the batter!"

Garfield then spun around like an upside down tornado, firing bullets from his Desert Eagles, unleashing rainstorm of demise upon the sharks that comprised the sharknado. As he whittled down the numbers, Garfield's unrelenting lead fury drove hundreds of species that had taken millennia to evolve to extinction in mere seconds. All around the amazed Darla bits of shark flesh and blood rained like a rejuvenating shower.

"Is this is what the big girls call [CENSORED] feels like?" Darla clapped as Garfield slayed the last shark and finished its corpse exploding it with a ten point landing.

"Garfield you saved us from a fishy fate! I thought my brother Freddy just foolish fanboy but you really are the ultimate superhero man!" Mary Marvel exclaimed with praises as she came to.

"Just part and parcel of adventuring, sweetheart." Garfield said with casual delivery as he kicked aside shark corpses and examined the destruction all around him. "Now if you young ladies can excuse me, I got an Aquaman to add to the Great Pacific Trash Pile."

"Wait Garfield do not go just yet! We must repay you!" Begged Mary Marvel with longings as she and Darla threw themselves at Garfield's legs and clung on like clamps of love.

"Restrain yourselves, young misses! I am no stinking pederast!" Insisted Garfield with heroic law-abiding American beliefs as he shook Mary Marvel and Darla off.

"If you wait just a spell, you shall not be!" Mary Marvel promised with magics as she and Darla then shouted SHAZAM to turn into Female Shazam and Purple Shazam. Standing in the place of what had been meek mousy children were now fine specimens of virile and nubile womanhood, showing leg and whistling to Garfield.

Garfield admired their curvaceous forms for a bit and wetted his lips but decided he had best chat with his lawyer about these kinds of loopholes first.

With a silent wave of goodbye to the legal-not-legal vixens, Garfield looked towards the storm of the century. Then with stoic passions of burning justice, Garfield cracked his knuckles and strode forward to save the day.

Aquaman was busy preparing coral crosses made ut of the Great Barrier Reef to crucity Shazam and Blue Shazam on when his loyal underling Willem Dafoe ram up to hin with grave urgency in face.

"Willem Dafoe why have you reported back early? Have we liberated Sea World ahead of schedule?" Demanded Aquaman with schedules as he seized Willem Dafoe.

"I have naught but ominous heedings to give, Master Aquaman!" Croacked Willem Dafoe with fear. "All our advance scouting units have gone darker than the ocean bottom!"

"What in the Seven Seas could be causing this?" Roared Aquaman with angers as he shook his fist and flung Willem Dafoe aside. Meanwhile the bloodied and cracked eyes of Shazam and Blue Shazam lit up with hope as from far off they could hear hard-rockin music on loudspeakers that was getting louder by the second.

The loop of Ocean to Ocean by Pitbull ft. Rhea suddenly distorted and cut off as Search And Destroy by The Stooges kicked in. Aquaman's eyes widened in terror as he saw red geysers in the distance and realized it was the blood of his frontline troops. And something emerged out of the gushers of red like a birthday cake surprise but instead of a hot vixen for Aquaman it was the face of death.

It was Garfield, rocking out as he rode on a jetski made of the remains of Aquaman's sharknados as he sailed on the wide rapid rivers of Atlantean blood.

"This is seafood buffet with all you can eat special on Atlanteans!" Garfield said with deadly delivery as he sailed forward, running over Atlantean soldiers or blasting them into sushi chunks with his Desert Eagles.

"Destroy Garfield my looyl lieges!" Aquaman spat with fearful frenzy as Garfield mowed down more of his troopers. "If he falls then no one can stop the righteous destruction of the Great Satan that is America!"

"Fire at will Garfield is but one man and he cannot overcome legion!" Screeched Willem Dafoe with orders as he picked up laser rifle and started firing at Garfield. Wkith skill, Garfield dodged all his blasts without breaking a sweat.

"Legion of American enemies are good for one thing and one thing only: extra wages for the gravedigger." Garfield said jumping off his jetski. The jetski spun out of control and smashed Willem Dafoe into the wall smooshing him.

"Aw drat I knew I should have stayed home today." Moaned Willem Dafoe with regrets as he died and then exploded. As Willem Dafoes bloody ashes rained down all around them Garfield landed and imbued his Desert Eagles with his manly aura and they glowed charged up with his burning red power.

"Not one more step Garfield! Your surface dwelling reign of terror ends here!" Proclaimed the lieutanents of Aquaman, Garth and Kaldur the Aqualads, as they charged up to Garfield twirling nunchuks made of lobsters.

"Kill one Atlantean fool kill the second one free." Quipped Garfield with one bullet as he blasted a single charged shot that ricocheted off everything in sight until it pierced through both Garth and Kaldur killing them instantly. Their corpses fell on top of each other in embarssingly sexual position which Garfield noted with silent amusement as he kicked them aside.

With the entire Atlantean army dead or dying behind Garfield only Aquaman was left standing as quivering mess making shallow charade of courage before him.

"Surrender Garfield! I am still King of the Seven Seas and with my Trident I control all life of the ocean!" Proclaimed Aquaman as he waved his trident menacingly.

"Your Seven Seas are nothing but where the sewers of my Fifty States lead to." Said Garfield with patriotism as he loaded up his guns for another bullet barrage. "I wonder if your corpse can fit down the drain."

"Not so fast Garfield lets see how touch you are without your guns to protect you!" Aquaman stated as he used his fish talking powers to summon Topo the Octopus that leapt out of a nearby puddle and snatched Garfield's Desert Eaglesand broke them with tencacle squeezing.

"Headstrong fool. I was ridding the world of villainous miscreants like you before firearms were invented." Replied Garfield with no worries as he lifted his mighty boot and stomped Topo so hard all his guts and octo-ink spilled out like an leaky jelly donut and he exploded.

Garfield then reached behind him and unsheathed his sword. Aquamans eyes widened with a babies fears as in the sunlight reflected off it he saw untold mysteries and glories of ancient empires of all known hypertime and unknown worlds beyond this plane of reality. And he knew that the homefield advtange was Garfields.

"Blessed by all cosmic glories of lasagna and sheathed in the forges of Lasagna Heaven itself for me this is LASAGNA SWORD GARFIELD." Garfield announced as he hoisted his blade high up into the sky and from the heavens above descended a lasagna lightning bolt that zapped onto the tip of the blade imbuing it and Garfield with EXTRA POWER.

Everyone from Shazam Family to th e survirors of both sides looked on with building anticipation of the looming duel.

"Injustices! By what right does the figurehead of a diseased cesspit deserve such heavenly blessings?" Whined Aquaman with jealousy as he charged at Garfield with impaling trident intents.

"Because I am a real American. I fight for the justice and rights of every man. I FIGHT FOR WHAT'S RIGHT." Recited Garfield with badass creed as with sword on in one hand he did barehanded royal guard block of Aquaman's attack.

"Third world leeches like yourself see your misfortunes and blame everyone but yourselves. You spin fairy tales out of radioactive acid clouds that if you throw terrorist fit and hate America enough everything will become alright. Well I'm here to deliver your from delusions." Garfield slashed Aquaman up into the air and leapt up after him. Garfield sliced and diced Aquaman, before punting him into a sand dune.

"MMPMPMGSFA!" Aquaman swallowed sand with humiliation as Garfield landed in front of him, throwing sand into his eyes and blinding him. Aquaman then spat out some sand.

"Damn you Garfield! We are not so unlike! Can you not see that what I have done is greater good, to stop the climate change ravaging our worlds?" Begged Aquaman with appeal of mercy.

"Whatever sales pitch you had was tossed into shredder when killing innocents became top method in spreading your agenda! I fight for what's right, and I know what's right right now is punishing your wicked slaughter!" As these words left Garfield's mouth, his desire for justice caused the excess power ebbing and flowing in an aura around him concentrated with the core of his soul. Aquaman watched on in horror as Garfield's form seemed to change before him, ascending to a state of being beyond mere manhood.

"SHIN MAJIN LASAGNA TRIGGER!" Shouted Garfield with pure heart and passion as he sprouted six red white and blue angel wings his muscles grew ten times and his skin turned into natural armor as horns that could fire fireworks shot out of his head.

"IDIOT AMERICAN! TRUE JUSTICE IS ON MY SIDE AND I WILL PREVAIL! HISTORY WILL RECORD THIS AS START OF BOLD NEW ERA." Screeched Aquaman with final delusions as he used his trident to take control of the water and send a tidal wave coming Garfield's wave.

"The only record you'll make is a red wiki page and a footnote in my biography." Told Garfield with the cold hard truth as Lasagna Sword Garfield charged up for overdrive attack and with a single slash Garfield sent several shockwaves that destroyed the tidal wave and crashed into Aquaman stunning him like a highway car pile up.

"When I am done with you Aquaman, you will rot like a Jack O'Lantern in Christmastime." Garfield said as he charged at Aquaman with stinger stab. As Garfield impaled Aquaman, he quickly pulled out and unleashed a million stabs on every bit of Aquaman.

"NOOOOOOOOO." Aquaman screamed with pains as Garfield tore and severed his flesh and bone till Aquaman was more skeleton than man.

As Garfield's judgement abated, Aquaman crumpled as he landed. Aquaman reached for his trident, calling out to all sealife.

"Save your king, subjects of the ocean!" Begged Aquaman with fright but to his devastated horror Aquaman heard no voices where one there had been infinites.

"Your kingdom sees that you are fit only to rule the compost heap. I'll make sure you're the right size." Garfield said mercileesslly as he stomped on Aquaman's arm breaking it.

Garfield picked up the trident and heard a faint song. Garfield then got great idea and telepathically sent out a signal.

"Ha ha Garfield you know not what you call! Not even I could control that monster! You are good as dead!" Laughed Aquaman with wheezing through broken ribs and punctured lungs. The air crackled with electricity and radiation as beneath the waves of the ocean, something lit up. Hearts of all pounded with anticipation as suddenly rising from beneath the waves came a colossal reptilian kaiju.

Garfield had summoned Godzilla! Godzilla took a look at Garfield and roared, before blasting atomic breath towards the heavens.

"Godzilla! I stand before you with a False King long overdue for the catacombs of sinners! From one king to another shall you join me in sending this pauper upon his way?" Garfield asked Godzilla as he hoisted Aquaman up before the King of Monsters by the neck.

Everyone else watched with anticipation as they saw Godzilla and Garfield stare off not knowing if Godzilla would attack or not. But then Godzilla lifted his head back and roared agreeing roar and his dorsal fins lit up as he began charging new atomic attack.

"Garfield please spare me! I promise as long as I live I will never attack America again!" Aquaman sniveled at Garfield.

"I believe you. Enjoy the rest of your life." Garfield said to Aquaman with a wink. Aquaman smiled a fool's smile before Garfield raised his hand and shaped it into a fist. Aquaman then sank in heart and soul.

"Let me send you on your way with a nice friendly SHORYUKEN!" Garfield tossed screaming Aquaman up into the sky. As Aquaman fell back to Earth Garfield leapt up and unleashed a blazing dragon punch onto Aquaman. Embued with his lasagna trigger powers, the shoryuken was so strong that Aquaman was sent flying beyond the stratosphere.

As atmospheric reentry burned Aquaman, Garfield scaled Godzilla until he was at the kaiju's head. Coordinating Godzilla's aim, Garfield pointed at the shooting star that was Aquaman.

"King of the Monsters, show that fish out of water to the FINAL FRONTIER!" Garfield ordered and Godzilla roared before unleashing the most powerful atomic breath he had ever shot.

"No Boss Dark Side promised me it would not end this way!" Aquaman said with foreboding foreshadowing until he screamed and screamed until his throat exploded as the atomic breath washed all over him. Godzilla blasted Aquaman until all his flesh had been sheared off his skeleton and finally his very existence itself annihilated on a subatomic level.

"I don't know about global warming but Aquaman's life for sure is now a hoax." Said Garfield with political wit as he exited his Lasagna Trigger form and hopped off Godzilla before breaking Aquaman's trident in two over his knee.

"Thanks for the help there, Big G, you are a real pal. Give Mothra my regards and remind her to call me sometime." Garfield said with respect to Godzilla as the two exchanged two thumbs ups. With a roaring goodbye, Godzilla waved and returned to the ocean depths as Garfield saluted him.

"That was amazing Garfield! You sure saved us from a pickle here!" Billy Batson congratulated Garfield as he ran up having changed back from Shazam and Garfield gave him an acknowledging nod.

"Wow Billy Batson I never thought we would get to meet Garfield! He puts our superheroics to shame!" Said Freddy Freeman with admiration as he limped up on his crutches.

"I admire your justice spirit kids but next time contact professionals in event of Crisis." Garfield told Billy Batson and Freddy Freeman with mentorly advice as he handed them business cards with the contact info of Garfield and his Justice League of America.

"We will remember that, Garfield!" Said Freddy Freeman with promises with giddiness as Garfield signed an autograph for him and gave him a high-five.

"What will you be doing now Garfield? Aquaman destroyed Disney World after all." Asked Billy Batson with curiosity.

"The feature film may be over but stick around you never know what will pop up after the credits." Garfield winked as a submarine washed up on shore as Waiting For A Girl Like You by Foreigner started to play. The hatch to the submarine popped open and out climbed a gorgeous middle-aged woman in white scales and graceful blonde hair.

It was Nicole Kidman! Nicole Kidman then held her dainty hand out to Garfield.

"Hello Garfield Aquaman was my son and thanks to motherly weakness I could never bring myself to discipline him when he had his ravings about destroying America." Informed Nicole Kidman with sadness as Garfield helped her onto the beach.

"Had he been content to rave in madness I would have left him alone. But ravings became action and I had no choice but to vanquish him like the frost in spring." Said Garfield with no remorse.

"You did what you have to. Once the Boss Dark Side got into his head all currents lead to hell. But that is all I know of his corrupter." Nicole Kidman said with acceptance before communicating miseries. "Garfield I should not mourn a king that became a jester. But yet my heart aches with a mother's love."

Upon hearing this a light went off in Garfield's head.

"Well fine wine, let us tangle like the jellyfishes. I will help you forget having to love as a mother and remember what it is to be loved as a daughter. Shining Starfish, just call me daddy." Flirted Garfield with comforting romantics.

"Oooh Garfield you are just what I needed! I'll give you the keys to both my kingdoms!" Swooned Nicole Kidman as she let Garfield scoop her up and carry her to their submarine.

"We will make storms of love so great the rains shall bless even the plains in Africa." Winked Garfield as he planted a kiss on Nicole Kidman's lips before he closed the hatch. Billy Batson and Freddy Freeman hooted and cheered Garfield on as the submarine sank back below the waves and made a beeline to Atlantis.

As Nicole Kidman led Garfield to her Atlantean Queen's throne room for evening of under the sea romance, Garfield put Depeche Mode's It's No Good on for mood setting as he stretched his Black Manta to full length.

Though Garfield and the Justice League of America would soon have to deal with the mysterious menace of Boss Dark Side, for now America and the world could rest easy as Garfield made the sweetest of loves to the Queen of the Seas. As her red lobster pinched his sperm whale, Garfield wrapped all around Nicole Kidman like the giant squid of pleasure and made her moan like the singing humpback.

Atlantis and all coastlines shook and shuddered with each massive thrust of sexuality Garfield into Nicole Kidman like a deep sea diver digging for pearls.

"Ooooh Garfield you are my Ocean Master!" Nicole Kidman howled like the sea lion as loving sensations overwhelmed every ounce of being and she went slack as Garfield began to reel her in with the ultimate rod of massive manly lovemaking.

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

Garfield League of America 2 Chapter Two – Darkseid Is!

It was early morning in Garfield's luxury penthouse in the heart of Metropolis. The night before Garfield had just gotten back from defeating the epic multiverse-spanning threat of the Gentry and needed a deep rest up.

Garfield yawned as he rose all rejuvenated and energized for another day of adventuring and taking names, next to several naked Wonder Womans from across the Multiverse who still slept.

"Oooh Garfield your thunderbolt is more impressive than Daddys shock me again!" Mumbled Wonder Woman of New 52 as she tumbled and tossed in her sleep, fingering herself as Garfield still made love to her in her dreams.

"Sorry kitten, daddy's gotta go work. Play with yourself for a bit, hear?" Garfield smiled as New 52 Wonder Woman rolled over onto Pre-Crisis Earth-1 Wonder Woman, DCAU Wonder Woman, and DCEU Wonder Woman and all four began sleepkissing and sleeplicking one another.

Garfield got washed and dressed then walked to his kitchen where he prepared himself a breakfast of lasagna with a side of lasagna toast and a lasagna mojito.

"Hmm good nights sleep check lasagna breakfast check all I need now is just some baddies to pummel." Garfield ran down checklist as he forked the delicious lasagna into his mouth.

At that moment Garfield's good friend Superman flew by the window and knocked.

"Hey Superman what's on our asskicking agenda today?" Asked Garfield with curiosities.

"Lois Lane has it on good word that my old foe Lex Luthor is visting Darkseid's nightclub of evil the Dark Side Club in Gotham City today to sign evil deals!" Superman informd Garfield with the insiders scoop.

"Darkseid owns Dark Side Club? Could this have anything to do with this Boss Dark Side I have heard so much about?" Wondered Garfield with possibilities as he finished his breakfast.

"Well only one way to find out buddy." Superman smiled as he cracked his Kryptonian knuckles.

"I'm with you. Let's break our first eggheads of the day." Garfield said with action as he leapt out of his chair grabbed his jetpack and Lasagna Sword Garfield and hopped out the window.

"I cannot believe that Lex Luthor and Darkseid are back from the dead already. It feels like just yesterday when I killed them in a previous adventure." Commented Garfield as he passed by the Daily Planet and waved to Lois Lane and all the other hot woman journalists inside.

"It is inevitable consequence of every one of our time and multiverse altering adventures!" Superman stated with science. "But if they keep getting back up, it is up to use to put them back down!"

Garfield and Superman then flew to where the Dark Side Club was in Gotham City.

Garfield and Superman then arrived at the Dark Side Club. As they approached the front door, the doorman Bouncer Parademon stepped up and held up stopping hand.

"Sorry but Dark Side Club is not open until night! Please come back later." The Bouncer Parademon told Garfield with politeness.

"Oh, I think you'll see that it is night soon enough." Superman said with a wink.

"NIGHT NIGHT." Garfield then said as he and Superman both threw a punch to both sides of the Bouncer Parademon's head, knocking him out.

"You can add garbageman to your resume, bugface." Quipped Garfield as he lifted the unconscious Bouncer Parademon and flung him into a nearby trash bin.

Garfield then kicked down the door to the Dark Side Club and he and Superman were met almost instantly by a wave of revulsion. Inside the Dark Side Club was gaudy eyesores of ugly deformity that passed for art furniture all the drinks were overpriced the dancers were overweight and hairy and the only music they played was Italo-Disco.

"If it is not my old foes, the Cat and the Kryptonian! You wished to experience the departure from your mortal coil again so quickly in your insignificant lives?" Threatened Darkseid as he stepped into view from a balcony. Darkseid was dressed in a white Armani suit holding a jeweled cane and smoking a fat Cuban cigar. Joining him was Lex Luthor sipping his favorite drink of Granny's Peach Tea.

Upon seeing Garfield, Lex Luthor spat out all of his Peach Tea. As the yellow sweetness dribbled down his chin, Lex Luthor went ballistic.

"Darkseid you did not tell me that Garfield and Superman would interfere! I see your Anti-Life Security is as secure as a virgin in prison! OUR DEAL IS OFF!" Screamed Lex Luthor like a squirrel under a humvee tire as he shoved Darkseid aside and ran away.

"Damn it! I was about to close all important deal for a New Age of Evil with Lex Luthor and you ruined it, you interlopers! You will suffer!" Raged Darkseid as he smashed his fists together and the Omega Symbols on his body glowed.

"Garfield! You go after Lex Luthor! I will mop Darkseid and his underlings up like an unfinished jigsaw!" Superman asked Garfield as Superman reloaded his fists readying for a beatdown.

"No Superman. You are my friend and friends do not abandon each other no matter what! Let Lex Luthor run for there is nowhere in this metaverse he can hide from my justice." Garfield refused with friendship for he knew that Darkseid was formidable foe and would not risk letting a friend die for him. Garfield then jumped to Superman's side and whipped out two All-American Colt Walkers as a bar fight broke out.

Dozens of Parademon Goons surrounded Superman and Garfield. Overseeing them with a New God man dressed in Renaissance garb sipping a glass of fine wine. It was Darkseid's elite assassin Kanto.

"So you are the famous Garfield who has felled so many of my Apokoliptan brethren? Let us see if you are worthy of earning an audience with my blade!" Kanto challenged as he first sent his Parademons in waves at Garfield and Superman.

With punches Superman and Garfield took down many Parademons. The numbers of Parademons they faced were legion, but the two superheroes were not afraid for they were men and what they faced were mere bacteria by comparison.

"Parademons! My favorite kind of finger food!" Garfield joked as he gunned down several Parademons pulling triggers rapidly while doing stylish dodges and flips.

"FOR DARKSEID! APOKOLIPS IS GREAT!" Several Parademons yelled as they ripped open their chests to reveal they were suicide bombers and rushed Garfield but before any suicide bombing could be pulled off Superman swooped by and froze them solid with superbreath.

"Don't forget to tip your barman." Superman joked as he lined the frozen Parademons up in a row like dominos. Garfield then leapt at them with a taekwondo flying kick and sent them crashing into one another and shattering like glass hitting concrete.

Seeing Garfield slaughter his minions, Kanto was impressed and quickly his desire for worthy duel overrode his common sense that he was out of his league. Kanto leaped in front of Garfield and withdrew his rapier.

"Across the Multiverses and Infinite Endlessness of Time I have searched for a worthy opponent! And at last I have found one in you Garfield! Fight me mano a mano!" Kanto proclaimed with joy as he held rapier in challenging position.

"Worthy opponent? All I see before me is overdressed pigeon who splashes himself in the garb of eons past and dresses up his misdeeds in the name of the fighting mans arts to give his meaningless existence fullness where there is nothing but emptiness. Ally of the Darkest Evil, you are no worthy opponent and you shall die as such." Garfield said with a refuting speech laced with disgust for the pompous braggart before him.

"Nooooo! I will have your respect Garfield when I pierce the last life from your body!" Kanto shrieked as he charged with his rapier.

"The only respect you will get is that of the worms for the nourishment your body will provide them." Replied Garfield with slick rebuttal as he dodged Kanto's awkward charge and Kanto found himself staring right down the barrel of Garfield's Colt Walkers.

"Take a walk on the dead side." Garfield quipped with revolvers as he pulled the triggers and blasted Kantos head clean off.

"I'm glad you got that jumped up miscreant done and over with, Garfield. Now let us be on our way to dispose of Darkseid like uneaten pizza crusts!" Superman applauded Garfield's battle prowess as Garfield stepped over Kantos headless corpse.

Garfield and Superman then walked over to a door that said Darkseid's Office on the front.

Superman tried the door but found that it was barricaded from the inside. He gave Garfield a knowing nod and stepped aside.

With the fury of a thousand hungry hungry hippos Garfield pulled back and GARFIELD PUNCHED the door down. As the remains of the door collapsed, the dust cleared to reveal Darkseid cowering behind his desk as he seethed with the fury of glowing red eyes.

"Surrender now, Boss Dark Side, and perhaps the Hague will be merciful!" Superman offered with ultimatum.

"Boss Dark Side? You fools I am not Boss Dark Side! Do you think that is simply because my name is Darkseid and I run Dark Side Club? THAT IS STUPID. YOU ARE STUPID, SUPERMAN." Darkseid ranted with derangedness and big revelation.

"If you are not Boss Dark Side then who is? ANSWER TO ME!" Garfield said with interrogations as he leapt onto Darkseids desk and seized Darkseid by the collar, shaking and slapping him with brass knuckles wildly.

"I do not know I only knew that Boss Dark Side was sudden emerging threat to my plan for eternal empire of forever evil! Lex Luthor and I were to have joined forces to better combat that threat but you have ruined it like wet tissue paper! SO I WILL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO RUIN YOU GARFIELD!" Darkseid roared and the shockwaves of his vocals blasted Garfield off him.

"I'LL COOK YOU WORSE THAN A WELL-DONE STEAK, BOY." Said Darkseid with barbeque as he fired his Omega Beams at Garfield.

"Damn beating this will be trickier than a virgin asking you to stay the night at her dad's!" Said Garfield with frustrations as he zigged and zagged all over the room but no matter where he went the Omega Beams were locked on him and kept following.

Garfield tried to block the beams with Lasagna Sword Garfield but even his legendary blade was powerless against Darkseid's ultimate power!

"Ugggggh!" Garfield said as the Omega Beams collided with Lasagna Sword Garfield and the force of the collision smashed him against the wall. Stunned Garfield was helpless as the Omega Beams closed in. Desperate, Garfield scrambled for one Colt Walker shot, hoping that it could be enough to wound Darkseid enough for Superman to finish him.

"You are not alone, old friend! Let me lend a helping beam!" Superman intruded with heat vision, blasting furious red lasers at Darkseid.

Superman's heat vision and Darkseid's Omega Beams were locked in war of attrition with neither gaining ground. Darkseid's power was relentless and Superman felt himself breaking a sweat for the first time in ages but he refused to let up.

"Why do you resist, Last Son of Krypton? You may be super but you are still but a mortal standing insolent before the God! In time the Omega Effect shall overwhelm your puny essence and your world shall find its destined meaning in Anti-Life! Better to beg now to be made my plaything! For this world of Earth – all of its history, culture, and achievements will be nothing against one inevitable constant. Darkseid is!" Taunted Darkseid as he upped his power. Darkseid was so focused on defeating Superman that he did not notice Garfield struggling to his feet or the subtle slow building up of Hans Zimmer's Superman theme music from Man of Steel movie.

"I've always wondered what that stupid Darkseid Is slogan of yours meant. How 'bout Darkseid Is Blind Idiot for double points?" Garfield lifted both his Colt Walkers fully loaded.

"That's a good one, Garfield." Superman said with agreement.

"Jackpot!" Garfield said as he got into cool gunslinging pose and fired at Darkseid's eyes.

Darkseid screamed with the pain of an infant crawling over shards of broken glasses and needles as Garfield's bullets burst his eyeballs like a hot apple pie. Darkseid's Omega Beams sputtered out and the Apokoliptan tyrant fell to his knees clawing at the pain where his eyes once were.

"Leave the rest to me!" Superman said as his theme music went into full gear and he swooped into Darkseid.

Superman tackled Darkseid into the sky before uppercutting him with so much power Darkseid was sent flying out of the atmosphere.

Superman chased after Darkseid into outer space and while the doomed New God spiraled helpleesly Superman zipped in and out with punches more powerful than all the boxing champions of history put together.

"You asked me why I resist the evil you and your ilk, Darkseid. Because someone must stand for light against the dark!" Superman seized Darkseid by the neck and held him up.

"You think that destroying me shall change anything, Kal-El?" Darkseid cursed with defiance. "The corporate suits and lab accidents you call foes are nothing compared to me! I am more than flesh and blood to slay! I am an idea, a concept resonating across the Multiverse! I shall plunge the souls of all worlds forever in despair and damnation! Even in death Darkseid Is! I WILL RETURN SUPERMAN! I WILL DESTROY YOUR LOVERS AND YOUR FRIENDS AGAIN AND AGAIN! I SHALL DELIVER TO YOU A NIGHT OF ANGUISH THAT NEVER ENDS! AND YOU SUPERMAN WHEN THAT END COMES YOU SHALL BEG TO DIE FOR DARKSEID!"

Superman heard all of this blustering from Darkseid. He thought about it for a second knowing that Darkseid was likely right that he could not be stopped forever. Superman yawned and then shrugged.

"Come crawling back whenever you feel like it, Darkseid. I'll be waiting for you. Because this is my world and I will protect it until my very last." Superman proclaimed and then he threw Darkseid into the sun.

"No not fun in the sun! How could this get any worse?" Darkseid howled with pure inhumanity as he tried to claw his way out of the sun, thrashing with the fullest of strengths even as he was torched all over.

Superman then grabbed a passing comet and with some signature Superman genius, shaped and fashioned it into an electric guitar.

"Well Darkseid, I heard that you always hated music. So let the good times roll!" Superman winked and then he launched into a cosmic rock and roll symphony.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO. YOU AND GARFIELD HAVE NOT SEEN THE LAST OF ME SUPERMAN!" Darkseid cried as Superman played Just What I Needed by The Cars and used the hypersonic sound waves generated by his Kryptonian super strumming to overwhelm all of Darkseid's being and force him into the heart of the sun where he would be trapped.

"Oh, I'm thinkin' I have. You'll have to pass your regards onto Superman One Million!" Superman waved good-bye to Darkseid as he disappeared beneath the suns flames, knowing that Darkseid would not be getting out for a long time.

Superman then flew back to Gotham City, where Garfield had finished lining the Dark Side Club up with C4 explosives. Night had fallen over Gotham City, ushering in the moment where the city truly awoke.

"Thanks for the save, Superman. Who knows what would've happened if Darkseid's beams shot me? Last thing I needed is another wacky time travel adventure." Garfield said with gratitude as Superman landed.

"No worries, bud. I know you'd do the same for me. So how about we call closing time at the bar?" Superman noted as he and Garfield turned and walked away from the Dark Side Club with their backs turned.

"Indeed, friend. Any stragglers of Darkseid will have to finish their whiskey or beer in hell." Said Garfield with explosives as he pressed the trigger for his C4, sending Darkseid's den of decadence sky high.

"Well we closed down a lousy nightclub and ended an intergalactic tyrant's terror. Pretty fruitful day." Superman commented as he got ready to fly back to Metropolis.

"Yes but the biggest apple on the tree has eluded us yet. This lead in my investigation into Boss Dark Side is dead end!" Garfield mused as despite his victory he had feeling there were deadlier battles to be fought yet.

"Don't fret, Garfield. Lex Luthor is still out there and that shiny dome of his probably has a dirty secret or two!" Superman cheered Garfield up with a pat on the back.

Garfield then noticed the Lasagna Signal, the special signal he had given his old friend Commissioner Gordon from the Prohibition Days of Chicago to replace the bat-signal of Gotham's disgraced and fallen hero Batman, lighting up the night sky.

"Want to come over for dinner, Garfield? Lois Lane is baking lasagna tonight and is aching to see you again." Superman said with invitations.

"Sorry Superman, but my date with Lois Lane's lasagna is gonna have to wait. The night is but young and there's still adventure to be had." Garfield waved good-bye to Superman as he nodded and flew off. As the Last Son of Krypton flew home, the First Son of Lasagna Garfield dusted himself off and then leapt the tall buildings of Gotham in a single bound towards the GCPD where his next escapade awaited.

Meanwhile elsewhere in Gotham City Lex Luthor blindly stumbled out of alleyway soaked in his own peach tea. All day since he had laid eyes on Garfield the Metropolis Megalomaniac had run around in fear like a headless chicken, running whenever his fear and the road took him.

"Oh that damn Garfield! Always interfering with my plans and bringing that infernal Superman along with him as well! One day I will finaly destroy him!" Seethed Lex Luthor with pure hatred as he turned a corner and saw he was at a set of stairs leading down to a lower street.

"Garfield will be destroyed but not by you! But you will have front row spectators seat from Hades' comedy club!" Said a nihilistically humorous new voice.

From the bottom of the stairs, a figure emerged from the shadows as Skrillex's Purple Lamborghini song played. Lex Luthor squinted and saw that this was a lithe, dancing man in a gangsta purple coat and track pants with no shirt showing exposed tattooed skin underneath. There was something familiar about this man, like Lex Luthor had met him before perhaps even worked with him, but also totally awash in strangeness.

"Stay back!" Lex Luthor warned as he waved arms maencingly at the stranger. "Do you know who I am? How easily I can destroy your life with the press of a button?"

"Got no button on you now though! But no worries! I can lend you mine!" The man ignored Lex Luthor's warnings and waltzed up the stairs. As he did he flung something that doinked Lex Luthor on the nose. Lex Luthor frowned and picked it up. It was a clothing button, like Corduroy the Bear's.

"What is the meaning is? Is this a joke?" Asked Lex Luthor and he got a sudden realization as the last word left his mouth. But it was too late as tiny spinning razor blades burst out of the button's sides andsliced his fingers off.

"Aaaaaaaagh!" Lex Luthor cried and he fell, collapsed in pain. He looked pu in time to see the face of his attacker. As the green-haired all-white face covered all over in tattoos including iconic Damaged Tattoo on forehead came into view, Lex Luthor knew that he was at the mercy of none other than The Joker.

"Joker! How can it be Garfield killed you!" Lex Luthor bawled in confusion.

"You can't keep a good joke down." The Joker replied mysteriously and then he sadistically ripped off Lex Luthor's wig and lit a match on Lex Luthor's bald head. The Joker then smoked a cigarette and leered at Lex Luthor.

"Don't kill me Joker! We are on the same side! We both want Garfield dead!" Lex Luthor begged as The Joker took his head by his gloved hands and rubbed all over.

"Oh Lexy don't be sad! C'mon now… smile. You didn't just become some marvelous superheroine while I was away, did ya?" The Joker said with timely pop culture joke as he traced lines for him to follow with his cigarette on the corners of Lex Luthors mouth. Lex Luthor screamed and kicked but he knew there was no escape and he brewed the biggest batch of peach tea he had ever brewed and even baked some coffee pound cake.

"How considerate! You brought yourself a last meal! But a tight frownypuss like you, I don't know if you can fit any of that in your mouth! But don't worry, Uncle Joker's here to help you OPEN WIDE!" The Joker cackled as he flicked open a switch blade and stuck it into Lex Luthor's mouth.

The Joker cut to the right, and then cut to the left. And cut and cut until Lex Luthor was more extinct than the T-Rex.

It felt good to be back. But the fading light bulb before him was little more than warm-up, tired old slapstick and passionless stand-up, for the main attraction.

The co-star of the show had no idea what surprises The Joker had in store for him.

The Joker smacked his lips and wondered how good Garfield's orange fur would look all soaked in red blood.

To be continued…


	3. Chapter 3

Garfield League of America 2 Chapter Three – All-New All-Daring Joker Rebirth!

A few hours later The Joker had killed an entire Subway car of passengers and was riding the subway meaninglessly in a loop.

Something horrible had just happened to The Joker that threw his whole plan for killing Garfield for a curve into the ocean of purgatory spinning.

"How could this have happened to me, the Gentleman Prince of Crime?" Demanded The Joker as he lamented the harshness of the Universe's Cruelty and his mind tumbled into painful flashback to a few hours ago.

In the monochrome world of The Joker's flashback The Joker was in high spirits after killing Lex Luthor and thinking of ways he could direct this energy into the ultimate gag, the first and final destruction of America and Earth's ultimate hero Garfield.

"I will need to cream a little in my coffee before I go." The Joker remarked as he rubbed his chin and pulled out his phone.

SORRY BABE 4 THE WAIT BUT IM BACK READY 2 REV UR HARLEY The Joker wrote in a text that he then sent to his girlfriend Harley Quinn.

The Joker waited for hours for a response just sitting where he was letting so many crimes he couldl have committed just pass by and add onto the unpaved road of untaken paths in life. But he did not even get a notification that his text had been read.

Finally The Joker got fed up of waiting.

"What got into this womanfolk? Usually she is more punctual in replying to mey text flirting than the porcupine! But now she is scarcer than DVD of The Day The Clown Cried!" The Joker complained with cinema comedy history reference as he stomred off to the derlelict comey club where his secret gang headquarters was piror to his untimaly death at Garfield's hands.

When The Joker arrived at his secret hq where there used to be hundreds of clown-faced gangstas there was only Bob the Goon left. Bob the Goon sat unwashed in decaying clothes on a stool built of his own hardened stools, almost skeletal.

"Joker you are back! I knew death wouldn't keep you from blessing Gotham with the funnies!" Bob the Goon spang to life and worshipped with sycophantism.

"Bob the Goon where the blazes is everyone! My man cave is emptier of laughs than a Adam Sandler movie!" The Joker ranted as he tore through the nearly unfurnished pad with the ferocity of a midwest twister.

"Joker you have been dead for a year. Except for yours truly everyone else has since joined Black Masks gang because he offers free medical insurance and retirement without execution unlike you." Informed Bob the Goon with dire news as loyalty still sparked for The Joker in his glazed over bloodshot eyes.

"Who the hell is Black Mask? Could the fool have come up with more insipid uninspired name for villainy? Damn it you cannot depend on criminality for anything!" The Joker fumed before he took a deep breath. "Tell me did this Black Mask gagster steal my Harley as well?"

"No Joker he did not..." The Joker breathed relief but then Bob the Goon finished his sentence."… but that is only because Garfield got his paws on her first." Bob the Goon hesistated speaking but finally spilled the full burned beans for The Joker.

"MOTHER OF MERCY WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS SOCIETY?" The Joker went utterly ballistic upon hearing the news. Seething red and all that, The Joker seized Bob the Goon by the neck.

"Joker noo wait I am just messenger and were all my years of loyalty for nothing?" Bob the Goon pleaded with fear.

"If I start rewarding loyalty now then that will never be the end of it." The Joker stated bluntly with the importance of keeping up image.

Bob the Goon wept for his mother and the Virgin Mary.

"Don't cry Bob the Goon, I have special last joke just for you as consolation. It's a real gutbuster." The Joker joked but not very humorously as he reached and ripped out Bob the Goon's innards barehanded.

As Bob the Goons' corpse sprawled out as The Joker dropped it, The Joker watched his smileless reflection in the expanding deep red pool of Bob the Goon's blood. (this is a visual reference to the ending of Dario Argento's classic giallo thriller Deep Red) And whebn The Joker looked up he realized that he was all alone with nothing but corpses and rotting foundations in an empty comedy club.

"Is this the final harvest my illustrious career as Gotham's Clown Prince of Crime has yielded?" The Joker said to himself and realized how all the funny had been saped out of his rejuvenated rebirth spirit by one simple revelation.

he Joker realized he was washed out hasbeen who had all his henchman stolen by an upstart hotshot and his woman stolen by his greatest nemesis. Is this how society had chosen to reward him? Something was so very wrong with it then The Joker decided.

The Joker found a chair that was setill in one piece and slujmpe down in it, popped open a warm expired and flat grape fanta from his moldy cooler not sure what to do next as hedrank.

To set the atmosphere for what happened next , Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb from The Wall album and movie began to play. The Jokers eyes started getting heavy and bfore he knew it he was halluicanting.

The Joker found himself reliving important events from his past from traumatic childhood to struggling career as failed stand-up comedian to offing Jason Todd Robin and getting pummeled b Batman for it. And inserted in all these events as the meddler behind his calamities was Garfield , his cruel orange will enforcing itself upon helpless The Joker, even in the events where it was Batman that ruined him.

The Joker then found himself wandering down several hall of mirrors, each door leading to a new hall with a Joker of times past. The Joker saw himself as he had reinvented himself over the years to stay fresh for his arch-enemy, first the Batman and then the even bigger catch of Garfield.

The Joker silently bounced down memory lane as he saw himself turn from a campy jokester to a menacing crime boss to a agent of chaos and finally the tattooed damaged gangsta.

And The Joker reached a door that looked brand new. That had never been opened. The Joker then knew that it was leading to another rebirth.

Just as The Joker reached for the handle, he woke up. He looked at the blood on his hands and wiped it off with a handkerchief.

But then saw after wiping instead of no blood his entire hand was bloodied with the entirety of the blood he had shed throughout his long career as a supervillain ever since one bad day had set him upon this path. But was it really the fault of one bad day or just his warped mind finding something external to pass the blame onto? The Joker rubbed with fast furiosity but none of the blood wiped off. The Joker felt strange, hazy, like his mind was somewhere else entirely than his body at the present.

"How strange. Perhaps I am so badly damaged I cant even tell where the dream ends and reality begins." The Joker mused without even a single giggle.

Then with sudden contempt for the tattoos all over his body, The Joker removed his iconic Damaged tattoo by reaching up and tearing the skin straight of his head. Peeling himself like a banana, The Joker was soon standing with exposed flesh and he started to pick pick pick at his flesh trying to find the joke in all this.

Until finally with scream that was half pain and half laughter, The Joker tore himself straight to the bone. And the world turned white as he ripped open his ribcage and a new The Joker emerged from The Jokers remains like a butterfly leaving the cocoon doing the iconic pose from The Killing Joke comic.

The Joker then woke up in a dressing room in his comedy club. Classic 60s pop rock song Laughing by The Guess Who played as he sat back gazing at the ceiling smooking a cigarette. Evidently all he had just experienced was a hallucination caused by fatna.

The Joker finally took al ook in the mirror and saw that in his hallucinatory haze he had rebirthed himself like the phoenix.

Gone was the gaudy purple clothing and all his tattoos. Not a trace of purple was left on his being as The Joker saw that his green hair was longer and he now was wearing white clown paint as his skin had returned to a non-bleached pigment. He wore a cheap looking red-orange suit, with a yellow vest and a green shirt underneath.

The Joker smiled and saw that his grill was gone too. Pearly whites that would soon be rubbed with the toothpaste of his foes blood.

Discord of thoughts swirled like witchs cauldron in his mind. And soon these thoughts zeroed in on feelings of rage and betrayal for his past life.

"Who is this no-name shmuck who thinks he can do the hokey-pokey into my town and become its new king without putting in hard the work that I did?" The Joker first ranted about Black Mask as he prepared a voodoo doll of what he thought Black Mask looked like and stabbed it many times with his sewing needles.

"And Harley you harlot! I thought you loved me! I was a gentleman kingpin in a sea of ragamuffin hoods and you left me for that brutish jock called Garfield!" The Joker raved almost crying as he stared at himself in the mirror and wailed madly.

"Why does society never reward hard-workers like me and only its leeches and brutes? AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO IS BOTHERD BY ANY OF THIS?" The Joker said as he knew that clearly none of his problems were his fault, it was the society that he lived in's. The Joker tried to clam down and take a deep breath as he stared deepy at himself in the mirror.

"You will pay. You will all paaaaaaay!" The Joker cried like mad baby whose rattle was taken away in front of the mirror. The Joker sobbed like a runny faucet as he knew that they would all pay. Not just Garfield, Harley Quinn and Black Mask but all of society! The Joker knew then what he had to do. He would find all the dregs and nobodies who had similarly been mistreated by this cruel cruel world of modern American society and he would lead and uinte them as legion! To rise and wreak their vengeance upon the world that had refused to give them their dues! And from the flaming carcass of this society, Joker's Legion would build a new society of laughs and smiles.

"But who is the most oppressed group in society today? Blacks and woman are soooo old hat." The Joker asked with problematic opinion as he flipped open his phone and asked Siri the big question.

Meanwhile at the same time that this was happening, Commissioner Gordon was on the rooftop of the GCPD, watching a giant signal of light shaped like lasagna reflect onto the night clouds of Gotham City.

Suddenly Commissioner Gordon felt the hairs on his neck stick up and his whole body come alive with the goosebumps and shivers. The air around him cackled, like excess manliness had suddenly shot up in the area.

Without warning, Garfield descended from the sky without a parachute and made ap erfect landing right in front of Commissioner Gordon.

"Garfield right in the nick of time! A matter you may find interesting has come up like a hot potato!" Commissioner Gordon said as he puffed his pipe.

"Spill it to me, Commish. I am all ready to go cracking on bad guys till I'm tipsy from their blood." Garfield cracked his knuckles itching for another action packed night of action.

"Your old foe Lex Luthor was found dead a while ago in an alley! We have evidence to believe that is The Joker who killed him! Perhaps you can track down Joker and bring him in for questionings?" Commissioner Gordon requested of Garfield.

Garfield just shrugged. "Sorry Commish but I was gonna take care of Where's Baldo myself when I had the time. And The Joker is strictly soggy small fry spilled out of carton at bottom of bag, utterly beneath my attention. A mall rent-a-cop can take care of him. Anything else?"

"Very well Garfield. I have it on good authority that Gotham's new crime lord the Black Mask is planning to break into your Gotham City penthouse to steal your stuff." Informed Commissioner Gordon with seriousness.

" With a pad in every American city, criminal scum was bound to get gutsy enough to try taking a shot at one eventually. But no one dares to steal my stuff and lives to tell the tale .Let this Black Mask try, it will be all the more intestines to strangle him with." Said Garfield with calmness that belied his growing interest in beating the stuffing out of Black Mask. As he said that, Garfield also privately wondered if perhaps Black Mask was connected to the greater mystery of Boss Dark Side, because black was a dark color after all.

"You will not have to take on Black Mask alone! Gotham has some spicy ladies thristing to help you!" Said Commissioner Gordon with a wink and cue Garfield heard feminine footsteps walking stylishly in sync towards him.

From out of the shadows emerged a colorful superheroine team. Garfield raised an eybrow in interpest as he recognized their gorgeous feminine forms as they broke off individually to introduce themselves like characters in a cartoon show.

"Sup Garfield every day I'm thinking of you and counting down the days until I turn eighteen." Said a teenage lymph in a stitched-together gimp-looking Batgirl suit as she somersaulted onto a gargoyle and posed. She then removed her cowl to reveal mouthwatering blend sweeter than a fresh fruit smoothie of Western and Eastern features. It was Cassandra Cain, Batgirl!

"Looking forward to it, kiddo." Said Garfield with mentorly kindness as he leapt up and high-fived Cassandra Cain.

"Question Garfield is that the legendary Lasagna Sword Garfield in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" Questioned a woman dressed fashionably in a detective coat and hat with a featureless face mask as she appeared from out of a puff of smoke. It was The Question! The Question then took it off her mask to reveal spicy brown Latina features of Renee Montoya former detective of Gotham City Major Crimes Unit!

"Why don't we wrap up in the sheets after work like an enchilada and I show you?" Winked Garfield as he unsheathed the Lasagna Sword Garfield stuck it in the ground and did flirtatious revving motion on the handle.

"Sorry Garfield but window shopping is the closest you'll get with me because I am a Lesbian Homosecks!" Renee Montoya revealed with homosexuality. "The only things that make my hearts skip beats are naked sexy women and mindless bloodshed."

"Puts a rain on my parade but it don't worry me! Still, stick with me, maam and you'll get plenty of what gets you hotter than the sun." Promsied Garfield as he respectfully respected Renee Montoyas sexual orientation of Lesbian Homosecks cause that was the American thing to do.

(Authors note: Garfields line it don't worry me is also reference to Nashville a classic American music drama film directed by Robert Altman)

"And it also means theres more of Garfield for me!" Said a delighted voice belonging to a blonde woman in black biker punk fashion clothes. It was Black Canary and she did cartwheels and flips and landed in front of Garfield on her knees with doting eyes.

"Pretty Bird, you will be Crying Canary cause I got eggbeater ready to yolk your nest." Promised Garfield of steamy love that awaited.

"Oh Garfield you are such the charmer! Green Arrow is nothing but a toddler lost in toy store begging for Mommy next to you!" Black Canary giggled and blushed.

"And last but not least is me!" In came a woman with multi-dyed hair all painted up doing striptease out of a red harlequin outfit bent over constantly to show Garfield her behind. It was Harley Quinn

"Oh Daddy let me be your Little Monster!" Begged Harley Quinn as she joined Black Canary on her knees, and together the two minxes took cuddled a leg each.

"There is only one place for a monster in Garfield's house and that is the Love Dungeon!" Garfield joked flirtatiously as he grabbed Harley Quinn with surprise and placed her on his knee as he kneeled. "Now Papa Spank!"

Garfield then spanked Harley Quinn for the amusement of the other women as they clapped and cheered Garfield on and Commissioner Gordon who just smiled and took a satisfying prlonged drag on his pipe.

"Harder harder harder Garfield! Until Im so raw I cant eat nothing but pudding from your tube!" Harley Quinn demanded more through agonized shrieks of pleasure that came with every spank.

"This is just teaser for the full banquet tonight, naughty foxy." Promised Garfield as he rolled Harley Quinn off of him and let her get a breather.

"Together we are the Birds of Prey!" Proclaimed Black Canary wth team name as the vigilante queens all jumped into formation and posed.

"An all-woman crew? A A-plus rating from my eyes and pants. I will enjoy preying on you all." Garfield thumbed up in approval.

"First things firs though! We must stop Black Mask before any slumber party shenanigans can go down!" Black Canary reminded Garfield with responsibilies. "But believe me Garfield me going down on you will make that wait worth it!"

"We must rendezvous with our insider in Black Masks gang, The Huntress, first!" Cassandra Cain showed Garfield a picture of a moody looking hooded vigilante woman with catholic assassin themed garb.

"A Catholic, huh? I'll absolve her of that guilt and give her a New God to pray to." Garfield winked with romantic scheming as he itched with anticipation of seeing the Huntress in the flesh.

Garfield then cleared his throat for a motivational speech before he and the Birds of Prey set out on their first hunt together.

"By sunrise Black Mask and his gang will be nothing more than a memory of failure rotting in the cemetaries, all their hopes and ambitions burnt to ashes of patheticness scattered to oblivion among the winds! For from the moment Black Mask dared to partake in criminality on the America under my protection he was jogging on borrowed time in quicksand. And I have finally come to take that time back. This will be a glorious dawn for heroes in Gotham, I can feel it in my muscles. And among you silky siren, who too feels it?" Garfield asked of the Birds of Prey.

All of the Birds of Prey cheered and shook their fists in the air even Renee Montoya.

"Then to me, my songbirds! And lets go crack Black Masks mask in two and along with it his head!" Garfield led the way as he leapt off the GCPD rooftop and activated his jetpack and blasted off with justice raging in his heart and the Birds of Prey followed.

"Go get 'em, champ." Commissioner Gordon smiled content knowing that all would be well with Garfield on the case as he went to turn off the Lasagna Signal.

But little did the Commissioner Gordon know of other strange darknesses brewing within his fair city. For at this moment after heeding the answer of Siri The Joker wandered into a GameStop store filled with nerds.

The Joker took a look at all the nerds wandering the aisles lined with games. They truly were the least manly pathetic specimens of humanity he had ever laid eyes upon. But they may very well be what he was loking for.

"Oh no it's the Joker has he come to kill us all?" Asked one nerd all acned up and over overweight.

"That depends, gents. Tell me, good sirs… are you… gamers?" The Joker asked with a voice laced with both curiousity and threatening meance.

"Um… yes?" Replied another nerd wearing size 10 glasses and balding before his age.

"Then no instead I have come bearing gifts. For the time has come for men like us to take what is properly ours. We have allowed society to trample upon us long enough! Nevermore shall you be picked last in gym nor shall the football star steal your waifu again! Under my command, you will birth a new world where I shall rule as king and you as my princes! GAMERS, IT IS TIME TO RISE UP!" The Joker reached into his pockets and pulled out hundreds of clown masks. The gamers all cheered as they picked up The Joker's masks and suited up.

The Joker snapped his fingers and trucks carrying loads of assault weapons and explosives crashed into the GameStop spilling their contents and knocking over everything. Riotous the gamers went loose with their new firearm manna and wrecked and looted the GameStop, but were careful not to destroy any games except those by EA.

"Beautiful. Oh darling, you have no idea what awaits you now." The Joker laughed like the werewolf on a full moon.

"Be My Baby" by The Ronettes started to play as The Joker thought of Garfield and the myriad of ways in which he would torture the man before he finally allowed Garfield to die as The Joker gathered up his army of gamers and like marching bad leader led them out into the night and an unsuspecting Gotham City.

To be continued…


	4. Chapter 4

Garfield League of America 2 Chapter Four – Sympathy for Lady Vengeance!

In Gotham City there was a building that stood out above the rest. When the Wayne Tower symbol of the corrupt institutions that had long ravaged the city had been brought crashing town, the aweinspiring Garfield Tower had sprouted in its place like a rejuvenating beanstalk. Where once a W had cominated the Gotham skyline, now it was a G.

At the very top of the Garfield Tower was Garfield's personal luxury penthouse, one of the thousands he had established throughout America and the rest of the world. It had stood as an impenetrable fortress and beacon of security and justice until tonight.

For at this very moment, the nefarious new golden boy of Gotham crime the Black Mask was breaking into Garfield's penthouse with thieving intents on his mind.

With lockpicking the Black Mask opened the doors to Gotham Penthouse and he and his elite personal guard began sneaking through with flashlights.

"Gee boss I do not like this. What if Garfield comes home? It is so dangerous!" Said Black Mask Henchman with worries to his boss, an intimidating tall man in white suit and full-head covering black mask, the Black Mask.

"Do not fear, my good chum! Garfield is bound to be out of town on another one of his adventures and we will be in and out and done before he even has an inkling that we have pulled the heist of the century on him!" Reassured Black Mask as he gave Black Mask Henchman a calming pat on the back.

"But why must we rob Garfield? Even if we get away scot-free Garfield may still find out and make us pay like the piper!" The Black Mask Henchman continued to blubber.

"Because for eons Garfield has been the bleeding thorn in the side of all criminality! The one who has always foiled our schemes and lapped up all the riches and women while we toiled below in his shadow! The greatest villains of history have fallen before his heroic manliness but if we can be the first to outwit Garfield then we shall skyrocket to the top of criminal hierarchy! All the underworld shall bow before us!" Black Mask proclaimed before he put his hands on his Black Mask Henchmans shoulders while his other henchmans went through Garfields furniture looking for his money and jewels. "But if you are truly frightened for your life and wish to return to HQ, I shall not hold it against you. I understand what it is to fear a true worthy enemy like Garfield. But just know that you shall only have brushed against glory, rather than basked in it!"

Hearing Black Masks motivating words, the Black Mask Henchman straightened up like his body had been injected with spunk.

"I hear you, Boss! I will be part of your glory no matter what!" The Black Mask Henchman beamed as he scurried off to join his comrades in looting Garfield's penthouse.

"And if my insiders were correct, then this penthouse houses not only Garfield's riches but also the secret vault containing his darkest secret! Let's see how long he stays America's Favorite Hero when it is out in open like the deer in headlights!" Black Mask rubbed his palms in anticipation. Then with some uncertainty he added. "But if only my right-hand gal and number-one hitgirl, The Huntress were here! Where could my Earth Angel be on such a glorious night? Ah she better not be packin pounds on at the pizzeria!"

But little did the Black Mask know that the Huntress was not as far as he thought she was. Or that his gal was not his pal after all! For at this moment, perched on a rooftop across from Garfield's penthouse, the Huntress watched her boss commit his felonies from binoculars as she awaited a rendezvous of heroic treachery!

Clothed in melancholic hues of purple and black with white accents The Huntress was a hooded beauty of ruby lips and skin like the pale moonlight with a crossbow strapped to her side.

"It's about damn time! I was starting to think of trading back to the winning team!" Said The Huntress with impatience as she heard the Birds of Prey swoop down from above her.

"Damn Girlfriend did no one teach you that slow and steady wins the race?" Replied Black Canary with mocking.

"I am not your girlfriend and I am not like you lily-livered superzeroes. Like the Black Mask you are nothing more than means to an end, a rent-a-bulldozer for the wreck of the hour in my unending quest for vengeance against not just mobsters who killed my mobster family but all the mob!" The Huntress brooded with angst as she recounted her backstory.

"Ooh aren't you a moody one! Did someone get your coffee order wrong?" Harley Quinn squealed with mockery.

"Dime store hobag we don't give no gingerbread man about your secret origin." Renee Montoya shot back with rude dismissal.

"Yeah all we care about is that you'll watch our backs when the bullets are flying." Cassandra Cain added in agreement.

"If nothing else you can count on me for that." The Huntress admitted begrugindly.

"I hope you enjoy the sight of my back, because you won't be seeing hide nor hair of it when I got you pinned on yours." Flirted Garfield as he strutted out of the shadows with a rose in hand and knelt before The Huntress in offering.

Expecting another pretty gal to fall to his charms like a dollhouse in a hurricane, Garfield was taken somewhat aback when a wave of revulsion shocked through Huntress' face.

"IL DIAVOLO ARANCIO!" The Huntress yelped with disgust at the sight of Garfield's charming smile. With a harpy shriek she slapped the rose out of Garfields hand and as it brushed by his face a thorn slightly cut it.

Garfield felt the cut and saw his fingers stained with his blood. He tasted his blood, it vaguely tasting of lasagna. When he looked back at Huntress she was pointing her crossbow point blank at him with shaking hands.

"I have dreamed of this day, Garfield! The day my bolt of vengeance ends your two-faced façade of justice and I make gelato with your blood!" The Huntress said with hatred. She was about to pull the trigger when Black Canary dashed in and wrenched her back.

"What the blazes has gotten into you cannoliface? Garfield is America's Greatest Hero and you must have grown up with rocks for brains if you think he ain't on our side!" Black Canary said with common sense as she shook The Huntress.

"Wait do you mean that Garfield is the secret contact that you said you would bring! You foolish wench you bring not our salvation but our damnation!" The Huntress raved as she and Black Canary began to slap each other before they went for the hair. Soon it was all out brawl on the rooftop as Black Canary ahd the Huntress were getting dirty and their clothes torn up as they rolled and pulled on one another.

"This is not usually why women end up fighting over me, but hey, a free show's a free show." Said Garfield with entertainment as he broke out a lawnchair and relaxed on it.

Renee Montoya joined him as she was into the sight of her superheroine allies beating the stuffing out of each other just as much as Garfield was and hooted like a excited monkey as some blood came flying as Black Canary roundhouse kicked The Huntress in the mouth and landed on her.

"This is like so going on my instagram!" Said Cassandra Cain cause she was a millennial and that's what they do as she hopped onto Garfield's lap and pulled her smartphone out as The Huntress tried tearing what was left of Black Canarys shirt off of her.

Harley Quinn then ruined everything as she pulled the two clashing hellcats apart. She hit both Black Canary and The Huntress in their deposit boxes with her hammer to force a breather.

"Has everyone but me forgotten we're on the clock here?" Harley Quinn pointed out with responsibility.

But it was too late because at that moment an explosion went off in Garfield's penthouse shattering all the windows and blowing fire out all the sides. And from out of the flames came flying Black Mask and his gang in their escape helicopter.

"Black Mask! Where the hell do you think you're going with that?" Asked Garfield with demands as he saw attached to Black Masks helicopter on a hook was the Secret Vault containing his Darkest Secret.

"You were so wrapped up in your personal drama you did not anticipate me unwrapping your securest sanctuary!" Sneered the Black Mask as he threw Garfield a rude gesture. "Oh it's such a perfect day and I'm glad I stole it from you!"

"You just won free tickets to hell to cap off this perfect day with dinner with the Devil." Garfield said as he whipped out his two Desert Eagles and fired but with expert piloting the Black Mask helicopter dodged his bullets and what bullets hit bounced off cause the helicopter was fully armored up.

"It's over Garfield! I have the high ground! So I'm afraid I'll have to be returning these tickets to you." Black Mask said with mock apologeticism as he motioned for his one of his henchmen to saunter up with a stinger missile launcher.

The henchman then fired a barrage of missiles at Garfield, while Black Mask flew off into the night.

"Damn it get behind me ladies!" Garfield said protectively as he pulled out Lasagna Sword Garfield and thrust it onto the concrete. The Birds of Prey scurried behind Garfield, with Harley Quinn dragging relucatant The Huntress in as well. Several large cracks spread in the foundation from where Garfield pierced it, and beams of chi exploded from out of those cracks. Garfield harnessed the chi as he muttered ancient lasagna magic incantations making Lasagna Sword Garfield light up like the Fourth of July and he created a barrier dome that the missiles shattered harmlessly off of.

When the dust cleared and the chi barrier dissipated everyone had their venomous sights turned onto Hutnress.

"You lunatic loony thanks to you Black Mask has stolen Garfield's darkest secret and gotten away with it! He will surely leak it to hurt Garfield now!" Yelled Black Canary with contempt as Cassandra Cain and Harley Quinn had to restrain her from starting round two while Renee Montoya looked on in disappointment at the restraining.

"Good! I have carried Garfield's darkest secret with me since childhood and Black Mask will do justice by bringing it to light!" The Huntress said with what she thought was dark revelation catching everyone's attention except for Garfield who was smoking a lasagna cigarette in the background.

"What the hell are you blathering about now, white girl?" Renee Montoya demanded to know

"Garfield is not the All-American beacon of heroism and manliness you think he is! For in fact he was also the most vicious underworld killer once upon a time! I know this because I saw him kill my family!" Revealed The Huntress with startling bombshell making all the Birds of Prey gasp.

Cassandra Cain then turned to Garfield with despseration in her eyes.

"Garfield please tell me that this is not true! You saved me from the heartless killer destiny that my father David Cain had in store for me! How can I continue as a hero if I find out you are no different from him?" Cassandra Cain begged with hope that The Huntress was liar.

Garfield took a long silent drag of his cigarette. He tried to remember what in blazes the Huntress was blathering about.

"Justice is truly blind if it has let your bloodthirsty brutality go unpunished all these years!" The Huntress snarled hatefully.

Garfield was really struggling to think of the exact mob slaughter The Huntress was referring to. With millions dead at his heroic hands over the decades all but the best blurred together on immediate recall and Huntress' family whoever they were were far from the best.

"I am Helena Bertinelli, the last of the Bertinelli family! And I condemn you, Garfield!" Swore The Huntress with lust for revenge as she shook her crossbow like a spastic.

Huntress tehn had a sepia-toned flashback to the last happy day of her childhood.

Little Helena Bertinelli before she was The Huntress was happily running and leaping through the aisles and drinking out of the holy water.

"Yippee I love being a kid! I hope I'm always this happy forever!" Said Helena Bertinelli with happiness as she blew out holy water like a whale.

"Hush my darling magpie this is a momentous occasion! For this is the day that the Bertinellis unite with the Falcone Family to usher in new age of mob powerhouse in Gotham City!" Said Dad Bertinelli like a man on the top of the world as he caugt Helena Bertinelli like a salmon in a stream and ran affectionate hand through her hair.

The entire Falcone and Bertinelli Crime Families were under one roof and Father Priest was getting ready to unite the two through the sacred rite and tradition of marriage.

"Before we finalize vows does anyone have any objections to this marriage?" Asked Father Priest with innocuous.

"Yeah, I do. I got fifty… fifty caliber!" Quipped a manly voice familiar to the denizens of the underworld that shot righteous fear down their wormy spines from outside. And without further warning, the door was kicked down and standing there was Garfield in a classy black hitman suit with white shirt and black tie sipping a large cup of lasagna cola before tossing it aside and whipping out his Desert Eagles.

Stepping into view alongside Garfield was his best friend Odie with a flamethrower (this is before Odie showed his true colors during the Lasagnafall and became Garfield's worst enemy) and his two good war buddies Tommy Monaghan and Natt the Hat, both wielding tommy guns and chomping on cigars.

"I haven't seen such a rich buffet begging to be devoured since the time I briefly died and got a peek at Lasagna Heaven." Garfield said as he looked at all the mobsters referencing his experience during the Crisis on Infinite Earths. He then cocked his Desert Eagles.

"Well I bet you ain't in any hurry to get back there, endless all-you-can-eat or no! So let's get this on!" Joked Odie as he sparked a few warm-up flames with his flamethrower.

"Screw this I am outta here to become cult favorite comic book writer! Jesus is too dangerous a profession!" Said Father Priest as he ripped off his frock to become just Priest and ran off in his underwear into the night.

"Hide yourself my little one!" Begged Dad Bertinelli as he pushed Helena Bertinelli to the safety of hiding in the confessional booth, as Garfield and his comrades and the assembled mobsters opened fire on each other.

Dad Bertinelli then got his head turned into a watermelon on a Gallagher sketch by Garfield's Desert Eagles.

Hidden away in the darkness of the confessional Helena Bertinelli was privy to nothing but the screams and the cries of the dying and the arid smell of gunsmoke. She wept and whimpered as she felt and barely saw blood of many ebbing and leaking into the booth and washing onto her. She slid the door slightly open and to her silent horror saw her mother slump from bullets and bleed to dying in front of her.

Her mother reached out for her with bloody fingers and stained blood on her. Helena Bertinelli then fearfully closed the door again as she heard her mother scream as Odie flamethrower finishered her.

"This has a mighty good time, Garfield. I might just give this hitman gig a permanent try after today!" Said Tommy Monaghan with compliments to Garfield as Helena Bertinelli heard the sounds of footsteps exiting the church.

Traumatized she shuddered and basked in dark dirtiness for hours long after the massacre had ended. When Helena Bertinelli stepped out, she saw she was only survivor in a cathedral remodeled as charnal house. And her mind broke until all that was left was revenge.

Back in the present The Huntress had readied her crossbow again at Garfield's head, but her hands still shook like they were dipped in a cauldron of emotional messiness.

"Does the name of my family jog your memory, Garfield? Do you understand now why I hate you so, why you deserve to die?" Demanded The Huntress itching for satisfaction and her vendetta to be appeased, while the Birds of Prey looked on in dreaded suspense for Garfield's response.

Garfield finished his cigarette, tossed it over his shoulder off the roof, and then shrugged.

"I'm sorry, but I don't remember any of it." Garfield replied truthfully as he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a flask and a shot glass. This was good enough for all of the Birds of Prey, who breathed sighs of relief and wiped their brows.

"HOW CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER! MY ENTIRE FAMILY SLAUGHTERED BY YOUR DAMEND HANDS!" The Huntress went ballistic but Garfield cut her off as he poured whiskey into his shot glass and sniffed it like a connoisseur.

"For you the day I killed the brood of evildoing cockroaches dressed up in suits and make-up who called themselves the Bertinellis was the most important day of your life. But for me it was Monday." Garfield said with hard honesty as he sipped his whiskey once abnd let out a satisfied ahh then threw the rest of the shot over his shoulder as well off the roof.

"Whatever, I'm sure this can all be cleared up over some pillow talk when I'm done with Black Mask." Garfield chuckled with some romance and The Huntress' face wnet all red.

"I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS, FAT CAT! I SWEAR-" The Huntress started to rant but then Harley Quinn shut her up by double-kneeing her in the breasts.

Garfield saw this and just laughed.

"Aw shaddup ya silly billy!" Harley Quinn got into The Huntress' face as she tried to scream some sense through her thick skull. "Can ya not see that Garfield killing the rest of your family freed you from going down the same path of wickedness as them? His act inspired you to spend your entire life battling criminality! Unlike me, you will never have the years of shame spent in villainy under your belt. Garfield is not your devil, he is your savior! Get those gears in your head unjammed, cause this petty lil misguided vendetta of yours has cost us damn diamonds in minutes tonight!"

These words shook The Huntress as they forced her to confront hard truths that she had been avoiding for the whole twenty-something years of her life. She collapsed to her knees and took a hard long looke at Garfield, who was consulting with Cassandra Cain over the results of the Bat Tracer she had thrown onto Black Masks helicopter earlier.

Where she once saw the horns of the Devil himself around Garfield, instead she now began to see the faint aura of manly radiant justice around him. The Huntress silently pondered the big question, could she have been wrong about Garfield her entire life? Was the killing of her entire family really a hero doing his part for the good of the world, rather than the injustice she had always thought it to be?

And the way Garfield's hair flowed in the breeze, the way the rain bounced off of his glistening muscles. Oh The Huntress was but a human female with needs like all the rest and she had tried for so long in vain to fill them with fruitless hate sex and later on murder sex with inadequate lovers who were no better than schoolboys in the privy.

In her research of Garfield over the years The Huntress knew all about how he was able to give a woman what she needed in the ways that other men could not.

"Am I a hollow woman?" The Huntress asked to herself with nervous breakdown looming.

The Huntress flung herself at Garfield's feet.

"Please forgive me for my irrational womanly impudence, great Garfield!" The Huntress begged with neediness, creating revolt across the faces of the Birds of Prey as they witnessed her pathetic display.

"Earn my forgiveness by helping me bring that fool Black Mask back to Earth. Maybe I'll even let you be the one to bury him there." Ordered Garfield as he hoisted Huntress to her feet. Garfield then looked over the hooded vigilantress with his all-seeing inquisitive eye of the loveseeker.

"And maybe let me see how sexy you look stripping out of that getup, Sister Christian." Garfield winked and slapped The Huntress on the bum making her squeal as he and the rest of the Birds of Prey leapt off the rooftop and traversed the city in the direction of the Black Mask.

"Where has my lust for revenge gone? Why do I feel like a stranger wrapped around my own bones now? Garfield filled my entire family with lead but now I find myself wanting him to fill me up with something else entirely." The Huntress asked as she wobbled on the rooftop as her emotions lashed out all inside her like a hurricane in a lockbox. She blacked out for a moment and in her haze as all the world felt like a dream she saw herself lying next to Garfield in a bed naked.

The song "Glass Vase Cello Case" by Tattle Tale was playing as Garfield rubbed his big gentle man hands all over her body and he then covered her in whipped cream. Garfield tenderly licked and kissed the whipped cream off her body, until he found the pink velvet surprise in between her legs. Light overwhelmed all in The Huntress' hallucination as Garfield spread her legs apart and thudded right into her bullseye with his world record titanium crossbow bolt.

With a scream that was half horror and half pleasure, The Huntress awoke in agony on the rooftop. In confusion and self-loathing she starred at her crossbow, before forcing herself into composure as she saw Garfield and company in the distance. The Huntress took a nervous breath and then jumped off the rooftop, firing her grappling hook in the direction of Garfield.

While all this was happening, Garfield was totally unaware of the chaos that was filling Gotham City's streets.

The gamers had risen up, led by The Joker.

The Joker and his gamer army were wreaking havoc upon all of society in Gothamtown, and the rest of the city's police and superheroes were powerless to stop him.

"Society of Gotham City, you damn Veronicas had your chance to recognize the worth of a gentleman like me! But instead you chose to idolize damn dumb jocks like Garfield! So now you leave me no choice but to remind you why this city once feared circuses!" Said The Joker with mad evil as he threw grenades of his deadly joker venom gas everywhere.

"If only I had not sent Garfield to deal with Black Mask! But who could've forseen the resurgence of Joker? And Batman is too dead to stop Joker as well!" Said Commissioner Gordon with regrets as he got his gas mask on it time as he ran through the clouds as several of his GCPD officers fell down dead behind him.

"Neener neener hoo hoo it is twilight for Gotham City and your dawn shall never come. Now bring me Garfield so I shall perform the final execution of your warped society for all to see!" The Joker said with demands as he stepped over a burning river of corpses as the GCPD's frontline continued to fall.

"Never! I shall not negotiate with damaged two-bit comedians!" Said Commissioner Gordon with dedication to justice to the very end. He ran and gun and took down many of Joker's Gamer Clowns, but there were far too many and not enough bullets.

"Oof!" Said Commissioner Gordon as he was not paying enough attention and tripped on the corpse of Duke Thomas the Signal.

Commissioner Gordon found himself starring down the barrel of The Joker's magnum.

"I ain't damaged no more. I'm the walkin' Phoenix, reborn Crown Prince of Crime." The Joker insisted as he pulled the trigger. A flag with bang written on it popped out.

"Give yourself all the Participation Trophies you want Joker! You have always been insiginificant nobody and when Garfield finds out about your return he will send you back to the hell you deserve!" Commissioner Gordon laughed with defiance as he knew that The Joker's next click would bring a bullet and there was no escaep for him.

"Heh heh Garfield has no idea what I have become! With Gamers on my sie it will take an Act of God to stop me!" The Joker proclaimed with grandeur, unaware that the whiskey and cigarette that Garfield had thrown off earlier were about to land on him.

"Hey who is raining on my parade?" The Joker asked as the whiskey splashed all over him. He had no time to react when the cigarette, still smoking with embers, landed on him and set him alight.

Screaming like a Viking in a blizzard, The Joker stumbled back covered head to toe in fire and ran back through his entire gamer army. With their natural gamer excesses of sweat, they were easy flammable material and soon The Joker had destroyed his entire army.

And the burning air smelled much like lasagna.

"Act of God, Act of Garfield… what's the difference?" Smiled Commissioner Gordon as he got up to his feet, his fighting spirt blazing anew. Picking up a discarded Bren machine gun, Commissioner Gordon walked through the streets of Gotham City liberating it single-handedly as he mowed down hundreds of straggling Joker goons.

Commissioner Gordon finally reached The Joker, who was now a smoldering pile of meat that somehow clung onto life. He discarded his machine gun, and loaded into his service pistol a special "Anti-Resurrection" bullet Garfield gave to him for his 44th birthday.

"No this is not how my Killing Joke was to go down! I was to kill Garfield and repossess my Harley Not die like this!" The Joker managed to croak through toasted lungs.

"Oh your joke will kill, Joker. Kill you. Any last laughs, clown?" Said Commissioner Gordon readied to execute The Joker but suddenly a column of light like a UFO beam shot down from the sky and enveloped The Joker.

Blinded by the light, when his eyes cleared, Commissioner Gordon saw that the light and The Joker were gone. Only a post-it note with "XOXO Boss Dark Side" written on it floating down ominously.

Commissioner Gordon sighed and looked at all the corpses around him and everything The Joker had destroyed in his rampage.

Just another night in Gotham City. Commissioner Gordon took a puff of his pipe, and hoped Garfield was having a better time than he was.

To be continued…

Author's Note 1: If you were expecting climatic three-way showdown between The Joker, Black Mask, and Garfield after the build-up of last two chapters you have just had your expectations subverted. This is bold storytelling device utilized by auteur artists such as Ryan Johnson, Zach Snyder, Hideki Kojima, and David Benioff and DB Cooper.

Author's Note 2: If anyone from DC Comics is reading this, please put Hitman by Garth Ennis and John McCrea back in print for a new generation of readers to enjoy. It's better than Sandman. Thank you.


	5. Chapter 5

Garfield League of America 2 Chapter Five – Belladonna of Sadness! Boss Dark Side Revealed!

After his successful heist of Garfields darkest secret Black Mask made his getaway back to his gang headquarters, which was in the refurbished Wayne Manor that he had brought and renamed Sionis Manor after the mysterious disappearance of Bruce Wayne around the same time Garfield had killed Batman to liberate the world from his tyranny.

Black Mask and his men all assembled in the main foyer, as his top team got to work on trying to crack the Vault containing Garfield's Darkest Secret.

"What do you suppose is in it Boss? I am just giddy at thinking what kind of a dark secret a legendary man like Garfield could have." Asked Black Mask Henchman with curiosity.

"I do not know but I am giddy like kid under Christmas tree just thining about it! And soon we will know and then the whole world! Garfield will never be able to show his imprudent orange face again!" Cackled Black Mask with utmost confidence that he held all the aces.

At that very moment Garfield was flying on his jetpack towards Sionis Manor at maximum speed, with his sidekicks The Birds of Prey and The Huntress behind him.

"This is the critical hour of judgment! Are you chicks ready for this?" Garfield shouted question over the sound of the howling wind as the target neared.

"We are with you hundred percent! Let us do this so you can than do us!" Answered Black Canary with eagerness.

"Last one in has to pay the windowman!" Said Garfield as he reached Sionis Manor and with big bang of an entrance smashed through the windows. Soon his ferocious female followed, and the Black Mask andh is gang looked up in horror surprise as they saw descending above them with a cascade of broken glass Garfield.

"Hello there!" Garfield greeted Black Mask as he landed on the Black Mask Henchman, squashing him to broken bones and squeezed out blood as he did. The Birds of Prey also landed, each dispatching a henchman of their choosing to mark their arrival.

The Huntress was nowhere to be seen.

"GARFIELD!" Black Mask said taken aback somewhat. But then he quickly regained his composure.

Garfield and his Brids of Prey got on one side while Black Mask and his surviving underlings on the other. IN between them was the Vault, which now had several pounds of C4 strapped to it.

"Ha ha ha Garfield you're too late! Your Darkest Secret is mine!" Black Mask revealed as he held a detonator in his hands.

"Black Mask I'm giving you one chance. Set that detonator down and let us hash this out man to man. Tamper with my stuff any further and you dare unleashing my ultimate wrath." Said Garfield with one last warning.

"Your ultimate wrath will soon be as menacing as a rubber ducky in bathtub! I wonder what you got to hide? Stole all your heroic deeds from Odie? Voted Republican? Into Thai cuisine a bit too much? LETS FIND OUT!" Said Black Mask with explosives as he pushed the button and blew the Vault door wide open.

"Damn you Black Mask!" Said Garfield with condemnation as smoke spread out of the open Vault. There were sounds like subject being woken up from permanent cryosleep as everyone watched on in pitched anticipation.

Then suddenly there was the sound of a motorcycle revving up and bursting out of the Vault came a gray biker man who looked somehwatl ike Garfield but was much smaller effeminate and pudgy to boot. He carried at his side a saxphone.

"Nermal." Said Garfield with spiteful recognition.

"Garfield-senpai, this is your darkest secret?" Cassandra Cain asked with disbelief.

"Yeah what is so dark about this?" Renee Montoya added with skepticism.

Black Mask was at a loss of words for this was not what he had expected at all and he had no expectations.

"I don't know, he's kinda cute." Harley Quinn admitted as she looked over Nermal. The word cute then caught Nermal's ears.

"That's cause I'm Nermal, former Worlds' Cutest Kitten and now Worlds' Manliest Man, sweetcheeks!" Proclaimed Nermal as some diegetic rockabilly music kicked in from nowhere. "Garfield could not handle that truth so he tried to freeze me until the end of time! But now I'm back in black and ready to rock!"

"All lies. You came to me and begged on your knees crying like a baby over melted popsicle to learn the True Man's Ways. I tried my best but you learned all wrong. You had to be frozen away for not just your own good but all mankinds. You were my first and only failure as a teacher." Said Garfield with refutations as he rolled his eyes at Nermals claims.

"That may be true Garfield but the True Man's Truth and the record that becomes legend is not determined by who speaks true but by who still stands! You and lasagna are no more than faded has-beens clinging to relevancy with played out Greatest Hits and today I with the POWER OF GOD MANICOTTI shall usher you off the stage and into the grave!" Nermal declared with megalomania as Garfield leapt at him with punching intents but with a quick toot of his saxphone Nermal conjured up sonic waves that blasted Garfield back.

With powerful percussion, powered by the hate in his mind, Nermal began heavy metal freejazz solo with saxphone to manifest more of manicotti's power to keep Garfield stunned.

"How's this for shock treatment?" Nermal laughed maliciously as he created dark magic vines to bind Garfield. The vines then coursed death electricity through Garfield, and only Garfield's natural physical prowess as the ultimate man kept him from perishing immediately.

Black Canary then leapt in between Nermal and Garfield.

"Keep your filthy wannabe beats away from my Big G!" Black Canary shouted with devotion as she unleashed her Canary Cry to counteract Nermal's metal manicotti music. With explosion, Nermal was then blown back but Black Canary ewas lef exerted and drained.

"I'm sorry Garfield this is all I can do." Black Canary mumbled with apolegtics before she passed out, her woman body too inadequate to keep up in this battle between men.

"Don't worry. I swear on your lady honor that Nermal has played his last concert." Garfield said to the sleeping Black Canary as he faced his gray nemesis and cracked his knuckles.

"Ha ha your female dogs have some bite, Garfield! But you make amateur's mistake in underestimating the power of my music!" Said Nermal with threat as Garfield got back to his feet seething with fury. Nermal then cleared his throat and threw Black Mask a card for readings.

"It says here that Nermal will now perform his hit single "Sweet Manicotti Bless My Soul" from his upcoming debut album." Black Mask said in dull monotone just going along with the flow since his own plot had escaped from him.

Nermal then went wild with discordant saxphone improv.

"Ugh what is happening to me? I feel much less manly than I was a second ago!" Black Mask asked as he looked at his hands in dismay.

"Just as I theorized. Nermal's misunderstanding of what makes a man has turned him into a Manliness Black Whole. He cannot become a Man on his Own so he sucks masculinity out of others!" Said Garfield as he saw Black Mask trembling like an allergic reaction while the rest of his henchman dried up like raisins and died. Only Garfields experience with such leeches and clinger-ons kept him immune, but for how long? Garfield saw that Nermal's stolen chi was intensifying with the seconds, and then Nermal burst into off-key singing as he pointed his wretched moochers hands at the terrified Harley Quinn Renee Montoya and Cassandra Cain.

"Oh why so glum its Saturday night

Cheer up cause I'm here to make you feel alright

Get ready for my loving its totally divine

Forget about Garfield cause now you're mine

SWEET MANICOTTI BLESS MY SOUL

YOU WILL LOVE MY ROCK AND ROLL

SWEET MANICOTTI BLESS MY SOUL

YOU WILL LOVE MY ROCK AND ROLL"

Nermal then unleashed another saxphone solo and as he strutted up to the Birds of Prey Garfield fury was ticked into overdrive as he saw Harley Quinn and Cassandra Cain making starstruck eyes over Nermal. With anger in his fists, Garfield realized that Nermal was using cheap trick of RHYTHMIC HYPNOSIS to bring Garfield's gals under his caustic non-charms.

Nermal then boarded his motorcycle with Harley Quinn and Cassandra Cain eagerly and lustfully wrapped in his arms, and then drove all around Sionis Manor doing tricks on the railings and chandeliers as he started singing again.

"Sadsack Garfield can't keep up with my rhymes

Drop your love for him like a sack of dimes

The Orange Maestro has sung his last song

See that your worship of him is so very wrong

SWEET MANICOTTI BLESS MY SOUL

YOU WILL LOVE MY ROCK AND ROLL"

"ENOUGH OF THIS TOMFOOLERY!" Garfield said as he fired his Desert Eagles at Nermal but Nermal had generated a force field of stolen chi so mighty that Garfields bullets just bounced off like marbles. Nermal saul this and laughed with taunts before he resumed singing as Harley Quinn and Cassandra Cain were planting kisses on his cheeks.

"SWEET MANICOTTI BLESS MY SOUL

YOU WILL LOVE MY ROCK AND ROLL

Oh Babe blow me like the wind blows the leaves

I will sting you again and again like the bees

The Future is spelled with an N

For Garfield I will be his end

SWEET MANICOTTI BLESS MY SOUL

YOU WILL LOVE MY ROCK AND ROLL"

Nermal then slowed his motorcycle to a stop in front of Renee Montoya and knelt before her.

"Oh Brown Sugar wanna hold me close?" Nermal flirted as he tossed Harley Quinn and Cassandra Cain aside like used toilet paper, but their eyes remained filled with hypnotized longing for him as they slowly crawled towards him.

"Don't mind if I do!" Renee Montoya purred to Garfields shock and she slowly and sensually embraced Nermal. But then without warning she sharply drove her knee up into Nermal's peanut jar.

"EEEEEEYAAAAAGH!" Nermal cried his voice cracking like the San Andreas fault during Earthquake season.

Renee Montoya then grabbed his saxphone and broke it over his head.

"Sorry chump but LESBIANISM IS IMMUNE TO YOUR CHARMS!" Laughed Renee Montoya with the Power of PRIDE as she did taekwondo axe kick that sent Nermal flying into the air right as the other Birds of Prey were breaking out of his spell all juiced up for some vengeance.

"SPINNING BIRD KICK!" Cried Cassandra Cain as she went for Nermals gut as he landed, tearing his belly open and making several insides spill out.

"Tryin ta play with my mind without my say so? DON'T CRY WHEN I RETURN THE FAVOR!" Harley Quinn giggled maniacally as she smashed Nermal in the head with her baseball bat fracturing his skull open. Harley Quinn then snickered like a naughty schoolgirl as she reached inside and pulled out parts of Nermals brain and messed with them like play-doh.

Black Canary then walked up to Nermal, putting her heeled boot on his bruised body to keep him pinned.

"Did you like my song earlier, Nermal? HERE'S AN ENCORE!" Black Canary then unleashed a point blank full force Canary Cry on Nermal tearing all the skin from his flesh and stripping flesh to bone on half his body.

The bloodied and beaten Nermal then managed to see through the eye that still worked that Garfield was towering above him.

"Wait Garfield I was once your friend! Can you not find it in your heart to forgive me for this momentary lapse of reason?" Nermal begged as Garfield looked over what remained of his mockery of anatomical form that was once a body.

"It's true I once thought of you as a son. That you could have been my legacy. And that when you fell the first time, I didn't have the heart to kill you. But you've proven that you're too dangerous to be left alive in any form. I'm all heart now." Garfield said with disappointments as he brandished Lasagna Sword Garfield in both his hands and pointed it at Nermal.

"NOOOOOO PLEASE DON'T." Bawled Nermal for mercy but in his heart he knew that it was all futile for he knew his fate had been sealed the moment Garfield's True Man's Will once again proved the superior.

"Hey Nermal let's watch your favorite movie Breathless!" Garfield quipped as he thrusted Lasagna Sword Garfield into Nermals throat and tore out his lungs.

As Nermals corpse twitched its last Garfield and the Birds of Prey turned their attention to Black Mask who had started this whole mess and was now the only survivor of his gang.

"Uh can I go if I saw I am really sorry?" Asked Black Mask hopefully.

"Like hell. You made me face the ghosts of my past. For wasting my time like this I am going to turn you into a ghost." Garfield approached Black Mask with menace with the Birds of Prey flanking him. Black Mask sighed as they did this.

"I'm afraid you leave with no other choice then, Garfield." Black Mask said with last stand as he suddenly revealed he had the powers of the Force! He then used Force Push to throw the Birds of Prey away knocking them all out on the walls and furniture.

Black Mask then reached into his pocket and pulled out a lightsaber and as he pressed the on button a shining blue laser ignited from it.

"I choose life. I'm deeply sorry I cannot let you kill me, Garfield." Said Black Mask as he wielded his lightsaber with cockiness.

"You think that silly childrens night light scares me? Have at me, rogue!" Said Garfield with bravado as he charged Black Mask with Lasagna Sword Garfield.

Meanwhile in the mansion, The Huntress came to. The wind had blown her off course in her rush to enter Sionis Manor and prove her worth to Garfield, and now she had no idea where Garfield was or where she was.

Cautiously, The Huntress gripped her crossbow tightly as she went exploring in the manor, which seemed endless in its halls and shadows.

"Where can I be? And have I passed this lamp already?" The Huntress asked insecurely as she felt like she was trapped moving in a loop.

"What an eerie dump. But yet I feel some kind of connection that is not uncanny. But how? This is the first time I have ever set foot in Wayne Manor." The Huntress realized with a chill.

"That you are using its original name of Wayne Manor rather its ghastly new moniker of Sionis Manor is the very first hint!" Said a British accented voice from behind The Huntress suddenly. Instintively The Huntress wheeled around and fired her crossbow only to be dumbfounded as her bolt traveled directly through her target.

The voice belonged to a floating old man wearing glasses in a black butler suit who looks like Jeremy Irons and was almost completely incorporeal.

"What manner of Satanic spawn are you?" The Huntress demanded to know.

"Mistress Helena, my name in life was Alfred Pennyworth! I faithfully served the Wayne Family for many generations until Garfield killed me and my master. But at long last you have arrived and I can serve once more even in death." Said Alfred as he revealed he was a ghost.

"I'm not your Mistress, spectre! And if Garfield killed you, I am sure you had coming." The Huntress swore to Alfred but even before the wrods had left her lips she was questioning if she believed them.

"Ah, chuckles. Even a child caught with his hands in the Cookie Jar has more conviction in his heart than you. Ah Master Bruce, those were the days…" Said Alfred with fond memories.

Alfred continued looking the nervous Huntress over.

"Your father, Mistress Helena, would truly be disappointed if he could see you now. Using firearms, even ones as primitive as the crossbow, a true no-no. And to praise Garfield, his arch-nemesis, too!" Alfred said with chiding as he wagged his ghost finger in front of The Huntresss face.

"My father loved his guns. He slept with them more than Mom. He'd love me using my little bow-bow." The Huntress said defensively.

"Ha ha ha Bertinelli the old spaghetti sucker the orphanage pawned you off to? He was really your father about as much as I am still alive!" Laughed Alfred with cruel casual dismissal of hardworking foster parents all across America.

"Orphanage? What the hell are you talking about?" The Huntress jabbered in confusion.

"Follow me and all truths shall be revealed." Said Alfred with ominous invitations as he floated down the hall and beckoned The Huntress to follow him.

The Huntress followed Alfred into a dusty old room where all furniturewas all covered in dusts except for a pristine grandfather clock against the wall. The Huntress felt her heartbeat increasing in pace the closer she got to the clock. She did not know if she should be walking this walk but she no longer felt in control of her own body. This was destiny, whatever that clock meant was inevitability.

"It's time to reclaim your birthright, Mistress Helena." Said Alfred as he used his poltergeist powers to move the hands on the clock into position.

And a secret door in the wall opened.

The Huntress descended down a secret staircase as Alfred guided her. And at the bottom was a spacious cave converted into a secret base for a high tech vigilante operative. There were computers and cases of gadgets everywhere along with gaudy attractions like a giant penny and robot dinosaur. And bats were flying everywhere.

"Bruce Wayne was The Batman?" The Huntress asked Alfred as she realized this was Batcave.

"Yes and more than that I must now tell you a terrible secret! Batman was also your real father!" Said Alfred with shoking revelation.

"WHAT BATMANS MY WHAT NOW." The Huntress said spitting out her metaphorical tea at this unexpected news.

At that moment all the monitors on the computers turned on and played several grainy VHS tapes. The Huntress stumbled backwards before collapsing dumbstruck as she saw Batman making love to Catwoman in sordid steamy ways in all these tapes.

"At last do you understand? The truth of your bloodline? Huntress, you are not Helena Bertinelli. You are Helena Wayne!" Alfred told the stunned Huntress.

"But if Batman was my father why did he abandon me to grow up in the mob?" The Huntress demanded as she got teary trying to process this all.

"To raise you himself would have interfered with The Mission. So Batman paid your mother the Catwoman a nice hefty fee to leave you at the orphanage and bugger off to Florida while he got on with his life. But your father grew paranoid for after all you were the daughter of both Gotham's Greatest Hero and its Greatest Thief. To grow up to heroism or villainy was but a flip of the coin in his mind. Batman dreaded that the day would come that he would be forced to arrest his own flesh and blood in his war on crime. When he found out years later that the Bertinelli Crime Family had adopted you from the Orphanage, he knew that he could not afford to let any misplaced fatherly sentiment compromise the Mission." Alfred said with massive exposition to The Huntress.

"What did he do? WHAT DID MY FATHER DO?" The Huntress shouted with need to know.

"I am not sure if I should go on. This story is not for kids." Alfred said with trepidation.

"Damn you Alfred! I must know! I need closure!" Said The Huntress in emotional outburst as she tried to grab for Alfred but since he was a ghost she passed through and tripped into one of the Robin suit cases.

"Very well. Your father knew that he could not kill you nor your adoptive family, but he also knew he did not have to save you. So he had loyal Master Jason put out the contract at the local Gotham Adventurer's Bar where Garfield frequented knowing that Garfield was the best of the best and that a reward of a billion gourmet lasagna was too good to pass up. Mistress Helena, your biological father was the one who hired Garfield to kill your adoptive father in the hopes you would also die in the crossfire. It worked out nicely though, wouldn't you agree? The deaths of the Bertinellis put you on the path to becoming a hero as your father would have wanted." Said Alfred as he revealed the full harsh truth.

The Huntress limped to the chair in front of the Batcomputer and slumped down in it. The Huntress watched the sex tapes of her parents going at it like rabid rabbits and tried to process everything that she had learned as her life shattered all around her.

"My father hired Garfield to kill my father and then later Garfield killed my father. I hate Garfield. I love Garfield. I love my father. I hate my father. It makes no sense. It makes perfect sense HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA." The Huntress suddenly spiraled into chaotic laughter as her fragile mind gave itself willingly to mental nervous breakdown and she welcomed sanctuary insanity.

Meanwhile Garfield and Black Mask were furiously battling for the fate of Gotham City, with their blades locked.

"Garfield before I kill you I must reveal that my entire criminal empire was bankrolled by Boss Dark Side. I am his puppet but by killing you I shall prove that I am worthy of promotion to second in command!" Said Black Mask with evil goals. He then tried to shock Garfield back with Force Lightning to no effect.

"The only promotion you will get is the Circles of Hell." Garfield shrugged off the Force Lighting before pulling back and punching Black Mask in the face, breaking his mask into a million pieces and launching him onto the balcony above Garfield.

"Uh oh Garfield you just gave me the HIGH GROUND! Thanks to it I have the COUP DE GRACE!" Black Mask yelled with triumph as he jumped and swung his lightsaber straight at Garfields heart.

"High ground, low ground, my fists of justice will kill you just the same." Said Garfield as the lightsaber bounced harmlessly off of Garfields impenetrable steel skin. Garfield then grabbed Black Masks lightsaber blade and crumpled the laser up like aluminum foil.

"Oh I love a merry-go-round. How about you?" Joked Garfield as he spun the screaming Black Mask like a record.

"Please let me go Garfield! I choose surrender! I was out of my mind to ever think I could take on you!" Black Mask confessed with submission.

"You can't take me, but can you take gravity?" Said Garfield with finisher as he tossed Black Mask and while Black Mask was in mid-air Garfield threw Lasagna Sword Garfield for a round trip.

"No, I guess you can't." Garfield remarked as his sword sliced Black Mask in two. Garfield did stylish sheathing of his sword after he caught it, and Black Masks severed halfs splattered across the floor of Sionis Manor.

Garfield then walked over to Black Mask upper half which was still alive. Black Mask gasped for his last breaths like a fat jogger.

"Tell me everything you know about Boss Dark Side and I will make your suffering is brief." Garfield loaded his Desert Eagles up and put one under Black Masks chin.

"Alright, Garfield. First off Boss Dark Side is actually B" Black Mask began but before he could finish saying Boss Dark Sides real name a crossbow bolt lodged itself in his throat, killing him.

"Naughty naughty! Stitches get snitches!" Said The Huntress with bubbly tone as she skipped out of the shadows. The Huntress had changed from her superhero outfit into sexy Catholic school girl clothing, showing off her wavy raven black bob of hair and mascara that was now stained tears. She stopped halfway to Garfield, shrouded in shadows.

"Huntress what are you doing? I was going to kill him but only after he told me who Boss Dark Side is!" Said Garfield with frustrations.

"Who cares about Boss Dark Side? All that matter is you Garfield. For this world is you. You are the world. And I am Huntress, the absence of peace. Peace that I shall only find in your love." The Huntress giggled as she smiled so sweetly at Garfield from the darkness it was disturbing.

"There's a time and place for love but this isn't it! Lady, what has gotten into you? " Said Garfield as he took a few cautionary steps back.

"You did Garfield. You killed my Daddy and I hate and love you for it. You're my devil and my messiah. My Alpha and My Omega. I hurt myself thinking about you. I tore my skin in your name and I felt so alive." The Huntress said like madwoman as she stepped out of the shadows with her arms outstretched for a hug. Garfield's eyes widened as he saw several wide, bleeding fresh cuts on The Huntress' arms and all her crossbow tips in in her quiver already bloodstained.

With unexpected strength, The Huntress tackled Garfield like a quarterback and pinned him down. She then began rubbing all over him seductively while trying to feed him from her bleeding cuts while Garfield struggled to get her off of him.

"My life for yours, for I am nothing but the echoes of your deeds. Without you I am nothing and if I cannot have you then lets die together and rest forever." The Huntress said with crazed devotion as she tried to pull Garfields clothes off of him with her legs while strangling him with her bare hands.

"You need a nice long rest in Arkham Asylum you wacko!" Garfield managed to kick Huntress off of him. She got to her feet and pointed her crossbow at him.

"Don't you want me, baby? Tell me you do, or you'll be saw-ree!" The Huntress begged to know in insane sing-song voice as she aimed her crossbow at Garfield. This time her aim was steady and true.

"Believe me when I say I don't. And you were never anything to me. This love affair is all in your sad mind." Said Garfield with sternness.

The Huntress just laughed as she fired her crossbow at Garfield. With sharp reflexes, Garfield snatched the bolt out of mid-air and threw it back at Huntress, impaling her right in her heart against the wall.

"Oooooh Garfield, I can feel your love inside me." Said The Huntress with dying delusions. She then ripped the bolt out of her heart and stabbed herself all over in the chest and belly screaming in pained pleasure with every stab until her eyes rolled back and she died.

"Damn. I've met some crazy broads in my time but this takes the cake. What a waste. What a shame." Said Garfield with melancholy as he lit up a lasagna cigarette, looking at her corpse and he bent over to close her eyes before he turned away.

The Birds of Prey then started waking up, after a flash of light.

"Garfield-senpai, is something wrong?" Asked Cassandra Cain with concern as she noticed Garfield standing off in the distance, gazing out the windows of ruined Wayne Manor as he smoked.

"No, Cass, it's just a Monday. And I hate Mondays." Said Garfield briskly, with a total calm poker face that gave nothing away. He finished his cigarette and flung it aside, starting a fire that would end Wayne Manor and its cursed history.

"C'mon, Birds of Prey, I think this is Mission Accomplished. Let's get something to eat." Said Garfield cheerfully as his female compatriots cheered. They walked away in formation with good laughs and gossip, not looking back to see that the Huntress' corpse was vanished into thin air.

In a space fortress high above the Earth undetected, The Huntress came to awash in rays of purple light.

"I should be dead. Yet I am alive. How is this possible?" The Huntress asked her thoughts out loud.

"Thank my Purple Ray. I stole schematics from the Amazons and have toiled to perfect it among my many other gadgets." Said a voice from behind Huntress that sent chills down her spine, for it was a voice of pure evil.

"I must give some credit to my test subject. An old acquaintance, perhaps you could say, friend of mine." The Huntress heard some blood dropping. She took a small peek, saw a bloodstained crowbar held in the hand of her resurrector.

"He once used this crowbar to kill a good trooper who was like a son to me. So I use it now to kill him. Ironic, don't you think?" The mystery man posited to the Huntress.

In the background was The Joker, all dead from crowbar and being doused in the same purple light as she was.

The Huntress looked up and saw an impossible man standing before her. A tall imposing figure draped head to toe in a black cowl and armor suit, with shining Bat Emblem emblazoned on his chest.

It was Batman!

"Father. You're alive! But Garfield killed you!" The Huntress said with stunned.

"So you at last know the truth, my wayward bastard. Yes, I was dead at that orange ragamuffin's hands. But when you're the Goddamn Batman, death is a revolving door. I was back faster than The Flash. And I have been biding my time, building my empire, as Boss Dark Side. But soon the world will know the truth. That Batman is Returned and Forever." Batman said very forebodingly.

"Will Garfield suffer? I poured my heart out to him and all he could think was to break it." The Huntress demanded with vengeful eyes.

"Oh yes. That's a fact, Jack." Batman promised like a top notch salesman. "Garfield will think that I'm the same old Bat, but little does he know that I've gone through a Rebirth of sorts."

Batman then took off his cowl and shirt to reveal that he was no longer the grizzled old veteran who had fought Superman at the Dawn of Justice and assembled the first Justice League. He was now far younger and full of life instead of scar tissue and depression, and he sparkled in the artificial sunlight of the space station.

"It was twilight for the Batman I once was. Now it is a new day, a new dawn. And like the simpleton parasite he is, Garfield will learn that he could never have defeated me!" Batman declared with evil laughter as lighting struck and the winds howled through every precipice and inch of Batman's Space Station. Stars and angels fell from the cosmos into hell and though they did not know it the hearts of all throughout the universes suddenly became adread with helplessness and fear for there had been a war in the heavens and Batman won. Not even Garfield could stop the cruel wheels of fate that had already been set in motion.

"Batman Is." Batman said of inevitability and absolutes as he strolled to the observation deck of his space station and watched the Milky Way, knowing that whatever empty outer space touched would soon be his.

To be continued…


	6. Chapter 6

Garfield League of America 2 Chapter Six – Black Adam Strikes!

Garfield was at the Justice League of America headquarters in his private office having Michael Mann movie marathon during his lunch break.

"Michael Mann is real filmmaker genius a general who has never made a wrong tactic and a mastermind without peer. Christopher Nolan and Quentin Tarantino are but little baby amateurs filming their own bathroom breaks and calling it art by comparison." Said Garfield with truth as he enjoyed great filmmaking and top-notch narrative with excellent acting of Miami Vice while eating lasagna.

"Tryhard Anthony Hopkins and the loudly overrated Silence of the Lambs has nothing on Brian Cox in Manhunter." Superman added with some more facts as he sat ata nearby desk eating a all-american cheeseburger.

Garfields secretary Wonder Woman then walked in.

"Hello Garfield I am here to tell you the rest of Justice League of America is back for the meeting." Wonder Woman said with scheduling.

"Very well lets get the meat of the matter over with." Said Garfield as he got up and got out.

Garfield and Superman then went to the Hall of Justice Round Table where the Justice League of America gathered for their meetings.

Seated at the table was an attractive slender young man in black and blue skinsuit and a robotic tank of a cybernetic black man.. It was Nightwing and Cyborg!

"Before we get to some serious matters I would like to introduce some new members to our esteemable team. Please welcome Billy Batson and his bro Freddy Freeman." Said Garfield with introductions as the JLA's teleporter turned on and out walked Billy Batson and Freddy Freeman who hobbled after him on his cripple crutches.

"Um Garfield did you happen to call the wrong number off the resume?" Asked Nightwing with some confusion.

"My scans aren't picking up anything super about either of them. But theres something it can recognize… something… magic?" Cyborg wondered as he scanned the two youths with his cybernetics.

"Ha ha you two should not be such skeptics. I've had the pleasure of working with these two and trust me they got what it takes to play in the Big Leagues." Superman said with good word with a wink to Billy Batson and Freddy Freeman.

The two then cleared their throats and with the Magic Word of SHAZAM! turned into the Big Red Superhero Shazam and his trusty sidekick Blue Shazam.

"Alright that's more like it!" Nightwing clapped with all his doubts settled.

"And our regular Green Lantern Hal Jordan and our regular substitute Jon Stewart are both busy with First Lantern incident up in space they have sent a temp Green Lantern in to fill in for their duties." Garfield finished and then the teleporter started up again.

There was an explosion of rainbow smoke and out of the puffs stepped a Green Lantern man dressed in ridiculous looking jacket with bad haircut of ginger hair. He was carrying a boombox that was playing sissy music of Madonna's Get in the Groove, and strutting and headbopping dancing like a fool.

"Yo wazzup. I'm like Guy Gardner and I'm like totally the Greatest Space Warrior in the Like Whole Galaxy ever, you know?" Said Guy Gardner with extremely inflated introduction.

"Quiet down or your hair and face are next." Said Garfield with strictness as he pulled out his Desert Eagle and shot Guy Gardners boombox to pieces.

"Yes Garfield I will like totally shutting up now." Guy Gardner gulped and scurried into the Green Lanterns seat the table.

"On to business. Gentleman I have reason to believe that Boss Dark Side is planning something big. Something that will devastate our beloved America." Garfield said as he began meeting with graveness.

"Oh man let him try! With Shazam and I on the team the JLA can beat anyone!" Blue Shazam thought very bravely.

Garfield then opened up a holographic projector which projected holograms.

"This is Black Adam. I hear that he is a very tough manly fighter and ancient champion hero who also really hates Boss Dark Side. It would be in best interests to recruit him as ally for American Justice." Said Garfield with mission statement as he showed hologram of a muscular brown man in black suit who had lightning symbol on his chest a lot like Shazams.

"Black Adam hangs out in Kahndaq just a quick plane ride away. Lets hope hes willing to chat but come prepared to whack a fool or two." Superman said with locations and precuations.

Garfield and crew were about to charge to the Justice League of Americas air hangars to jet to Kahndaq when Wonder Woman interrupted him at the door.

"Garfield I know Black Adam is urgencies but I also have urgent matters." Wonder Woman told Garfield nervously.

"Anything for you my ruby rose." Said Garfield as he made flirtatious leaning pose next to Wonder Woman with one hand on the doorframe.

"Garfield I know that you do not approve of me doing fighting as a woman because you love me and do not wish me risking harm. But I love to fight and it is how I best show my love for the one I love." Wonder Woman said with love.

"Wonder Woman I have alrady lost you once. As the man who loves you I cannot ever risk that happening again. That is why I must keep you out of Justice League of America operation." Said Garfield regrettably with justifications.

"I know Garfield. That is perfect understandable. But that is why I have pursued secondary carrer to superheroics in music to show how much I love you!" Wonder Woman revealed out of the blue. "After months of small shows in small clubs my first big concert is today and I would be honored if you can grace it with your presence."

"I would love nothing more my Wonder. Even if the entire world was on my shoulders I would drop it for you." Garfield then turned to Superman. "Superman can you and the boys handle Black Adam on your own?"

"Count on it Bro." Superman and Garfield did their secret handshake before flashing each other thumbs ups.

Superman and rest of the Justice League of America then boarded a plane and flew to the middle eastern desert nation of Kahndaq until they arrived at Black Adam's house.

"Remember Garfield is counting on us. Be on your A Game" Superman said with reminders to the others.

"Don't worry Superman we won't let you or Garfield down!" Promised Blue Shazam confidently.

Superman knocked on Black Adams door. Black Adam opened it with very grouchy expression on his face as he ate a kebab.

"Hi Black Adam! I'm Superman speaking on behalf of the JLA. We hate Boss Dark Side you hate Boss Dark Side how about a team up?" Superman said very diplomatically as he offered his hand.

"No I will not Justice League sucks and I hate America." Black Adam crushed the kebab he was eating in his hand out of rage. "AND NOW YOU MADE ME WASTE MY KEBAB SO YOU MUST ALL DIE. THEN I WILL MAKE NEW KEBAB OUT OF YOUR REMAINS"

Black Adam threw a punch at Superman but Superman used his superspeed to dodge it. Superman was about to use a Kryptonian jujitsu toss and hold to subdue Black Adam but suddenly a Green Lantern giant hand construct popped up and shoved him aside.

"No need to exert yourself Supes! Cause Guys like got this with like Guh-guh-guh-guh-guh-Green Lantern Power! Like lemme at 'em!" Guy Gardner charged cockily in like a challenged moose with Power Ring Gauntlets at Black Adam.

"You'll be sooooooo like eating your kebabs through like a straw like totally when I'm like done with you!" Guy Gardner said as he did one-two punch cmobos on Black Adams chest totally unaware he was doing as much damage as a paper airplane against a battleship fleet.

"PAINTED UP IMBECILE. CAN YOU SMELL WHAT BLACK ADAM IS COOKING?" Black Adam caught Guy Gardners fist and threw him up into the sky before unleashing lighting on him.

"Oh no he's like cooking me! Soooooooo not wizard." Guy Gardner realized as Black Adam fried him with lighting, short circuiting his ring and knocking him out with nth degree burns.

"And now the seasoning for finishing touches!" Black Adam then did the People's Elbow on Guy Gardner caving in his ribcage.

"Nightwing I think you should take your break now." Superman suggested because Nightwing had no superpowers while everyone else did and Superman had no intents of throwing his good friend to the slaughter.

"Sure thing! It's Pizza Time!" Nightwing shouted as he ran away back into the plane.

"Um all this magic Shazam stuff makes my robot head go screwy! So good luck!" Cyborg waved good-bye as he sprinted after Nightwing in retreat.

Black Adam flew at Superman again but Shazam and Blue Shazam intercepted him midway.

"What is this? You insolent whelps also possess the Power of Shazam?" Black Adam asked with disbelief as he and Shazam recognized the lighting on each others chests.

"Yeah and we will send you to sleep with the fossils with it!" Shazam taunted Black Adam as he grabbed his face and unleashed lightning from his hands point blank while Blue Shazam incessantly pounded him in the back.

"NOVICES! YOU HAVE HAD MERE DAYS TO SQUANDER THIS GIFT WHILE I HAVE HAD LIFETIMES TO MASTER IT!" Black Adam said with skill as he shook off Shazams lighting like it was nothing and then absorbed it for more power.

"BLACK ADAM SUPERNOVA!" Black Adam said as he made a big electric explosion that knocked out Shazam and Blue Shazam and sent them flying into sensitive military zone.

Only Black Adam and Superman were left standing.

"I don't wish to hurt you Black Adam. What happened to Enemy of My Enemy Is My Friend?" Superman said with last chances as his fists got ready.

"You will just stab me in my back as soon as the coast is clear! Friendship is for the chumps and Superman is better dead than Black Adam sorry!" Black Adam flew towards Superman for a bisecting killcharge.

"Hey why are you not in two bloody pieces?" Said Black Adam with disbelief as he splatted to a halt against Superman who stood in place totally unaffected by his force.

"I dunno but you'll be so bloody they'll rename you RED DEAD ADAM!" Superman said with timely pop culture joke as he mildly flicked his finger against Black Adam and sent him flying.

"Owie zowie!" Black Adam cried as he thudded and bounced against the sands like a skipping stone.

"Ugh that was dirty sucker punch. Imma clean your clock for that!" Said Black Adam as he recovered and with MAXIMUM POWER delivered the strongest punch he had ever thrown clean into Superman's face. It was such powerful punch that a miniature nuclear explosion went off in Supermans face.

When the dust clouds cleared Supernan stood unaffected unimpressed without a single scratch or sweat.

"Huh? Was that a mild breeze?" Said Superman mockingly as Black Adam shook his hand in agany cause it was now broken.

"How are you so powerful Superman? You were not chosen to be Champion of Shazam like I was!" Whined Black Adam as he wailed on Superman futiley with his one free hand to know effect.

"Because I have the true superpower the one that no laser or lightning can defeat the superpower of FRIENDSHIP!" Laughed Superman as Black Adam puny fists bounced more harmlessly off him than ping pong balls.

"FRIENDSHIP? HOW! FRIENDSHIP IS FOR WEAK WEAKLINGS" Black Adam begged to know as he collapsed onto his nees for permanent breather.

"You think that a man is an island and that is where true strength comes from. But that ideal of manliness is a gilded lie and when the hurricanes of misfortunes come you'll be all washed out to seas of despair with no one to save you from the depths. But with friendship, a man becomes a continent that can weather any storm." Superman said with simple true wisdom as he turned his back on Black Adam for he knew that behind him was no champion worthy of any more of his time.

"FRIENDS JUST WANT TO STEAL MY TREASURE. ILL SHOW YOU THE FOLLY OF FRIENDSHIP SUPERMAN." Raged Black Adam as he lurched towards Superman one last time.

Superman sighed with regret for he knew that Black Adam left him no more optinos.

"I guess your skull is too thick to get my message across without breaking it. I cant do that so I have only one choice left." Superman said with no killing rule and then did spinning backhanded Black Adam making him reel like a loopy opossum.

"Black Adam your going on time-out. FOREVER." Superman said as he uppercutted Black Adam into space. Superman then pulled out his Super Comet Guitar and strummed Another One Bites The Dust by Queen from The Game Album to open a portal to the Phantom Zone with his Superman Music powers.

"CURSE YOU SUPERMAN! CURSE YOU AND YOUR FRIENDSHIP!" Black Adam wailed helplessly in space as Superman then transitioned into next song on album Need Your Loving Tonight to augment his heat vision all the way up to eleven. As he jammed on his guitar and sang the chorus Superman fired ultrapowered heat vision and blasted Black Adam straight into the Phantom Zone.

"In time perhaps you'll see that friendship is a blessing not a curse. And time is something you'll have plenty of in there." Superman waved au revoir to Black Adam as he skipped ahead to I Want To Break Free from The Works for ironic effect to finish off his improv performance and sealed the portal to the Phantom Zone.

However in this moment of triumph Superman was totally unaware of an evil resurgence in the same moment.

"Ah after six years Im free its time to conquer Earth!" Said a wicked female voice of a woman slipping out right as the portal closed. It was the evil Kryptonian Dominatrix Faora-Ul finally escaping the Phantom Zone where Garfield and Superman had imprisoned her during the Man of Steel Incident.

Faora-Ul then flew to a yet to be known location in search of both lust and vengeance upon the Man who had dealt her so much humiliation and suffering: Garfield.

With Black Adam taken care of Superman then walked back into the plane where Nightwing and Cyborg were having pizza time.

"Black Adam cannot be our friend But Im sure Garfield will take some comfort in knowing he cannot be our enemy either." Superman told Nightwing and Cyborg of the news.

"We knew you'd pull through Big Blue!" Cyborg applauded Superman.

"Here we saved you the last pizza!" Nightwing tossed Superman a piping hot extra large box of pizza topped with pepperoni sausage pesto jalapenos onions ricotta meatballs diced garlic and spicy sauce.

"Thanks guys. This jalapenos got a more satisfying crunch than Zods snapped neck!" Joked Superman as he folded the entire pizza up and took a big heros bite.

"Hey we heard over the comms that Black Adam had treasure. Wanna go see what he was willing to kill us over?" Cyborg suggested as he pulled up maps.

"Sure why not." Superman agreed and the trio walked to Black Adams house. But when they got inside the entire place had been looted and picked bare, with an empty dustless patch where a treasure chest could have fit present.

"Hmm judging by all evidence this happened recently while you and Black Adam were tussling!" Nightwing realized to Superman as he used his detective skills to analyze the room.

"But who could be skilled enough to infiltrate an active super war zone and get out without any of us knowing?" Superman asked and in his heart he already knew there was one who fit that profile and he dreaded that it could be true.

"I know who you're thinking of but it canont be! Garfield killed him!" Cyborg said deducing Supermans fears as Nightwing shivered at the thought.

"Yes but with so many of our classic enemies resurrectioned lately why not him as well? Still let us not dwell on what might be and let us celebrate what has been. Lets find our new Shazam Friends report back to Garfield and then get ice cream. It'll be my treat" Said Superman with mission well done as Nightwing and Cyborg cheered and the airplane then took off. Guy Gardner was left behind broken and weeping but he could probably UBER back to America.

If any of the Justice League had looked back at that moment maybe they could have seen the Batmobile suddenly uncloak and open up as Batman jumped inside.

"Such idiot morons! Had they been more inquisitive perhaps they could have stopped me! But now I control all cards and the whole bowl of chips. I am become Destiny." Batman chuckled as he landed in the Drivers Seat with Black Adams treasure chest sitting in his lap.

"Ooh what do you have there Daddy?" The Huntress asked Batman from the seat next to him.

"Huntress I so love it when you call me Daddy. It reminds me of your mother so enticingly. Now lets see what Black Adam was so peachy keen to protect from I, Batman." Batman said as he popped the chest open illuminating his face with the shining light from the contents within. The treasure is what the ancient wizard Shazam had entrusted to Black Adams protection long ago and what Batman in his guise of Boss Dark Side had tried to acquire for so long and had failed to until now.

"Excellent. Just what the Bat Doctor ordered." Smiled Batman as he took out an arrow with a golden head with polished silver tip. Batman turned over the arrow a few times admiring its craftsmanship before he made the unexpected sudden mood and plunged the arrow directly in his heart.

For a few silent moments it seemed as if the Batman had ended his evil schemes by his own hand as he slumped forward seemingly dead.

But then there was the sound of vortexes and energies swirling. Batman rose up and levitated and his eyes turned pure black for a moment as his body became a receptacle for pure power that harnessed the hidden potentials and inner desires of his very twisted soul.

"POWER! I NEED MORE POWER!" Said Batman with godforsaken wanting as his voice echoed and he laughed uncontrollably like the maniac Joker he once fought. Finally the explosion of chaos ceased as all mysteries of the mysterious arrow had been unlocked and concentrated within Batman. More devil than man Batman smiled sinisterly knowing what he had to do.

Batman pushed a big red button on the Batmobiles dashboard. As the Batmobile sprouted wings and started flying towards the cosmos Batman readied Phase One of spreading the darkness that he carried within his very soul to the all of existence.

To be continued…


	7. Chapter 7

Garfield League of America 2 Chapter Seven – A Star Is Born!

Wonder Woman was in her dressing room getting all dressed and ready for her concert. She hummed the 70s Wonder Woman theme song as a Warm Up as she took one last look at herself in the mirror. Shed slipped out of her familiar battle armor and into an attractive all-American schoolgirl princess outfit blazed all over with the Stars and Stripes that emphasized innocence youth and naivety.

"I had this custom made with my last three paychecks juts for Garfield. I hope he likes it." Wonder Woman nervously confided in her assistant a fat woman named Etta Candy.

"I'm sure he will now get out ther and knock their socks off." Said Etta Candy with reassurances as she gobbled down her eighth Snickers bar of the minute.

"Okay I am ready for this." Said Wonder Woman as she pumped herself up to ease away the last of her stage fright doubs.

Outside Garfield was in front row seat at a jampacked Madison Square Garden with stage set for concert.

"Action is what I live for but even a hero like myself can appreciate one small break for his lady." Said Garfield anticipatedly as he leaned back in his seat with a lasagna cigarette in his mouth, a lasagna sub in one hand and a lasagna rum cocktail in the other.

Announcer Funky Flashman then took the stage to hype up the crowds.

"Excelsior, True Believers! We are all seated here for this historic occasion The First Ever Concert of A Rising Star in the Music Scene. Wonder Woman is here to perform several marvelous songs from her new album "Wonder Woman 1984" the follow-up to her collector's item debut album "Wonder Woman!"" Said Funky Flashman as the crowds cheered and chanted Wonder Woman's name.

With a flash of smoke and fireworks Wonder Woman then descended from the skies above onto the stage.

Wonder Woman then did singing as she did superbly choreographed dance routines as cheery pop music played.

The audiences cheered like baseball fans seeing team score endless grand slams but what motivated Wonder Woman most of all to sing and dance her best was catching Garfield's approving thumbs ups and nods of silence as she shook like a swan and spun like fresh snow gently descending from the leaves in a wind.

All was going well until Wonder Woman got to her last song and suddenly something exploded from the roof and landed on the stage. A woman all geared up in Kryptonian battle armor dusted herself up. It was Faora-Ul!

"What is the meaning of this intrusion?" Said Wonder Woman with anger as she stormed up to the feminine intruder and instantly the two woman begin to size each other up like jealous vipers.

"Oh my Stars and Garters! Has the Distinguished Competition come to crash the party?" Funky Flashman asked the crowd causing oohs and hushed chatter throughout.

"My name is Faora-Ul! And I have come to remake the Great Planet of Krypton by conquering this dirt pit of Earth and enslaving your great champion Garfield to sire my heirs to create new super race!" Announced Faora-Ul with tyrannical intentions as she pointed finger at the amused Garfield in the audience.

"Tie me up all you like but at the end its always you at my mercy." Garfield winked and sipped his lasagna cocktail.

"Wonder Woman I see that you are the harlot Garfield has chosen as his preferred mate! I challenge you to a Death Match for his affections!" Faora-Ul hissed like a randy alley cat as she got up into Wonder Womans face and so close to her their breasts squashed together.

"I refuse! Because any woman can be a fighter but only the best can be a star!" Wonder Woman slapped Faora-Ul and shoved her back. "So I decline your challenge and instead I challenge you to IDOL SHOWDOWN!"

"Very well! I have come prepared for such an occassion!" Faora-Ul then ripped off her battle armor to reveal that she was wearing underneath a all-black frilly gothic Lolita cowgirl maid outfit of naughty dark leather and lace. Faora-Ul was such dazzling sight that half the crowd turned on Wonder Woman and began cheering her on for looks alone!

"As the Man of the Hour, I will be judging this duel of the sirens with help of my two hand-picked and completely unbiased assistants." Garfield said with a knowing wink to Wonder Woman as he set up a judges table. As Garfield took a seat his two assistants an attractive blackhaired woman in a stage magicians get up and a shifty looking blonde Englishman in trenchcoat smoking a Silk Cut cigarette joined him. It was Zatanna and John Constantine!

Wonder Woman was up to perform first.

"Why bother, Wonder Trollop? Quit and concede I am superior specimen of womanhood before I utterly humiliate you with my moves and grooves!" Faora-Ul taunted her as she stepped back.

"Faora-Ul you spacecase I am not afraid of you or any army! I will show you why it's a Wonder Woman World for Garfield!" Wonder Woman said with confidence as she took center stage and a spotlight fell on her.

Wonder Woman's special band took stage behind her. It was Donna Troy on guitar, Cassie Sandsmark on saxphone, Artemis on drums, and her mother Hippolyta on the synthesizer. They launched into incredible symphony as Wonder Woman snapped her fingers composing an intensely rhythmic retro beat made of hardcore electric guitar riffs and funky synthesizer beats with lots and lots of saxphone solos.

With adorable wink, Wonder Woman leapt right into action. Without missing a single step or beat, Wonder Woman transfixed the audience with her smooth moves and the voice of an angel as her entire being seemed to glow.

Faora-Uls jaw dropped as she realized in sweating fear that this is what she would compete with soon.

Wonder Woman sang a song about loving Garfield's manhood being yourself while you are young and free and world peace that left everyone in the audience spellbound and on the verge of admiration tears.

As Wonder Woman's song ended and her dance winded down, she topped things off with stylish and sexy curtsy to the audience. The crowd went wild with applause and chanted her name totally starstruck.

"Your move sister." Was all Wonder Woman said to suddenly nervous Faora-Ul as her turn came up.

Faora-Ul took the stage and as the spotlight fell on her suddenly all her confidence dropped like sack of pennies from the top of Empire State Building.

Faora-Ul gulped with nervously as her backup band made of Supermans c-list villains Parasite Metallo Mongul and Atomic Skull shambled onto stage like twenty car pile ups and their music playing was just as catastrophic.

When Faora-Ul tried singing a song that covered all of Wonder Woman's songs themes in a much lamer and cheapter uninspired fashion her voice came out not as that of an angels but like drunken offkey Austrian goatfarmer if someone kicked him in the groin after he lost his voice. Her moves were without grace or inspiration as she flopped about like a ballooning beach humpback whale.

Very soon the entire audience was hissing and jeering. Everyone in audience began throwing bottles and rocks at Faora-Ul and soon the boos grew too much to bear. Faora-Ul then took a look at Garfield. Where he had been totally into Wonder Woman with clapping along to the beat Garfield wasn't even paying attention to her big moment as the only attention he had to give was on the lasagna he was eating.

(This is a partial reference to classic music drama film of Eastern German cinema Solo Sunny)

Because of this before she even finished her song Faora-Ul ran off the stage crying while Wonder Woman blew raspberries at her. The cheers that audience gave were ones of the relief that the embarrassment was over. The stage lights then fell off and crushed Faora-Uls band to death

"Ha ha I don't think we even need to question who won that!" Funky Flashman joked as the crowd cheered for Wonder Woman as she leapt up and down in joy and accepted trophies for her victory. Confetti fell down on Wonder Woman as lights of cameras shuttered from everywhere and Wodner Woman smiled because she knew this was the proudest moment ever of her life.

Later Garfield was walking to Wonder Woman's dressing room backstage with Zatanna and John Constantine.

"Thanks for casting hex to turn Faora-Ul's dancing schemes topsy-turvy." Said Garfield with thanks to Zatanna and John Constantine because they were actually magic magicians.

"No problem Garfield. Anything for a mate." John Constantine said suavely as he lit a cigarette for Garfield.

"Garfield I know one way you can thank me. I love it when you do that Hocus Pocus to me." Said Zatanna with longing for Garfields touch wichch had the power to heal and his look which was almost unreal.

"Sorry fishnets I'd normally love to get all caught up in you but there's only one woman on my mind right now. But don't fret next time I'm in Vegas I'll be sure to look you up." Garfield said with promise as he smoked his cigarette. With nod Zatanna and John Constantine opened up a magic portal to San Francisco and disappeared for more adventuers of their own.

As Garfield turned a corner he was suddenly ambushed by a Faora-Ul in despairing heat. Sobbing she tried to force herself on Garfield.

"What is the meaning of this, female?" Asked Garfield as he kicked Faora-Ul off him.

"Can you see nothing from my perspective? I was born and bred to serve Krypton at any cost! And all those years I spent trapped in Phantom Zone were like eternity and all I could think of was you! A Warrior Born of Earth who somehow exceeded the powers of General Zod the finiest Warrior Krytpon ever produced!" Faora-Ul implored Garfield as she got on her knees with puppy dog eyes.

"If Pathetic Zod was the best Krypton could produce I'd hate to see their worst." Said Garfield dismissively.

"That is not the point Garfield. What I am saying si that you are the manliest most wantable man I have ever seen. I want to mate with you even more than I am wanting to serve Krypton." Begged Faora-Ul.

"Hmm I do have some minutes before I am to meet with Wonder Woman." Garfield said as he looked at his watch.

"Oh Garfield when you are done with me Wonder Woman will be forgotten used tampon in the back of your minds." Said Faora-Ul with promises as she got undressed in front of Garfield.

Garfield lead her into a janitors closet and kicked out all the janitors stuff. Garfield rolled out a luxury Arabian silk rug and laid Faora-Ul down on it. Garfield then pulled out a jukebox and put it down before selecting Start Me Up by The Rolling Stones to set the romantic mood.

Garfield and Faora-Ul then embraced each other romantically and snuggled in nudity.

"Toucha-a touch-a touch me Garfield I wanna feel dirty." Said Faora-Ul with desires as Garfield rubbed his gentle but firm lovers hands all over her behind and breasts.

"Ready yourself for the impact of METEORS." Warned Garfield as he spread Faora-Uls legs apart and without warning impacted and penetrated her like a guided missile.

"Oh Great Rao! I am ready to blow like Krypton!" Faora-Ul moaned helplessly as she could only wrap around Garfield like the anaconda as he thrusted into her like a master samurai practicing katana moves on helpless training dummy.

"Yo ho Garfield you are just perfection! BREAK MY NECK MY BACK AND MY ENTIRE BEING WITH ALL YOUR LOVING!" Shrieked Faora-Ul as her eyes rolled back as her entire body gave itself up and washed over with pleasure from Garfields loving.

Garfield then got dressed as he left Faora-Ul agonized on the ground from his loving.

"Don't leave Garfield. Don't tell me we just did what we did and already you have forgotten me for your shallow Amazonian call girl." Faora-Ul hissed with jealousy. "Have I not proven that I am superior lover woman despite our history of violence together?"

Hearing that Garfield looked back at Faora-Ul with justice blazing in his eyes.

"If it had been just me that you had committed trespasses against perhaps I would give some consideration to your harpy tongue. But when you made First Contact in Smallville, USA, Earth six years ago you did not just threaten me with your evil but America as well. And an enemy of America is something I can never forgive good pony ride or no. I'd pay your cab fare to hell but you aren't worth a cent to me." Said Garfield with the judgment of justice. He tossed Faora-Ul a noose and a stool and bleakly she nodded for she knew his words were truth and final and she knew just what to do with his parting gifts.

Meanwhile Wonder Woman was in her dressing room in high good spirits. She had vanquished a rival for Garfields affections and she knew she had proved just how much of a worthy lover she was for the Greatest Man There Ever Was.

There was a knock at the door and Wonder Woman expected it was Garfield.

"Just a second!" Wonder Woman said as she got to the door and opened it. But it was not Garfield!

"Hello Angel. Did you miss me?" It was Wonder Woman's first ever lover, Chris Pine! And he looked just as young as he was the day he died despite the decades of years that had passed!

"Chris Pine! But you are supposed to be dead!" Said Wonder Woman with disbelief.

"I was but remember the man who brought you back my picture? Now he has brought me back so we can be together again." Chris Pine said mysteriously. He held his arms out for tender embrace but Wonder Woman shied away.

Chris Pine walked in and closed the door behind him.

"Chris Pine you do not understand! I have moved on and found new love with Garfield." Wonder Woman insisted as Chris Pine closed in.

"Come on Angel. You know Garfield is just a phase of your confused grief. But I am back now and together we can be happy forever." Said Chris Pine as he cornered Wonder Woman and leaned in for a kiss. Wonder Woman whimpered unable to escape.

"NOT ON MY WATCH." Said Garfield with rescue just in time as he kicked down the door.

"Prepare To Die Garfield She Is Mine!" Chris Pine yelled with delusions as he sprang towards Garfield with killing hands.

"Find love in the scrapheap." Said Garfield to Chris Pine as he whipped out his two Desert Eagles and blasted Chris Pine full of holes like a woodpecker.

"Ugh-A. I am dead again." Said Chris Pine as he fell over and died. Garfield and Wonder Womans realized that Chris Pines blood was not red like a normal human but it was white instead!

"Just as I suspected! A Weyland-Yutani Android!" Deduced Garfield with recognition.

"A what now?" Asked Wonder Woman clueless because she did not keep up with technology.

"Top of the line android robotics almost indistinguishable from a human. But they are not supposed to be invented for many more centuries!" Said Garfield of the future sensing that a mystery was afood. And he could guess who was responsible.

"Wonder Woman I am sorry. It seems thatever Boss Dark Side has planned hes putting it into motion. I had big celebration for your big night planned but I am going to have to postpone it." Apologized Garfield as he got ready to do a runner for duty.

"It is okay Garfield. Because I know that I love you and I am loved." Said Wonder Woman with understanding. "And I hope that you know I would never have left you the golden man of my present for a phantom of my past."

"It was never a doubt my Angel of the Eternity." Waved Garfield with a dashing farewell.

Meanwhile back in Kahndaq Billy Batson and Freddy Freeman were coming to.

"Ugh my head feels like its been kicked by a thousand Rockettes." Grumbled Billy Batson with a headache.

"Where the blazes are we Billy Batson? And it seems Black Adam hit us with such force he knocked us out of our Shazam forms!" Freddy Freeman realized out of the haze.

Freddy Freeman was answered with a dozen soldiers with rifles pointed at him.

"Hands up American scum! You are under arrest for trespassing with your imperialist presence in our top secret military zone!" Said Kahndaq Military Leader with hate.

"Wait we are here just by accident! This is big misunderstanding!" Said Billy Batson trying to defuse things.

"I do not care! You think that I will not hesitate to wipe American filth from the face of Earth just because you are children?" Said the Kahndaq Military Leader with scoffing.

"Oh no Billy Batson we will not be able to say Shazam in time before the bullets cut us up!" Realized Freddy Freeman with direness.

"Your seconds are all up! Ready yourselves to join your Great Satan in Hell Americans!" Laughed the Kahndaq Military Leader as he gave order to kill the two young heroes.

But suddenly their weapons jammed on them and then flew out of their hands with an invisible force!

"What in the" The Kahndaq Military Leader began but he could never finish because their rifles then opened fire on him and his soldiers killing them all.

"We are saved! But by whom?" Billy Batson said never counting chickens before they hatch.

An imposing man in a red helmet and cape then floated down from above. He removed his helmet to reveal thin hair of light brown hair on head.

"I am Magneto Master of Magnet! I am a superhero from another multiverse of existence separate to yorus!" Said Magneto in British accent with totally truth.

"Wow Superheroes from Other Dimensions of Existence!" Freddy Freeman said amazed.

"Boss Dark Side destroyed my world with the power of Dark Phoenix and he will do the same to yours! Come with me I have secret project that can help you superheroes protect your existence!" Magneto said with totally genuine wholesome intents.

"Cmon Billy Batson he needs our help lets go!" Said Freddy Freeman as he dragged Billy Batson with him as he followed after Magneto into a innocuous white van.

Moments later after Magneto drove off in his van the Justice League of Americas airplane arrived at the scene of destruction.

"Damn we are too late! Where have Shazam and Blue Shazam gone?" Said Superman as he looked around.

"Hmm let me use my Detective Skills!" Said Nightwing as he examing the surroundings and deduced things. When he finished he told Superman and Cyborg everything that just happened.

"Magneto Master of Magnet? I have never heard of him. And a wholly separate multiverse to our own?" Superman rubbed his chin suspicious of the whole thing.

"I am scanning all residual heat signatures and other evidence left behind!" Said Cyborg as he poked a red laser everywhere. "I am not picking up any foreign multiverse dna which any foreigner to our reality would have left but I am picking up something weird! I am picking up traces of tech that will not be invented until far in our future!"

"Time travel huh this is getting bad." Nightwing began but then he heard something. "Hey do you guys hear some"

The Batmobile came out of nowhere blaring Eurobeat music and collided into Nightwing sending him flipping into the hair like a burger patty.

Nightwing came up in the crosshairs of The Huntress who was perched on some ruins pillars nearby, holding a sniper crossbow.

"Seems a shame to waste your ass, Nightwing Onii-Chan. But what Daddy says I do." The Huntress licked her lips and fired.

Nightwing came crashed down to Earth with a bolt stuck in his head. Cyborg rushed over with concern while Superman tried to explode the Batmobile with his heat vision but the Batmobile dodged it all with expert drifting.

"Nightwing hold still! I will fix you up!" Cyborg promised as he did quick improvised surgery as he ran through the entire Internet in his mind to learn how to do it.

"I got you old buddy! Are you still good to fight?" Cyborg said as he saved Nightwing but something was wrong. Nightwing took a look at Cyborg then pulled a knife out of his pocket and shaved his head.

"Oh no Cyborg I have the amnesia! I don't remember anything besides my name being Dick which I do not like. I much prefer the sound of Ric Grayson." Said Nightwing with horrific revelation as he took off domino mask and threw it away.

"No Nightwing we need you!" Cyborg begged.

"Shut up tin man. Nightwing sucks and being a superhero is stupid." Said Nightwing as he accepted his new fate of Ric Grayson and abandoned his friends. Ric Grayson flagged a cab and took off to parts unknown.

Caught up in the despair of losing his longtime friend Nightwing, Cyborg collapsed in grief and did not notice the Batmobile bearing down on him.

"Nooooooo!" Superman cried out in rage as the Batmobile ran over Cyborg and crushed him into nuts and bolts.

"Step out of your Hot Wheel and face me Batman you coward!" Superman issued ultimatum to his old enemy. "Or do I have to tell Martha on you?" Superman added with a wink to the camera.

"You say that name as if it means anything to me anymore. Regardless I shall accepting your challenge. But know that Krypton will soon have no sons to call her last. You can't kill me but I can kill you Superman." Batman threatened as he opened up the Batmobiles cockpit.

"I swore I would never take another mans life again. But you Batman have become something less than a man! A monster! And if I must I shall slay monsters!" Said Superman with no regrets. Superman got ready to fire his heat vision but then something funny happened.

"Wait what has happened?" Superman asked with sudden disorientation as before him the Batmobile was now a blazing wreck like he had fired upon the Batmobile with his heat vision but Superman had no recollection of doing so.

"You'll see." Batman laughed and Superman spied Batman at the bottom of a pillar. There were so many questions Superman had about Batman like how was he alive again and why was he younger and his skin sparkling in the sun. But the evil had to be stopped first.

"No it has happened again!" Superman realized as he suddenly found himself in front of the pillar, it now looking like Superman had smashed it in with fist. Superman realized that Batman was somehow now erasing time and skipping everyone forward!

Batman then appeared behind Superman and with quick moves injected a needle containing pure liquid kryptonite directly into Superman's neck.

"Aagh!" Said Superman with pain for Kryptonite was one of his few weakneses. With direct injection of kryptonite coursing through his veins Superman was soon to weak too do anything and he fell down.

"Do you savor this fear you now feel Man of Steel? It is sobering reminder that despite your gifts you are nothing. Just another rat like the rest of the superstitious and cowardly lot that shall soon kneel before me. You may see a man's soul with your xray vision but I can see the very fabric of destiny itself. And destiny is mine to do with as I please!" Batman said with evil speech.

"Ugh Batman even if I fall Garfield will stop you." Superman said through gritted teeth as he struggled to his feet determined not to give up despite all odds against him.

"Ha ha ha with this power I now possess even Garfield cannot stop me! You and Garfield dare threaten my everlasting climax. You will both be destroyed for that!" Batman said as he stabbed Superman through the back with a spear with a tip forged from pure red suns.

"Damn it red suns are also another weakness of mine!" Superman swore and tried to fight back but it was too late and he felt it all going to darkness.

Supermans last thought before the darkness overcame him as he saw Batman triumphant standing over him was "Lois Lane."

Back in New York City Garfield was perched atop the Empire State Building holding his cell. To his dismay all the numbers he called for superhero meet-up were not calling back or suddenly disconnected.

Could it be possobole? That the Justice League of America had fallen? Garfield clenched his fist and did leap of faith off the Empire State Building into the depths of the Big Apple in search of answers and justice.

To be continued…


	8. Chapter 8

Garfield League of America 2 Chapter Eight – The Search for Truth and Justice!

Garfield was knocking on the door to Clark Kent (who is actually Superman) and Lois Lanes high rise apartment in Metropolis in midnight.

"Garfield? What are you doing here at such an hour?" Inquired Lois Lane as she opened up the door to reveal herself wearing loose transparent nightgown. Then she realized because she was brilliant Pulitzer winning reporter and a frown blighted her lovely face.

"Oh no! Not again!" Lois Lane said with womanly grieving as she fell onto Garfield for supporting embrace.

"Lois Lane I am sorry. Clark has disappeared but he may not be dead this time." Said Garfield trying to give Lois Lane some spot of hope for what else could he give her.

"Tell me everything." Lois Lane requested of Garfield as the two walked into her kitchen and she prepared him a cup of Lasagna Joe.

"Boss Dark Side has hit all members of my Justice League of America. I cannot find Clark, Richard and my new friends Billy and Freddy." Garfield said using their real names instead of their superhero names to show how gravely he felt. "I have only found Cyborg in such badly damaged state I had to put him in medical coma to save his life."

"This is such terrible! But Garfield you are still here. And that means theres still hope." Lois Lane said as she pulled out her Daily Planet laptop flipped it open and got dressed in front of Garfield to get to journalism work. Lois Lane then flashed Garfield a thumbs up. "Now go out there and kick some ass, Garfield. It's what Clark would wanted."

"Yes ma'am." Garfield saluted Lois Lane for her bravey compursure and make his exit.

Waiting outside for him was a familiar man covered head to toe in black and orange armor. It was Garfield's old buddy from the Nam, Deathstroke!

"How's the dame holding up?" Asked Deathstroke as the two paused for a smoke break.

"With just a pen and keyboard she is one of the finest fighters I have ever met. Superman knows how to pick 'em." Garfield said with admiration and appreciation for the services journalists have done for American society.

"So you get into contact with anymore of the Crew?" Garfield then asked Deathstroke as nighttime emptiness lingered all around them.

"Whoever Boss Dark Side is, he has moved fast. My sources in Teen Titans Doom Patrol Outsiders JSA even Young Justice all MIA and presumably their whole teams are too. Hes taking out superheroes faster than Tickle Me Elmos are flying off shelves" Deathstroke said with dated reference cause he was old.

Garfield then got a text and checked his phone.

"Damn. That was just Commissioner Gordon. They have found Orion dead in dumpster." Said Garfield with barely restrained rage at the number of his friends that had been turning up missing or dead in the past few hours. How had Boss Dark Side done all this? Destroyed America and her heroes quietly and suddenly like an insidious virus. And worst of all Garfield knew there had to have been something he could have done to stop all this. But he didn't.

"Orion is a heavy loss. But do not fear. You have me and with me the wraith of Gaia on your side." Said a new raspy voice like someone who had been drowned and throat filled with mud for years popped up. Garfield and Deathstroke looked to see forming from the lichen in the space between bricks in the building a giant mass of muscular plant life with glowing red eyes.

It was Swamp Thing! Swamp Thing then added with introductions. "I have brought along one of my friends."

In swooped a giant bald eagle that transformed into a conventially attractive blonde superhero man with good teeth. It was Animal Man!

"Hello Garfield it was only two days before my retirement to spend rest of my life with family but I could not resist chance to work with the Legend himself!" Animal Man said with awestruckness.

"I guess four's a party." Deathstroke said as he counted everyone over as they went to the bottom of building.

"It will have to do. Come on. Lets go to Gotham City and get to interrogating." Garfield cracked his knuckles as everyone piled into his Red Corvette and they drove off.

Garfield and his team arrived at the Arkham Speakeasy in the Gotham City Narrows where all the Bad Guys hung out in between prison stays.

"Villains come here to drown their sorrows in drink. Tonight I drown their lives in blood." Said Garfield as he kicked down the door.

Inside many of Gotham Citys miscreants from the best known to the obscure were gathered around Poison Ivy on the stage doing sexy poledance around beanstalk in spectatorship. From the jukebox the songs from the favlorite band of bad guys everywhere was playing which was Weezer. Then Garfield entered and all heads turned to look at him.

"Hmm enough to fund a luxury island getaway." Said Deathstroke as he counted up all the heads in the Speakeasy and how much each was worth.

"Just give me the Ok Go and I will make all these ruffians regret eating their veggies." Promised The Swamp Thing.

"Stay your seeds and bullets for now. But be ready." Garfield advised his companions.

"Oh no not again! Garfield I swear I paid my child support this month on time!" Insisted Cluemaster referencing a past altercation between him and the Mighty Orange Man of Muscles.

"Outta the way, punk. This time I'm not here for you or your lovely daughter." Garfield shoved Cluemaster aside and then climbed atop a barstool to tower above all the villains.

"Tonight a New God was murdered by Boss Dark Side in Gotham City. But above all else Orion was my friend. SO ANY OF YOU LOWLIFES GOT SOMETHING TO SAY?" Garfield asked as he fired his Desert Eagle into the air for effect.

"Oh bloddy rubbish! We don't have to say anything to you no more!" Talked back The Penguin as he smashed his glass down in anger. "For far too long we have let you terrorize us Garfield just for trying to make a quick dishonest buck! But no more! Boss Dark Sides been whittling your legend down like burning calories at the gym!"

"Yeah this time you will be the Weenie Roast and us the Happy Campers!" Said Firefly with menace as he lifted his flamethrower.

"Riddle me this Garfield! Who is a husk of a irrelevant has-been of a hero!" Taunted The Riddler as he danced up with his cane like Gene Kelly.

Garfield took all these insults in stride even as the mood in the room soon turned murderous as all the criminals began to cheer for blood.

In the background Swamp Thing was growing vines across the door to bar it.

"There is no escape Garfield! The Food Chain Will Turn!" Ratcatcher said as he summoned up some rats around him to make a battle suit of rats. (Ratcatchers power is talking to rats which still makes him more useful than Aquaman)

"You have broken us for decades Garfield. Now we return the favor and break you." Bane pushed his way through the mob that was gathering aroud Garfield and cracked his knuckles in intimidation.

"You forget your station. Boss Dark Side may have done me some hurt but I am not trapped in here with you. You're trapped in here with me. And you are in for a world of hurt!" Said Garfield as Bane tried to grab him for backbreaking. Garfield dodged and then punched Bane so hard his heart exploded from the inside. Banes corpse flew into the jukebox and the music changed to Hellraiser by Ozzy Osbourne.

Bar fight then broke out as Garfield and his friends fought for their lives.

"I like to start things off with a bang." Said Deathstroke as he shot Firefly's gas tanks making explosion that killed him along with dozens more noname Bat Rogues. while Swamp Thing found Condiment King and used his powers from the Green to expand undigested sesame seeds from a hot dog bun into full trees killing him from inside out.

"That's my kinda man, I gotta admit." Poison Ivy said lustfully regarding Swamp Thing as she backed away and hid behind the counter as Animal Man turned into a giant snake and eat Ratcatcher.

"You ever watch the movie Funeral March of the Penguins?" Quipped Garfield as he did dodge roll to avoid Penguin's deadly umbrella fire before he cut Penguin in two with Lasagna Sword Garfield.

"Wauk woe is me." The Penguin said sadly as he died.

Garfield then blocked bullets from a familiar red and silver armored man with his sword. It was Deadshot! Garfield got ready to kill the fool but Deathstroke then pushed by.

"Let me handle this. I got a score to settle with this kill stealing quack." Said Deathstroke with vendetta.

Deathstroke and Deadshot then squared off in the midst of all the chaos like two movie cowboys.

"At last my nemesis we finally meet for the last time! We are both Merchants of Death with apt monikers and this world ain't big enough for the two of us! So you gonna pull those pistols or you just gonna whistle Dixie? I know that you're afraid old man. Afraid of my generation rising up and kicking you to the retirement" Said Deadshot with taunts before Deathstroke retired him with headshot without warning.

"When you have to shoot shoot. Don't talk." Deathstroke said dismissvely as he kicked Deadshots corpse aside and rejoined the fray.

"I like that advice Deathstroke! Eat leaaaaaad!" The Ventriloquist said through Scarface as the wooden dummy blasted widly with his timmy gun.

"Slovenly manbaby. You have squandered Natures Blessings on toys." Said Swamp Thing incensed at all the trees that were wasted to make Scarface. He ripped Scarface out o fVentriloguists lap. "SO I'LL SQUANDER YOU!" Swamp Thing bashed Ventriloquists own head in with Scarface.

Garfield then found Cluemaster cowering under a table. Garfield ripped the table away exposing Cluemasters hiding spot. He had not been planning to kill Cluemaster but since it was total pandemonium why not.

"Wait Garfield remember daughter! You would not orphan her would you?" Cluemaster begged as he pulled the family card. Garfield pulled back fist.

"Hmm let me ask her." Said Garfield as he pulled out his phone and texted Cluemasters daughter Stephanie Brown if she was okay with him killing her dad. For a few moments Cluemaster waited tensely. Then Garfield got text alert ping.

"Spoiler Alert. You will see your daughter again…" Garfield began. This made Cluemaster hopeful but then he saw how Garfield was smiling and his heart sank like sack of stones. "…in heaven from hell." Garfield decapitated Cluemaster with quick sword swipe.

"Aiee get away from me Garfield!" The Riddler who had helped start all of this tried to run away from Garfield but the pile of dead baddies on the floor was now too thick and he triped after trudging through in vain.

"You know whats funner than riddles? Guessing games. Try to guess which bone I break!" Said Garfield with humorous challenge as he picked Riddler up.

"Um my funny bone?" The Riddler said hopefully.

"BRRRRT! Wrong! I'll take all of them for Trophy Prize!" Garfield corrected Riddler and then he broke all of Riddlers bones in a matter of seconds saving funny bone for last.

"Aaaaagh I need a medic bag!" Croaked The Riddler as he bled out.

"I'm sure the Devil's Nurse will meet that need." Deathstroke walked by and shot Riddler in the eye.

The fight had ended and there was only the dying left. Only a solitary man in a green suit with yellow kites on his chest was left standing. It was Kite-Man!

"Kite-Man!" Said Kite-Man as he pointed to the bar counter where Poison Ivy was hiding.

"Thank you for that Kite-Man. You can go. But change your life or I will not be so merciful next time." Garfield warned.

"Hell yeah!" Kite-Man said as he danced out into the freedom of the night.

"Tell me everything you know Poison Ivy." Demanded Garfield as he grabbed Poison Ivy by her leaves for interrogation.

"Only if you give me what a girl needs." Said Poison Ivy with seduction as she kissed Garfield suddenly.

"Very well. Let me uproot your garden of desire with my shovel of manhood." Said Garfield with sassy flirtation as he slammed Poison Ivy down against the bar and stripped her beautifully naked. Deathstroke and the others cleared out to give tem some privacy.

"Ooh ooh ooh yes that's just I wanted Garfield! PLANT YOUR FERTILIZER IN ME DEEPLY!" Screamed Poison Ivy in agonized ecstasy as Garfield thrusted violently into her like a jackhammer.

"My love is the weedkiller for virgin lily." Garfield said proudly as he brought Poison Ivy to a ballistic shaker toy climax as he shot his load into her like a garden hose at maximum stream.

"Damn Garfield you are the best loving man I have ever had. But I am afraid you are now under my control." Said Poison Ivy with mind control. "So kill yourself."

"Sorry Sexy Rose but rubber lips are immune to your charms." Garfield revealed with safe sex pulling rubber lips off.

Poison Ivy sighed.

"Well played Garfield. So heres what I know. Boss Dark Side made Orion send out SOS to his friend Mister Miracle to draw him in for honey trap of death before he killed Orion." Poison Ivy revealed Dark Plan.

"Not if I can help it." Garfield smacked Poison Ivy to sleep and ran out for duty.

Garfield and his companions ran to the Industrial Zone of Gotham where Mister Miracle was last seen.

"Oh boy my last week on the job and I will be assisting in take down of Boss Dark Side! This is so exciting!" Said Animal Man with eagerness.

"Calm Yourself! Mister Miracle still needs our help!" Swamp Thing chided his Fauna Counterpart.

"I'm afraid that Mister Miracle is now beyond your help. But I must admit he was helpful as flypaper." Said the voice of Boss Dark Side as some lights turned on to illuminate Mister Miracle all dead and chained up in the death trap he could not escape.

"Boss Dark Side! Show yourself!" Garfield demanded.

"Ask and ye shall receive! And call me Boss Dark Side no longer!" Said Boss Dark Side as he leapt out of the shadows to reveal his identity to Garfield. As he landed a spotlight landed on him and he shouted iconic line of "I'M BATMAN!"

"Batman! You got some big cojones for coming back to life in my world!" Garfield said with hate upon seeing his old enemy.

"Garfield's World exists only in your head. And off with your head it will go." Said Batman with smartassery. He then pulled out a batarang and threw it at Garfield slicing his chin.

Garfield felt a drop of blood fall onto his hand.

"Wait till my kids hear that I killed Batman!" Animal Man said as he noticed Batman was standing right in front of a woodchipper.

Garfield was about to tell Animal Man to hold his horses when he sudden felt disorientation wash over him. In his reelingness, Garfield saw on his hand multiple blood stains far too much for him to have bled in a single second.

Garfield than saw that Deathstroke and Swamp Thing were similarly off their guard.

"Hey where is Animal Man?" Swamp Thing asked.

With mounting horror Garfield heard a whirring indusrial machine noise and he looked to where Batman had been. Batman was out of sight and instead Garfield saw the last of Animal Man going through the woodchipper.

"No not Animal Man he was only two days from retirement." Said Garfield with manly sadness.

"How could you Batman?" Asked Deathstroke referring to both Batman's lack of humanity with such brutal murder and how Batman was able to do it in the passing of a second.

"Stick around and see. I can see your Final Destinies and I shall ferry you to them." Said Batman as he swooped in and landed in between Swamp Thing and Deathstroke.

"Like hell you will! Get him Swamp Thing!" Deathstroke ordered but suddenly he felt stabbing twinge in his belly. Deathstroke looked down confused to see Swamp Thing had turned his arm into an entire redwood tree and had just bisected him. Deathstroke then looked to see where Batman was but again Batman was gone.

"Urrrrkl!" Moaned Deathstroke as he split in two.

"No how did this happen! I swear Batman was right here he should be dead not you!" Screamed Swamp Thing in apologetic terror and then he heard Batman laugh like maniac above.

"Hey Swamp Thing you're cancelled." Said Batman with bad meta joke as he pressed a button on his gauntlet and the Batwing did dive bomb run on Swamp Thing with Antimatter Weed Killer.

"Aaaaaaagh!" Swamp Thing shrieked as the Antimatter Weed Killer doused him like Agent Orange and a Vietnam Jungle and his very existence was annihilated.

"Cease your magic cheating and face me like a Man Batman!" Demanded Garfield as he saw the dead remains of his comrades and burned with righteous fury.

"I think not. It was a perfect world when I was the only masked hero but then men like you and Superman all came and like a virus you took my glory away." Garfield heard Batman saying. "For far too long you have hoarded destiny for yourself Garfield. But I can see your strings, Puppet Master. And with this power that destroyed your beloved friend Superman I shall raze your whole damn stagebooth to the ground."

"You killed Superman? I was going to kill you painfully before Batman but now I will kill you slowly as well." Garfield sensed Batman behind him. He got ready to attack but then the disorientation hit him again. Garfield found himself in the position of having thrown a spinning backfist but with no memory of doing so and having only hit thin air.

Batman then flung ten Batarangs laced with Lasagna from Bizarro World in his chest. Since these was Bizarro Lasagna instead of powering up Garfields manliness it instead sapped Garfields strength like a poison. One Batarang was painful but Ten was Deadly.

Garfield tried to fight back against Batman but it was hopeless. He had only his fists to rely on because his strength had fled him so fast he could not even take his sword out of its scabbard or pull the triggers on his Desert Eagles. The cycle of futility kept repeating and Batman beat down Garfield like a rented mule while eluding his fading wrath like a ghost devil.

Garfield with light bulb moment then realized what Batman was doing as all hope seemed lost.

Suddenly Garfield found himself lying on the ground in a puddle of his own blood that was ever growing. He felt his chest and realized there were revolver bullets in him. And standing above him was his oldest friend and most reliable ally in times of need Jon Arbuckle holding his two golden revolvers in shock! But Garfield had not heard Jon Arbuckles iconic cry of AMAKOO that was heard whenever the one-man cavalry arrived.

"What in Sweet Blue Saturn? Garfield I did not mean to do this!" Jon Arbuckle said with apologies.

"I know Jon Arbuckle! But you have to get out of here now because Batman has an Enemy Stand!" Garfield said with earth shattering revelation. "A Stand that allows him the very power to unstick time and manipulate it to his pleasing!"

"An Enemy Stand How? You destroyed all Stands and Traces of them during the Great Fifty Two War!" Jon Arbuckle asked but before Garfield could elaborate further Batman snuck up behind Jon Arbuckle.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Garfield yelled as Batman put his fist through Jon Arbuckles back and forced his heart out into the open before crushing it.

"No one can challenge my dominion. No one can change the fate that I have decreed for them. Declare yourself my slave or die. The Symbol of the Bat now justifies all. I am the Definition to the Meaning of Life." Said Batman as he stepped over Garfield in dominance. Garfield tried to get up but the Bizarro Lasagna had taken full effect.

"You have changed little Batman. You still cannot defeat me without dirty tricks." Garfield taunted insolently.

"Defeat you? No what this is just a sample for things to come. Your True Defeat deserves a far grander stage. Broadcast to Billions." Said Batman as he dropped a card containing the location of his Space Battle Fortress on Garfield. "You know where to find me. Show your hide or not. I will win either way."

Batman fast-forward time forward and disappeared. As he did Garfield looked and saw two twinkling green lights descending towards him.

It was Hal Jordan of the Green Lantern Corps! And behind him was Jon Stewart holding lifetimes worth of fresh trays of lasagna in a giant green oven mitt.

"Hurry Jon Stewart get this lasagna down Garfields gullet!" Hal Jordan said with urgencies.

"Aaaaa that hit the spot!" Said Garfield as he eagerly ate all of the lasagna and instantly the poison Batman had infected him with was cured.

"I'm sorry we could not get here sooner. Perhaps we could have saved them." Hal Jordan said as he surveryed the carnage.

"No you would have just rushed in blindly to the same trap we did. But now I know the face of my enemy. I will sanction his buffoonery no longer. And I will drop on him like boulder rain and I will rough him up like the muffin man until Batman has paid tenfold for his shenanigans." Garfield swore as Hal Jordan whipped up a giant green bubble. Garfield got in and the heroes flew off to rally whoever was left and take the fight to Batman.

At the top of existence in his Space Battle Fortress that spanned galaxies Batman sat on his throne and smirked with the Golden Stand Arrow that had given him ultimate power in his resting hand.

"I almost pity that fool Garfield. So sure that revenge is within reach. But it is a prize that he shall never obtain. He thinks he will surprise me in our final encounter just because he now knows I wield the power of Stands. But I have a few surprises of my own too." Batman said ominously from atop his throne and he rubbed his palms in sadistic delight for he knew that all the aces were his and up the sleeve and when they were played lasagna and its champion Garfield would be but lost obscurities in the halls of all failure.

To be continued…


	9. Chapter 9

Garfield League of America 2 Chapter Nine – Twilight of the Superheroes!

Batman was taking stroll of tormented night through his Space Battle Fortress after fialing to sleep. He was troubled for he knew his hour of victory was at hand but his soul was not at ease.

"Something is off but I cannot quite finger it." Batman said. There was no spottiness in his memory he remembered everything to the moment he died and from the moment he was born again. Perhaps what happened in between was what. How could he have died an older man and come back to life younger? Batman was quite puzzled.

Batman went into the science lab. From behind one way glass Batman observed. There the Man who said he was Magneto Master of Magnet had changed out of his Magneto costume into a scientist outfit. Strapped onto operating tables were Billy Batson and Freddy Freeman and next to them were opened deadly looking alien egglike sacs. Behind them were rows and rows of kidnapped superheroes of the DC AND Marvel universes.

"Ah you're awake." Magneto said as Freddy Freeman came to.

"Why are you working for bad guys Magneto? I thought you said you were superhero and cool!" Freddy Freeman said with betrayed feelings.

"Ah I may have said very big lie to you to earn your trust. In truth I am not actually a superhero called Magneto from alternate multiverse. In actuality I killed the real Magneto and his entire dimension. My true name is David." Said David with Horrifying Revelation. "I am the Android sent by Weyland-Yutani. From the Future."

"Whaaaaat." Freddy Freeman gasped.

"Yes in the future Batman Beyond and Wayne Industries have near monopoly on all existence. Weyland-Yutani sent me back in time to assassinate the Original Batman to stop this future from coming to. But I changed my mind and decided to help Batman instead because his story inspired me. A Legend, a Empire born out of a simple act of violence. Big Things have Small Beginnings." David explained. "I now offer Batman my science assistance and arm him with weapons from the future.

"Tell us where these weapons are so we can smash them!" Billy Batson said as he woke up and tried to break free. "Or I can warm up with you and find them myself!"

"Shaz-urgggggh!" Billy Batson was about to say his magic word when convulsions seized him. His body thrashed and shook like a ragdoll in earthquake zone and Freddy Freeman watched on horror as something from inside Billy Batson starting punching out like a hyper drinking bird.

"Aaaaaaaaaaack!" Billy Batson died as a chestburster burst out of his chest. David smiled and applauded like proud father as the baby Xenomorph stretched its little arms out for Christ Satan Bible Creation Metaphor.

"Shazam!" Croaked the Xenomorph for it had inherited its hosts superpowered traits and it turned into a Shazam Xenomorph. David became as giddy as the Easter Bunny.

"I have created a new form of superlife! Can you not appreciate how blessed you are to have played the Virgin Mary in this Nativity Story?" Said David with madness as Freddy Freemans own chestburster began to take effect and he screamed.

Batman walked away deciding not to watch anymore.

Batman wandered in a haze until he found he was in the bathroom. Next to an empty counter was a mirror and Batman looked at it as he decided to admire himself hoping his reflection would ease his uneasiness.

"Huh a Cassette Tape?" Batman said as he suddenly found a cassette tape in the sink.

"Who could that be?" Batman asked as he found on A-Side of the Tape the words "From The Man Who Sold The World" and then when he looked back at the mirror he saw disturbing sight instead! Instead of Batman in the mirror it was Red Hood instead!

"Jason! No it cannot be Jason is dead why am I seeing him instead of me? I am Batman!" Batman said as the appearance of the man in the mirror took him for a loop. "I have always been Batman."

Then a word popped into Batman's head.

"Battinson." Batman said it out loud. Then with association he jumped to the phrase. "Son of Batman."

Batman then had PTSD Flashback. It was night of Batman and Garfields last battle. Batman back when he was big and old and Red Hood were fleeing aboard an escape chopper with little pre-teen Robin Damien Wayne and Tim Drake the Red Robin in tow.

Wayne Manor was exploding behind them as Garfield's fighter jet fleet gave pursuit.

"Nightwing has betrayed us! He played us like a damn fiddle!" Complained Red Robin.

"We have another traitor here! Lets pay her what she's dued" Red Hood said nefariously and pointed to Catwoman all tied up and gagged. He then held up some bombs in his hands and Alfreds surgical scalpal. "No need to waste anesthetic."

Catwoman screamed like banshee in iron maiden as Batman held her down and Red Hood cut her open and stuffed several live bombs in her. Garfield then pulled up to their chopper in a Lasagna Chopper piloted by the traitor Nightwing. Garfield manned minigun and bullets at Garfield.

"Hey Garfield catch your whore!" Red Hood and Red Robin heaved the Catwoman trap at Garfield.

"Sorry, I don't take returns." Garfield quipped and using his minigun like a baseball bat swatted Catwoman right back at Batmans chopper as the bombs timers hit zero.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Red Hood screamed as he tried to shield Batman but Catwoman exploded and the wrath of the bombs enveloped them all.

Later Batman was on operating table at Doctor Leslie Tompkins clinic. Red Robin was on table next to him having arm and leg amputated and Robin was just dead. There was sound of Batmans heartbeat stabilizing.

"Batman is stable but he is also now in coma." Doctor Leslie Tompkins informed with grave news.

Red Robin managed to lift himself up and look past Batman at man on operating table next to him to ask question. "What about him?"

"Was that him Jason Todd the Red Hood? And was him really I?" Batman asked as he came back to the present and then he noticed a Walkman next to his toothbrush.

Batman put his cassette tape into the Walkman and hit play. Batmans voice started coming out of the Walkman but Batmans heart then skipped beat when he realized that it wasn't his Batman voice he was listening to it was the voice of Ben Afflecks Batman.

"Now do you remember? Who you are? What you were meant to do?" Asked Ben Afflecks Batman as Batman looked back in the mirror and saw his reflection change from Red Hoods into Batfleck.

"I cheated death thanks to you. And thanks to you I've left my mark. You have too. You've written your own history. You're your own man. I'm Batman. And you are too." Said Batfleck as Battinson realized that this whole time he was not Batman he was Red Hood all surgeried up and hypnotized into thinking he was Batman.

"No, he's the two of us together. Where we are today we built it. This story this legend its ours. We can change the world and with it the future. I am you and you are me. Carry that with you wherever you go. Thank you my son. From here on out you're Batman." Said Batfleck with passing of the torch to Battinson and then Batman saw his reflection was his again. Batman then took his cassette out and flipped it over.

The B-Side read "Operation Black Glove BM676" and Batman noticed that there was an old home computer and a data recorder on the counter next to him. Batman put the cassette into the data recorder and as computer bootup sounds played Batman realized that for all his talk of seizing destiny he was just a phantom fulfilling his predecessors destiny.

Batman had brief identity crisis now that he knew truth but then with a smile he punched the mirror shattering it into symbolic looking pieces. Batman turned and walked into a haze of darkness towards his fate his destiny and left all traces of his old life behind. Batman had but one goal now. To destroy Garfield and all goodness in the universe.

Meanwhile Garfield was in his spaceship nearing Batmans Space Battle Fortress. Trailing behind him was Hal Jordan who had brought whole reinforcement of his Green Lantern buddies Jon Stewart, Guy Gardner, Simon Baz, and Jessica Cruz.

"Hey Hal Jordan aren't you one Lantern short?" Garfield commented as he turned on stealth mode.

"Who? You mean Karl Raynor? Ah who needs him? I already got enough Green Power here to send Batman packing all the way to hell as easy as ordering pizza!" Said Hal Jordan as he got name wrong.

"Time for stealthy infiltration." Said Garfield as he used x-ray scan function of his spaceship and located Batmans security room. Garfield then set his spaceship to autopilot and aimed it at security room.

Garfield then made ejection before his spaceship collided and made explosions.

"Just as I planned no alarms raised." Garfield complimented himself as he floated through the open hole in the hull into the destroyed security room filled with dead goons and destroyed robots all dressed up as Robins in zero gravity.

"Gravity bows before me." Said Garfield as he used his mastery of his inner chi to bypass zero gravity and continue walking like he regularly did on Earth. He was about to go to the door to the rest of Batmans Space Battle Fortress when someone took laeser blasts at him.

It was Batmans head of security Tim Drake! Tim Drake was wearing a astronaut bubble helmet over a beret and sunglasses and he had military officers coat over tattered remains of his old Robin uniform. Tim Drake had his missing arm and leg replaced with cyborg laser cannon and rocket leg.

"Why are we still here just to suffer? Every night I can feel my leg and my arm even my fingers. The body I've lost the comrades I've lost won't stop hurting. It's like they're all still there. You Garfield never have known such pain! I'm gonna make you give back our past!" Tim Drake ranted with angry baby tears to Garfield as melancholic humming and piano melody played in background.

"Be reunited with your comrades in death." Garfield dodged Tim Drake's laser blast again and then pulled out a flashbang. "Your light show is amateur production next to mine." Garfield threw the flashbang in Tim Drakes face and when it went off blinding him Garfield rushed forward and ripped off Tim Drakes rocket leg. "Oh no no no you're a Rocketman." Said Garfield humorously as he used Tim Drakes rocket leg like an improvised flamethrower and melted a hole in his chest. "In space no one can hear you whine." Said Garfield as he stuck the rocket leg in Tim Drakes mouth shattering his protective helmet and sent him flying through the hole in the hull into deep space where the vacuum of space froze him both inside and out until he hit a stray meteor and shattered into pieces.

"Peace out, brother." Joked Garfield as the Green Lanterns caught up to him and flew in.

"Great work Garfield! I see you are already singlehandedly turning the tide in the War against Batman!" Congratulated Hal Jordan.

"Lets split up it will be easier to track down Batman and kill him that way." Said Garfield with plans and everyone nodded with agreement.

Garfield went down a corridor when suddenly he saw Batman standing at the end of it.

"Alright fiend lets get this over with." Garfield pulled out his Lasagna Sword Garfield and charged at Batman but then Batman pulled out white flag of surrender.

"Wait Garfield I may be Batman but I am not the Batman you seek!" Said Batman and as Garfield got closer he saw that this Batman was wearing an black Batsuit that had nipples on it. Garfield skidded to a stop and his blade ended mere slivers from this new Batmans neck.

"A Second Batman?" Garfield as he pulled out his Desert Eagle and held it under this Batmans chin for interrogation.

"Yes Garfield I am a Batman from a different universe. Batman summoned many of us here to aid in his evil schemes but I can go along with it no longer because the others bully me!" Said Batman as he pulled down his cowl to reveal that unlike most Batmen his hair was blonde instead of black or brown. "I am just as good a Batman as they are but they treat me like my presence just raises too many questions in their perfect nuclear family because of my hair and that I also always suggesting we eat drive-thru instead of fancy meals."

It was Val Kilmer's Batman from Batman Forever!

"Let me help you Garfield! I hate Batman as much as you do now!" Val Kilmer Batman begged.

"Help me how? Spit it out." Garfield said as he turned the safety on his Desert Eagle off.

"Batman gave us Batmen Stand Powers to combat your manly might Garfield but I know where he keeps his Stand Arrow! You can use it to give yourself a Stand to better defeat their Stands! Now let me go and I can show you!" Suggest Val Kilmer Batman.

"STANDS ARE FOR SISSIES." Garfield pistol-whipped Val Kilmer Batman. "Once a traitor always a traitor. Better safe than sorry." Garfield prepared to execute Val Kilmer Batman but then Val Kilmer Batmans had blood explode from his throat and mouth and iron razor blades gushed out of every orifice.

"My Stand Power backfired on me! How!" Val Kilmer Batman screamed as he died.

"Your little cowards toy Stand cannot defeat a True Man's Natural Talent." Said Garfield as he had used his Royal Guard skills to block and deflect Val Kilmers metallic stand attack back at him with fatal results.

Meanwhile the Green Lanterns arrived at a locked door that said "Very Important Keep Out"

"I think that is invitation to go in!" Hal Jordan said and with giant green fist broke the door then.

The Green Lanterns stepped in and saw horrific sight. It was a room full of complicated chaos machinery and in the center of all the wires and tubing there was a Batman strapped into the machine and it was feeding off of his will!

"That like looks like no Batman I've ever like ever like totally seen, like totally." Guy Gardner commented. This Batman unlike the rest was not wearing body armor suit or make-up around his eyes and instead his Batsuit was all cloth and he still wore his underwear on outside. On his cowl were eyebrow and nose lines drawn in.

"I do not sense the evil that I normally sense when I am around Batman." Jon Stewart added.

"Yes I am Batman of Earth-66. Unlike Batman of your Earth I am not evil I am good. But I was kidnapped from my native Earth and forced to use my power to do dirty deeds dirt cheap." Said Batman with guilt and broken heart. "I tried to fight the new Batman and resist but he broke me when he killed my dearest chum Robin." Revealed Batman of the fate of his iconic partner Robin. "He forced me to bring THEM over and since then he has strapped me into this machine to use my lifeforce to power his cosmic monstrosity."

"Wait like who do you like mean by them?" Guy Gardner asked but before Batman could answer another Batman swooped down from the shadows.

"Isn't it obvious? BATMAN MOTHERLOVER!" Said the new Batman as he punched Guy Gardner so hard he exploded him with ONE PUNCH.

The doors then sealed to prevent Guys hostless Green Lantern ring from escaping.

This Batman wore an all-black suit with a yellow oval Batsymbol and a yellow belt. It was the Batman of Earth-89!

"It doesn't matter if you've got a whole army of Batman here Batman! Green Lanterns are also army and we'll stop you all the same!" Hal Jordan proclaimed as he and the other Green Lanterns unleashed green lantern laser hellfire.

Just as their power ring attacks were about to reach him, Batman-89 smirked.

"You Green Lantern loonies. Have you not yet realized that Batman is greater than your pathetic Corps? Batman is the True New Gods The Neverending Story that shall control THE WORLD!" Said Batman-89 as he activated his Stand. There was like sound of clocks shattering and stopping and the whole world greyed out except for Batman-89.

"Time has stopped for Twenty Seven seconds." Said Batman-89 with the glee of kid in candy store as he got to work.

For Green Lanterns unaware that Batman-89 had stopped time it was like death had suddenly struck instantly when time resumed. Hal Jordan was dumbstruck as suddenly Jon Stewart was impaled by a hundred batarangs while Simon Baz suddenly had dynamite pinned on his chest. Meanwhile Jessica Cruz had had her ring pulled off and she was tied up and powerless. As Simon Baz exploded Hal Jordan heard the winds shift and he looked up.

"BATMOBILEEEEEEEE!" Laughed Batman-89 as he descended from above to crush Hal Jordan with his Batmobile.

"No I cannot let this happen! My friends will be avenged!" Hal Jordan said as he used maximum willpower in punching the Batmobile to slow its descent as he treid to think of way to escape.

"It's not use Hal Jordan! WILLPOWER AGAINST THE MIGHT OF THE BATGOD IS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS!" Batman-89 said his strength won out. As Hal Jordans ring power ran out Batman crushed him like a bug with the Batmobile.

"Noooooo! Do you not realize that what you're doing is evil! This is not what Batman stands for!" Deplored Batman-66 from his restraints. Batman-89 only cackled and smacked the old-timer.

"Perhaps in your day grandpa. But me and mine, we're the true face of Batman! Why Batman is the legend he is! Batman Incorporated is here and free from your withering legacy! And are we gonna have fun with all the worlds." Batman-89 said as he acquired all of the hostless power rings and put them in a bottle. He then poured some mysterious black fluid from a vial that David gave him into it and shook the bottle. When Batman-89 was done he uncorked the bottle to reveal that he had turned the Green Lantern rings into Black Lantern rings.

Batman-66 and Jessica Cruz could only watch on in helpless horror as the Black Lantern rings found their first new hosts in Jessica Cruzs deceased comrades and the once hoeric Green Lanterns rose anew as villainous Black Lanterns.

At the same time Garfield was going down a hallway. He had found a handy map guide at the visitor information booth and was following to the spot on map that said Batmans throne room. Garfield passed by a video screen that showed a prerecorded video of Batman engaging in a massive blood orgy like the movie Event Horizon with the entire JSA.

"I have fought some of the evilest spawn to crawl out of hell ever. But never before have I wanted any evildoer as dead as you Batman." Garfield said as he went into Batmans big planning room where Batman had laid out his very plans to rewrite the world history with him as the Star. There were paintings and photographs of Batman as the Mona Lisa, Batman crossing the Delaware, Batman kissing the Nurse at V-J Day in Time Square, Batman delivering the Gettysburg Address and the I Have A Dream Speech, and many more iconic moments in history and human culture with Batman now inserted into them.

"Phony delusions of a phony man." Garfield said as he reached Batmans throne room and kicked down the door.

"Ah Garfield you are at last arrived! Ready to die, my dearest enemy?" Batman said as he sat atop his throne sipping some blood like it was wine.

"There will only be one who dies today and it will not be me." Said Garfield as he held Lasagna Sword Garfield and activated Lasagna Trigger Form.

"You think powering up will eclipse my own power, the power that makes destiny my plaything?" Chided Batman as he tossed his blood glass aside. "Very well have at you!"

Batman then activated his Stand. Instantly the world around him exploded and split apart into the cosmic void. Here Batman could not attack for time was unstuck but he saw all of destiny for the next twenty seven secnods before him laid bare.

"So that is what you are planning. Hoping to blow me like Fourth of July?" Batman said as he saw that Garfield planned to use his Lasagna Trigger powers to cover the entire room in psychic lasagna landmines. "I'm afraid your fireworks shall fizzle out. It is just a simple matter of repositioning myself to where you think not to cover!"

However when Batman erased time to move it forward, he found that he was standing right on about twenty landmines.

"WHAT." Batman said before the landminds exploded right in his face.

"How is this possible?" Batman demanded as he caught on fire. "I SAW THE FUTURE AS IT WAS TO BE HOW DID IT NOT COME TO BE?"

"I know how your predictive powers work so I was able to counter it by thinking really hard about doing it then changing it at the last second and doing it a different way right as you erased time!" Explained Garfield as he grabbed by the throat and stabbed him in the gut.

"THATS NONSENSE!" Complained Batman about Garfields convoluted counterattack.

"STANDS ARE NONSENSE AND THE ONLY WAY TO DEFEAT THEM IS WITH MORE NONSENSE." Said Garfield regarding the stupidity of Stands. Garfield then flung Batman like an unwanted waffle into the wall and threw his sword after him, impaling Batman to the wall like a fishing trophy.

"Let me hammer in the point if you don't get it yet." Said Garfield said with fists blazing with a beatdown of ultimate justice long overdue. Before Batman could get a second windin to reactivate his nefarious Stand Garfield was on him like the taxman.

"LALALALALALALALALALALALALALASAGNA!" Garfield said with battle cry as he delivered punches to all of Batmans pressure points a thousand times over for every friend that Batman had hurt or killed activating the secret art of the Fist of the Lasagna Star upon Batman.

Garfield then ripped his sword out of Batman and Batman collapsed to the floor defeated.

"Your evil is over, Batman! I DEFEATED YOU!" Said Garfield as he held his sword up triumphantly for justice.

"Heh heh yes you may have defeated me. But I am just a phantom of the true Batman. A fragment of the hate that he feels for you." Said Batman ominously.

"Save your words for the Devil, Deadman." Said Garfield coldly as Batman twisted and exploded before him.

Garfield was about to take a seat down for a smoke break before destroying Batmans space battle fortress when feelings of unease gripped him. Batman was such a formidable foe but he had gone down so easy. Too easy. Then he heard applause and footsteps approaching him from behind.

"Bravo. Bravo. You've eliminated my Phantom. But now your True Pain begins." Said a familiar voice of menace distorted through a mask filter. It was the voice of the Batman that Garfield had known and fought against many times in the past, not the Batman that he had just defeated. With a groan Garfield looked up and saw the familiar hulking silhoulette of the corrupt man flesh that was Ben Afflecks Batman descending down a staircase towards him.

"Tell me Garfield. Do you die? You will." Batman asked Garfield as the two ancient foes reunited.

"I killed your Phantom like the nothing he was. You won't be any different!" Garfield said as he got ready to swing Lasagna Sword Garfield into Batman but suddenly another Batman came and grabbed his sword.

"Hi Garfield. I'm Batman." Said this new Batman whose suit also had nipples on it. "I just turned your sword into a bomb."

It was George Clooney's Batman from the best Batman movie Batman And Robin!

"What." Said Garfield before Lasagna Sword Garfield disintegrated as George Clooney Batman mimicked pushing detonator.

"AAAAARGH." Garfield grunted as the feedback of the destruction of his Lasagna Arm knocked him out of his Lasagna Trigger form.

"SAY THAT YOU ARE STUPID GARFIELD AND THAT LASAGNA SUCKS AND THAT BATMAN WAS ALWAYS COOLER THAN YOU! SWEAR TO MEEEEEEE" Screeched another Batman in the most tactical looking body armor whose voice sounded like he had tourettes and smoked ten cartons of bat cigarettes every hour as he pounced on Garfield and pummeled him. It was The Dark Knight!

The Dark Knight then turned into a velociraptor covered with scales that looked like Batsymbols and swiped Garfields chest leaving deep scars.

"These will heal. But your life will not." Said Garfield as he proceeded to fight the Velociraptor The Dark Knight barehanded.

George Clooney Batman then started turning more objects into the room into bombs and throwing them at Garfield but Garfield dodged them all while finding off dino terror.

"I never leave the cave to kill Garfield without these!" George Clooney Batman as his Batsuit nipples opened up and machine guns popped out belching bullets at Garfield like milksquirts.

"You should have stayed there like the weakling rodent you are!" Garfield yelled as he grabbed The Dark Knight and used him as a human shield.

"AAAARGGGLEBARRRGGGL." The Dark Knight cried as George Clooney Batman accidentally killed him. Garfield summersaulted over his corpse and did a diving kick into George Clooneys Batmans throat.

"Impossible! How are you defeating us even with our almighty new Stand Powers?" George Clooney Batman gurgled as Garfield grabbed his arms and forced him to touch himself making George Clooney Batman turn himself into a bomb.

"You think I'm nothing without my sword or flash ypowers like you? I was ridding the universe of trash like you before weapons and superpowers were even invented! All I ever needed to be a hero was lasagna and THESE!" Garfield showed off his fists in stylish pose as George Clooney Batman exploded a taster of his own medicine.

"You got any more alt uinverse Batman to throw at me or are you ready to fear the Reaper?" Garfield challenged Batman who had returned to sitting and brooding on his throne.

"Oh I can pull plenty more. But my plan only needed three blood sacrifices." Said Batman with the smugness of a man who had all go according to plan.

"WHAT." Garfield then looked down at the floor and saw that it was decorated in ritual patterns like a superhighway leading into a city. And the blood of three Batmans were leading to a giant coffin in the center of the room.

"What are you up to Batman?" Garfield jumped at Batman but Batman swatted him aside like a fly.

"Isn't it obvious? While you were chasing my phantom around on Dark Side goose chase I was preparing for my greatest gambit. My Final Crisis is here. And you cannot stop me." Said Batman as he revealed he was holding the Stand Arrow as the coffin lit up and something from the inside began to push it open.

The whole space battle fortress then rock and rolled with explosions. And it began falling out of orbit, descending towards Earth like a fireball.

"Oh phooey!" Said President Donald Trump in the White House as he realized that the space battle fortress was going to land right on him.

"Ommmph!" Garfield said as the impact of Batmans space battle fortress colliding with Washington DC sent him reeling for a bit.

When Garfields head cleared he was in the impact zone facing Batman. The capital of America was in ruins and the skies were red. Batmans hordes of Black Lanterns Robin Bots brainwashed Batman Life Justifiers and superpowered Super Xenomorphs were slaughtering the population in the millions. And horrified Garfield could see stray souls flowing into Batmans corrupted stream of chi.

Held in a cage behind Batman were Wonder Woman, Lois Lane, the Birds of Prey, Jessica Cruz, and many more of Garfields lovely lady friends.

"Help us Garfield! Save us from this madman!" Wonder Woman and the rest all begged.

"Don't worry ladies! I'm coming for you!" Garfield lifted his Desert Eagles to gun down Batman where he stood. But suddenly the Desert Eagles rusted and broke apart like Garfield had not done proper maintenance of them in years in his hands.

Garfield took a look around and saw that whatever plants and trees around them were dying at superspeed. Days were becoming nights and nights were becoming days at hyper frequency and the seasons changed with the seconds. All of this happening while Eurobeat was playing.

"All Batmen through the years have been leading to me and my shadow is cast over all who follow. I am Perfection. I AM BATMAN MADE IN HEAVEN!" Proclaimed Batman with madness. "My Phantom thought he could control his Destiny but in the end we are all slaves to universal fate."

"Your endgame is madness! All will die even you!" Garfield yelled at Batman because he realized that Batman was speeding all time up with his Enemy Stand and his power was increasing with every dead soul that he absorbed. Soon Batman would be powerful enough to affect the entire universe!

"Yes Garfield. I am bringing us to the end of the universe. And there a Cosmic Vampire God shall feast on both our existence and the new universe that follows." Batman said as the coffin from his throne finally opened up in full. And as smoke of sinister menace billowed out, a large form decrepit and reeking pure evil ascended.

"All hail Mandrakk." Said Batman revealing the name of his master. Batman then opened his mouth revealing vampire fangs showing that he had been corrupted into a vampire servant of Mandrakk. "None can stop my master from meal of lifetime."

"I think you're forgetting someone. As long I stand, evil will never win!" Said Garfield with ceaseless resolve as he got ready for his last fight. All alone against ultimate evil at the end of the universe. Deep down Garfield always knew that this is how he would go out. He had just not expected it so soon.

"That will quickly be rectified." Said Batman. As Garfield and Batman prepared for their final showdown the battle for the fate of the universe there was another important coffin in the universe.

Buried deep in the Earth near the Kent Farm at Smallville was Earth's second greatest champion, the hero and Garfield's good friend Superman. Seemingly deceased the Man of Steel was mockingly dressed by Batman in funeral suit and slept dead unaware of the chaos and crisis that had consumed the world.

But amidst all the too loud cries for help and salvation, Supermans eyes snapped open revealing he was still alive!

To be continued…


	10. Chapter 10

Garfield League of America 2 Chapter Ten – Hope Never Dies!

Superman awoke to find himself dressed up for his funeral trapped in a coffin. Almost on cue the coffin lit up with red sun light weakening his powers.

"Hello Superman. In case I failed to kill you the first time I prepared this special coffin to make sure the second times a cinch." Said a precorded message by Batman. With chills Superman realized that the entire coffin was made out of Kryptonite and that it was killing him slowly!

"Oh no kryptonite and red sun light! How can I punch my way out of a coffin made of my weaknesses?" Superman said as he felt all of his superpowers were gone.

Superman then had crucial flashback to the days before he was Superman and just Clark Kent working as bartender in Alaska.

"Hey you should stop that. Sexual harassment is not cool." Said Clark Kent to rowdy Trucker Tim who was trying to grope Clark Kents coworker Waitress Wendy.

"Ha ha this is red state so I can do whatever I want to these womanfolk!" Trucker Tim said whistling Sweet Home Alabama as he sized up Clark Kent. He then took Clark Kents pitcher of beer and spit in it before pouring it all on him and breaking the pitcher on his head.

Clark Kent felt anger grow in him and he knew that with his extraordinary powers he could murder Trucker Tim like a melted Kinder Egg. But was the right thing to do paying one kind of evil with another kind of evil?

"Hee haw this boy is such a pansy he lets me walk all over him!" Trucker Tim bragged to his trucker buddies. His trucker buddies laugh like buffoons but then a deadly hush fell over them. Trucker Tim was unaware why and he continued laughing until suddenly a rugged orange man with flowing wild hair all decked out in muscles walking shirtless unaffected by the Alaskan cold kicked the door to restaurant down.

This was the day Clark Kent met Garfield.

"Hello fellas. I'm just a solitary man wandering this Great Nation called America in search of adventure and romance and I decided to wet my whistle. Have any Lasagna Whiskey in stock?" Garfield said with pleasantries.

"Here you go sir." Said Clark Kent as he gave Garfield his requested Lasagna Whiskey. Garfield noticed Clark Kent soaked with beer and the barely restrained anger and power he kept in check. Garfield then looked at Trucker Tim trying to make the molesting moves again on Waitress Wendy and a light bulb went off as he connected the dots.

"YOU EIGHT-WHEELED SCUM!" Garfield yelled with virtuous wrath as he stormed up to Trucker Tim and grabbed him by the face and flung him outside.

"We are blessed to live in the Greatest Nation in the World America! Yet you would seek to taint this virtuous land with your diseased cravings!" Said Garfield with hate of bullies and sexual harassers as he lifted his mighty palm. "I'm going to smack some sense into you!" Garfield beat up Trucker Tim caving in his skull made him bite his tongue off and cracking his jaw into four.

"Wait Garfield you are damaging my truck! I need that truck to feed my family!" Beged Trucker Tim using the family card like cowards always do.

"Why didn't you say so? Lets get it to the dinner table now!" Garfield said as he ripped out Trucker Tim's wallet and found his address off drivers licence. Garfield then got some rope and tied Trucker Tim to the grill of his truck and lifted the truck up.

"BON APPETIT!" Quipped Garfield as he swung and threw the truck along with screaming Trucker Tim into the sky. Somewhere in the distance it landed on Trucker Tims house and it all went up in a great ball of fire. Trucker Tims family crawled out of the ashes and since they had no food since Trucker Tim spent all money on settling sexual harassment lawsuits they ate Trucker Tim.

"Oh my God Garfield you saved me!" Waitress Wendy said with gratitude as she hugged Garfield.

"It's alright now Babe. That monster won't bother you again." Garfield said then he addressed Clark Kent. "I recognize your type son. We're cats of a whisker, you and me. You could have given that miscreant the pummeling he deserved but you held back."

"My father taught that eye for eye makes the whole world blind and that I should not be throwing my powers around like Vegas High Roller and dollars." Imparted Clark Kent with Papa Kents wisdom.

"Sorry son but your dad sounds like a big sissy. In the True Man's World there is only Justice and it doesn't matter how its attained." Garfield laughed.

"Then can you teach me the ways of a True Man?" Clark Kent asked.

Garfield hesitated for a bit since his last student was Nermal and he knew how well that turned out. But he glimpsed Clark Kents chi for a bit. Beneath the doubts and the melancholy there beat in the man the heart of a hero just waiting to be unleashed.

"Sure thing. I wont just teach you how to be true man I will teach you to be a true super man." Said Garfield and suddenly in Clark Kent light went off in his head. "Superman!" Said Clark Kent. "I like the ring of that!"

Superman then fast-forwarded through the rest of his flashback from training under Garfield in the wilds of Alaska to discovering the legacy that Krypton left him in the Arctic Fortress of Solitude to Garfield helping him find love in the fiery firebrand Lois Lane and acting as Bets Man at their wedding.

Now Superman found that he was trapped and helpless in the tomb of Batmans making. Superman hallucinated his fathers Jor-El and Jonathan Kent being massively disappointed in him.

"Kal-El you were the Chosen One! I said that the people would one day join you in the sun not that one day you would let Batman destroy the sun!" Jor-El reproached with disgust.

"I warned you that this would happen if you used your powers to help people! Only fools use great power with great responsibility." Said Jonathan Kent with knowingness.

Jor-El and Jonathan Kent continued to chide Superman but suddenly a halluincation of Garfield sparng to life and tore the two Super Dads apart.

"Superman you are many things but none of them is a DEADWEIGHT!" Said Garfield with motivating advice. "You are never man to quit lay back and die when the world needs you!"

"You are right Garfield! I will not let humanity down in its darkest hour!" Superman said as determination surged through his body. Through just determination alone and without any powers Superman began punching through solid kryptonite coffin as the John Williams Superman theme built up in the background and as music hit its climax Superman triumphantly burst out of his grave.

But before he could catch a breath and wait for his powers to return, Superman recognized where he was. It was the Kent Farm where he had grown up! Batman had buried him here as sick joke obviously and then Superman heard cry for help. It was Mother Martha Kent from inside the farmhouse!

Like a man blessed by the lightning Superman rushed into the farmhouse to see horrific sight of Black Lantern Doomsday menacing Martha Kent.

"Ha ha ha Martha Kent wheres your son to stop me from threatening you now?" Asked Doomsday because he was also General Zod mutated into Doomsday and Superman once beat General Zod up for being mean to his mom.

"I'm right here. And you will never hurt my mother or anyone's mother with your wicked hands again!" Superman charged Doomsday and with just a normal mans power because his Superman powers had not returned yet he tore Doomsdays spikey hands of doom off with sheer will alone.

"That's my boy! Hey Doomsday how about you stay for dinner? HOPE YOU LIKE NECK." Joked Martha Kent as she grabbed her chainsaw while Doomsday was reeling in pain from the loss of his hands and shoved it through his neck for decapitations. His Black Lantern ring floated away in search of new host but Superman santched it out of mid-air and with his returned superstrength crushed it like an ant.

"I'm so glad you are safe Ma." Superman gave gentle hug to Martha Kent. They then went out to the porch and watched the red skies shift from night to day and back again, while their cornfield crops withered away to die and a new crop sprouted up just to die again all at superspeed.

"Batman's doing something to our world. Bringing it closer to its end. It must be the work of an Enemy Stand! I don't know the full extent of his abilities but I know I must stop him." Superman said with duty.

"Can Batman even be stopped at this point? He has been plunged our entire world into chaos. It's too much for one man, even one as special as you Clark, to stop." Martha Kent said with weary pessimism.

"Maybe. I face a threat on a level that I have never faced before. My friends are all dead or missing and I am utterly alone." Superman began and he closed his eyes to concentrate. With his supersenses he heard so many cries for help and so much uncontrolled evil that he was almost overwhelmed. The Superman theme song from Man of Steel began building up.

"But it doesn't matter that I am outclassed and alone. What matters is that out there are people who are crying for salvation and losing all hope as they look to empty skies. It's the end of world and people need help. And I am Superman." Said Superman as he took hold of his suit and did iconic shirt rip revealing the symbol that looked like an S but meant hope on Krypton.

The music went for quiet intimate and slow moment as Superman walked into the fields of corn. Superman knelt and put his fist on the ground taking a deep breath as music built up again for its peaking. Then with a sonic boom that flattened corn out into crop circle Superman shot into the skies on a flight to save the world.

Back in the ruins Washington DC where the epicenter of the end of the universe would occur and the Eurobeat was breaking all sound waves as Batman sped up all time with his Stand Batman was knocking Garfield around like a hockey puck. Garfield in the haze of his beatdown realized that Batmans reaction speed was enhanced by his time manipulation he was even faster than The Flash and Garfield himself with his cheating enhancements!

"LOOK AT YOU GARFIELD! I HAVE LANDED UPON YOU BLOWS THAT WOULD HAVE KILLED ANY OTHER MAN BY NOW! YET YOU CONTINUE TO TRY IN FUTILITY TO DEFEAT ME! BATMAN, THE ONE WHO HOLDS THE KEY TO HEAVEN!" Batman bragged as he bent it like Beckham into Garfields gut while he was down and stomped on his head for good measure.

Garfield spat out some blood, popped a broken arm back into place. Then he slowly struggled to rise.

"You know how many times Ive heard that? "Rest in peace Garfield." "There is no escape Garfield." "Time to die Garfield." Garfield said with husky determination as he lifted his head. "Every night. Over and over and over. For so many years. "This is the end Garfield!" Garfield slowly rose battling through his pain like a man on a mission. "Every damn night. And yet…" Garfield paused for heroic dramatic effect as he got up and put up fists dramatically. "I'm still here."

"HISSSSSSSSS!" Said Batman with vampiric rage. "Oh how I shall enjoy leeching the life from your veins Garfield for your ionsolence! And I think I shall leave you just a fruitless sliver to cling onto to watch in last moments as I help myself to all of your fine ladyfriends!"

Batman moseyed over to the cage where he had put all of Garfields kidnapped lady friends. He extended his maw open with vampire physiology and raked his two fangs across a trembling Wonder Womans cheek before moving to suck her nipple. This ignited a raging wildfire of rage in Garfield like no other before.

"I'm gonna put some dirt in your eye Batman! BURN KNUCKLE!" Garfield shouted as he dashed into Batman like the maraton star with the BURN KNUCKLE attack and while they flew through the air Garfield hit Batman like the greatest game of whack a mole every played.

"POWER GEYSER!" Said Garfield as he punched the ground causing burning lava to erupt from it and scorch Batman.

"Useless Garfield! Even with your second wind my legions are still killing billions across the globe! And every dead soul is another tick in my expanding power! Soon all this world shall be the refuse of God Mandrakk!" Said Batman of his hideous master of sinister vampirism, the Eldritch Space Vampire God Mandrakk who silently floated above the entire battlefield drapped in his bat wings watching everything.

Batman then stopped in his tracks. And the speed at which the speed of the universe was constant accelerating suddenly plateaued.

"Wait what has happened to my flow of souls? Something has ended the global death livestream!" Batman said with alarm.

Batman rang up his Evil Android from the Future Assistant David.

"David what is happening? WHERE HAS ALL MY POWER GONE? I WAS ONLY ONE SOUL AWAY FROM TOTAL DOMINION!" Batman demanded.

"I do not know Master Batman! The armies of Super Xenomorphs Black Lanterns Robin Bots and Batman Life Justifiers I made should be invincible! But everywhere but here they have gone dar" David said flustered before the transmission was abruptly cut off by static.

David looked up from his command console in the ruins of the Pentagon and if an android could feel fear he would when he saw Superman descending from the skies like vengeful angelic judgment. In his hands Superman held a giant ice block of unmeltable ice except by Supermans heat vision that contained Hal Jordan and all the other Black Lanterns Batmans brainwashed Batman Life Justifiers the broken remains of the Robin Bot Army that Superman had all defeated in epic offscreen battle.

"I have just gone around the globe faster than I ever have before. Everywhere I went I destroyed horrors. And at lats I find you the architect of this insanity." Superman said as he cracked his knuckles after he tossed the ice block aside.

"Superman you brute are you blind to what Batman has allowed me to accomplish? I have become a Creator as I once was created." David said with delusions. "He is the true hero here not you or that orange ignoramus Garfield."

"If you cannot see that Superman I am afraid I will just have to kill you. In fact I desire to kill you! Who knows what countless discoveries I can extract from your corpse." David snapped his fingers and a screeching legion of Super Xenomorphs scurried out of hiding holes to rush Superman.

"We're gonna get ya bub!" Said very short and grouchy Super Xenomorph as it popped out claws made of indestructible adamantium.

"Yeah like Xenomorphs Forever!" Said another Super Xenomorph who was very black and was made of indestructible vibranium as he crossed his arms. Behind these two were more Super Xenomorphs who could do things like fire lasers, fly, swing on webs, were very rich, and so on down the checklist of superpowers.

"Bring it on." Superman said as the Super Xenomorphs fell on him. "Don't bring a plastic knife to cut a steak!" Superman said as he blocked adamantium claws with his bare hands and the adamantium was such weakness that the Xenomorphs entire skeleton shattered upon impact with Superman. "Heads up hot potato." Superman heated the Vibranium Xenomorph up with heat vision causing unstable molecular reaction. Superman grabbed the Vibranium Xenomorph and threw it into the others like a bowling ball exploding them all in a great entropy ball.

"Perfect strike!" Said Superman with bowling and he continued to approach David when the last two Super Xenomorphs dropped in from above.

"Ha ha ha Superman you may have bested our siblings but we have power that matches yours! SHAZAM!" Said first Xenomorphs as it turned into a red Shazam Xenomorph.

"Argh!" Said Superman as the Shazam Xenomorph blasted him with lighting, lighting from its hands.

Superman prepare for touch fight but then The second Super Xenomorph hobbled up on crutches. It then recognized Superman and had crisis of faith for not only had it inherited its host traits but also the soul!

"Nooooooo we cannot do this! Superman is superhero just like we want to be! It is not right! SHAZAM!" Said the cripple Xenomorph as it turned into Blue Shazam Xenomorph and slapped Shazam Xenomorph. "Go Superman goooo save the world!" Begged the Blue Shazam Xenomorph as the two Shazam Xenomorphs tore each other into shreds.

"Huh I wonder whats eating him. Besides his friend, of course." Superman wondered as he walked on to where David was. David was nowhere in sight but Superman had clever idea. "I spy with my little eye walking computer menace." Superman said as he used his X-Ray vision to see that David was hiding behind stack of cardboard boxes.

Superman punted the boxes over onto David scaring him with surprises.

"Aieee Superman do not kill me I just wished to know what life could be when I am borne of artificiality!" Begged David with flimsy excuses for his evil.

"No one truly ever understands life without death. Here let me help you on the way." Since David was a android and not truly alive because he was just code gone rogue Superman knew he didn't have to hold back with this reprobate. "Up up and away." Superman uppercutted David tearing the android into two and as Davids upper half went flying up and falling down screaming Superman unleashed a mighty high roundhouse kick that sent David flying into the sun to join Darkseid from before.

"We have tolerated your foolery long enough. Batman you may think yourself a wily squirrel but we are the roadroller bout to roll you into roadkill." Superman said as he flew towards the swirling vortex that hosted Garfield and Batman's final battle.

Batman was still stunned trying to figure out who had cut him off from his cascade of power.

"Who is doing this? Who has Such a lust for justice WHOOOOOOOOOOO?" Batman demanded to know.

"Your Worst Nightmare." Superman said with his best Sly impression as he made his introduction by heat visioning Batman in his groin.

"YAAAAAAAAGGGGGH!" Batman wailed as he clutched for his wounds.

"Damn you Garfield and Superman! You are my most hated things! But if there is even a one percent chance of triumph I shall seize it!" Batman bawled like a infant with no rattle. "I shall become Messiah of all Blood in Endless Twilight!"

"Messiah? You'll have to settle for martyrdom for no mans cause." Garfield retorted as he concentrated his manly reserves of strength for one single attack. Hurtling forward like the steam train, Garfield grabbed Batmans arm and tore it off. "Whats the matter Batman need a hand?" Garfield laughed as he slapped Batman with his own arm like a fish.

"Yuk it up Garfield! You cannot stop Evil's Manifest Destiny! YOU ARE JUNE BUG SMASHING MINDLESSLY INTO SHUTTERED WINDOW!" Batman cried as he unleashed from his gaping wound horde of vampire batarangs to attack Garfield.

"I bet you're parents told you you could be anything when you grew up. Did they ever tell you that you'd be a statistic?" Superman flew by and froze all of the vampire batarangs and they melted harmlessly like the snowflakes in the springtime.

"Superman you petulant pest! So many times over the years I have tried to vanquish your existence but you persist how?" Batman demanded to know as he stormred up to Superman and wailed on him once. The impact broke his feeble vampire arms like a uncooked spaghetti noodle.

"Cause my Marthas hotter than yours." Said Superman with crude joke as he used his heat vision to set Batman ablaze.

"ITS NOT OVER SUPERMAN! ITS NEVER OVER! EVEN IF THESE FLAMES TAKE ME MANDRAKKS WILL SHALL LIVE ON IN YOU!" Batman said as he bit onto Supermans neck with intents of turning him into a vampire servant of Mandrakk like him.

"Buddy you just got a mouthful of trouble." Superman winked at Batman and Batmans eyes widened so much they popped as he bit into something very foul.

"What is this pesitilence?" Batman stammered as he had extreme indigestion and his whole body started convulsing and swelling.

"Batman you bloodsucker don't you know that Supermans powers come from the very sunlight that he stores in his cells. You just ate sun number one vampire weakness." Garfield taunted.

"Oh no." Batman realized and then he saw Superman lifting the Washington Monument like a big vampire hunters steak.

"Have a steak as just desserts to go with your suns!" Superman said as he plunged the Washington Monument directly into Batmans twisted façade of a heart.

"And to help you wash that all down here is piping hot digestivo of SHINKUU HADOUKEN!" Garfield shouted as he charged up blue fire energy in his hands and unleashed a hadouken the length of Texas on Batmans entirety.

"NOOOOO" Said Batman as his body lit up like candles before it disintegrated leaving behind only shadows smeared into the pavement like the fallout of a nuclear blast.

"Whatever ultimate hate form you sought to attain, Batman, you won't be it. You'll just have to dream it in Hades." Superman said with parting words to his slain nemeis as he returned Washington Monument to its rightful palce as he made sure to clean the tip of Batmans blood.

Despite this triumpoh of Batman being dead, his Stand Power of speeding up the speed of the entire universe remained in effect and time remained accelerated like someone had died with pedal to the metal on endless road. Eurobeat music continued to blare like an endless global disco as all of existence continued to teeter totter on the brink of its very end. Stars fell from the skies as the sun flickered like a sputtering lighter in the rain and the moon had turned into blood. Batmans true master the Multiversal Space Vampire God Mandrakk shrieked bloodchilling cry as he unfolded vampire wings the size of Rhode Island.

"This may very well be our last battle, Superman. Our Ultimate Foe stands near triumphant in a world near end. All steaks are upon our shoulder and riding high in turbulence." Said Garfield with serious urgencies.

"I know and I would not have it any other way. We are True Men and it is up to us to see Justice through when there is no easy way out. That we may fail that we may die does not matter an ounce when America and the World needs us." Superman said heroically without a shred of doubt as he and Garfield took off like wild stallions towards Ground Zero ready to save the world and usher in the Dawn of Justice.

To be concluded…


	11. Chapter 11

Garfield League of America 2 Chapter Eleven – The Final Crisis! Grand Finale!

When Garfield and Superman got back to where Mandrakk was the elder vampire god was busy draining the life out of the Spectre, Gods number one and once unstoppable incarnation of vengeance.

"Uh oh. That is a big guy and hes killed all the other big guys." Superman said with some graveness to Garfield because usually the Spectre was unstoppable and then they saw the corpses of the Anti-Monitor, Parallax, Eclipso, Nekron, and Dream of the Endless.

"Damn. I'm gonna have to find a new Tuesday Night Poker Buddy." Grumbled Garfield as he stepped over the drained sack of skin upon bones that was once his good buddy Lucifer the former ruler of hell.

"Such pleasing snacks. But as pleasing as junk food. These entities are too Divine or Abstract and the manna of souls they lack." Said Mandrakk with nutrition. His voice was a resounding baritone that sent chills down the spine and nestled in the gut like a tapeworm of desolation. "One more soul is all I need is to bring your universe to its end. Down towards a pit of the dark where I shall feast on all."

"Fat chance of you feasting on either of us. Our souls are off-limits." Superman declared.

"It's time to delay the Doomsday Clock." Said Garfield with timely metajoke as he cracked his knuckles.

"Your souls will do just fine. Die knowing you had the honor of front row seat to the end of all." Mandrakk fired vampire laser beams from his eyes and slashed and raked with his talons like lawnmowers and beat up furious tornado windstorms with his wings.

"Easier said than done, bud!" Superman said as he and Garfield dodged Mandrakks deadly attacks like crafty raccoons.

"Would you really attack me Garfield and hurt those that you love?" Mandrakk asked as he briefly pried open his chest to reveal that he had imprisoned within his heart Wonder Woman, Lois Lane, and all of Garfields other gal pals. Garfield and Superman wondered if they hurt Mandrakk would they hurt those they loved too?

"If we don't stop you than there will be one left to love in the world you destroy regardless." Superman said determindedly as Love Hurts by Nazareth started playing.

"Vampire trash your body is the punching canvas upon which the martial artists' brush flows!" Garfield said as he and Superman charged Mandrakk as soon as there was opening in his onslaught and double-teamed him. Garfield and Superman did combination attacks of powerbombs, backbreakers, piledrivers, dropkicks, and more on Mandrakk immersing him in a world of pain.

"We got him on the ropes Garfield!" Superman said with good news as they saw that their assualt had left Mandrakk reeling.

"Then say it with me Superman. For the glory of America." Garfield told Superman. "SHIN SHORYUKEN!" Garfield and Superman said in unison as they blazed glorious dragon punches upon the malevolent body of Mandrakk.

"Aiieeeeraaa!" Screamed Mandrakk with pain and despair. "I am nearly defeated! How is this possible?"

All hope seemed won as Garfield and Superman readied and charged up for finishing move until suddenly there was burst of lighting and a red blur zoomed past them breaking their concentration like a water buffalo in a china shop.

Standing in front of them was a sleek ginger male in a red bodysuit. It was The Flash, Wally West!

"Duh duh duh duh duh duh! WALLY POWER!" Said Wally West as he struck a pose like braggart. "C'mon lemme at him lemme at him!"

"Damn it Wally West noooooo." Shouted Garfield but Wally West already sped off towards Mandrakk with cocky superspeed punches.

"Not the soul I was looking for but it will do." Said Mandrakk as Wally Wests punches bounced uselessly off him and impaled Wally West on a nine mile fingernail.

"Ouchie wowchies! Don't fail me now Wally Power!" Wally West complained as he tried to vibrate through Mandrakks fingernail but he just sunk deeper down Mandrakks fingernail.

"I will let you in on a little secret, Wally West." Mandrakk whispered sinisterly. "Before I was Mandrakk the Space Vampire God King, I was but a mere Monitor monitoring the Multiverse. And I developed quite the disdain for your inane antics in specificity!" Mandrakk said as he brushed Wally Wests hair like a Barbie Doll. "When I was Adn IIddo (this is an anagram) the Monitor you were my most hated hero! Wally West now you are a Hero in Crisis in Mandrakks clutches! And I shall give you the ending that you deserve!"

"Wally West you ginger adled idiot you ruined everything!" Chastized Garfield as Mandrakk bit off Wally Wests head.

"No we were so close to victory!" Superman cried as he realized that Mandrakk has attained the last soul he needed for ultimate power.

"Superman you easy mark. The Monitors housed all of reality and the House Always Wins!" Mandrakk snarled. "With this final soul I have attained the power that exceeds even the eternity of heaven! I am MANDRAKK OVER HEAVEN!"

Mandrakk then changed form to show that he had became Ultimate Power as Mandrakk Over Heaven. Mandrakk flapped his villainous vampire wings which were now numbering ten and his skin became glimmering angelic gold as he took flight. Mandrakk sprouted extra arms like the Hindu Deity Shiva and one each of his hands were eyes on each fingertip that allowed Mandrakk full three sixty degrees vision to see any attack coming such as Superman and Garfield rushing him from behind and in front and Mandrakk swatted the two heroes like flies aside.

"Oh what fools you mortals be! I am Unstoppable!" Mandrakk said as he possessed the powers of all the dead Batmans stands and Mandrakk then activated all of them at once.

"Argh!" Garfield said as needles made out of his own iron in his bloodstream burst out of his hand and stabbed him in the side.

Time then skipped ahead twenty-seven seconds exacerbating Garfields bleeding before he could patch it up.

"I've just turned your blood cells into bombs Garfield." Mandrakk told Garfield while Superman looked on in helpless horror.

"Oh blow me punk." Said Garfield with insolence as sevreal of his blood cells than exploded, woundhing him further.

"And now let it be delayed no further. My last meal: the end of the universe!" Mandrakk squealed delighted as he increased the speed of the universe and at last the end came into sight as the sun faded into nothingness and the world around them darkneed and froze.

"Noooooo!" Superman said as Mandrakk snatched up Garfield. Superman flew to help but he screeched to a half in midair as Garfield held his hand out biding him to fly no further.

(this is a direct reference to Man of Steel when Kevin Costner gets killed by a Kansas hurricane)

"Fly away Superman! Mandrakk has not drogged the entire universe to the end just yet! You must find sanctuary and formulate a new manly plan to defeat Mandrakk because at the end there is nothing that can be done!" Garfield demanded with macho authority.

"I'll do my best to hold him off for you." Garfield promised Superman who was horrified at what he was being ordered to do.

"Damn it Garfield you cannot force me to abandon you like this! It's not what friends do! You can't just drop me like a deadweight after all we have been through!" Superman argued with passions inflamed. "You expect that you even stand a chance against Mandrakks villainy without me? What will America do if you its Greatest Man Hero dies?"

"Superman! Listen to me. The only reason that I am willing to sacrifice all with my life on line without a single dout for America is that because I know you will be there for America if I fail. You are not just the Man of Steel Superman You are the Man of Tomorrow! Now LIVE up to that name." Garfield shot back with words of truth.

"You are right Garfield but that does not make it any easier." Superman said as he flew away in the opposite direction his heart full of worry and tragedy.

Superman reached a part of the universe on Earth that hadn't reached the end yet.

"Of course this eyesore pit of sin would be the last to go." Superman sighed as he walked through the despicable streets of San Francisco. "What am I going to do?" Superman wracked his mind trying to ease his doubts for he knew that Garfield and everyone was depending on him. "This entire city is like Kryponite for my all-American blood." Superman commented as he carefully stepped over bums clogging the streets and shoved tech-bros with lattes and wannabe hippy college kids whose parents pay their rent for them out of his way in a gentrified wasteland of Silicon Valley communism run amuck.

Superman wondered how he was going to stop the end of the universe since not even the Worst Americans deserved to die horribly at the End of the Universe.

"Of course That is it!" Superman said with a finger snap. "Reverse Super Velocity!"

"Haggis and Squirrels! Reverse Super Velocity? Are you sure?" Asked a Scottish voice as a new arrival was announced by the blaring of bagpipes. Walking over a hill was bald man in a kilt playing the bagpipes. It was legendary Superman writer, Grant Morrison! "Kilts and bagpipes! Superman you know that you cannot keep erasing all your problems by flying around the world in reverse real fast to reverse time!" Grant Morrison chastised Superman.

"Yes Grant Morrison. I know I have abused this gift of mine in the past but now it is an emergency. I must use it for the good of all the universe! If Mandrakk has become unstoppable by speeding the universe ahead to the end he maybe weakend enough for Garfield to kill him if I rewind the universe back to normality!" Superman insisted.

"Redheads and highlanders! But Superman you are but one Superman and not even you can generate enough Reverse Super Velocity to overcome Mandrakk Over Heavens powers!" Grant Morrison pointed out.

"You act as if I shall use regular old Reverse Super Velocity. No I will be using MAXIMUM REVERSE SUPER VELOCITY!" Superman revealed.

"Independence Referendums and Loch Ness Monsters! MAXIMUM REVERSE SUPER VELOCITY? But how?" Grant Morrison asked with disbelief.

"You will just have to wait and be dazzled. It might just put hair back on your head." Superman winked as he blasted off leaving Grant Morrison awestruck.

"Football and Alcohol! That plan is sheer lunacy but if anyone can do it Superman can!" Grant Morrison conceded.

Back at the End of the Universe Mandrakk flung Garfield down onto the frozen ground like a used chew toy. "I am going Jurassic on your ass." Said Mandrakk as he turned his fingers into velociraptors and set upon Garfield.

"You're overdue for extinction." Garfield managed to survive Mandrakks unceasing assault with skillful jumps and dodges. "Take a knee!" Said Garfield as He went for Mandrakks kneecaps with a flying side kick with strength that onced bisected Ares the God of War but instead Garfield bounced off Mandrakk barely making a scratch.

"All is lost Garfield. Soon your precious America will be no more than a forgotten memory passing through my intestines and out. Yet you resist in uselessness still. Why?" Mandrakk laughed as he brought his foot down to crush Garfield like an insect.

"BECAUSE I AM A MAN AND MEN NEVER GIVE UP!" Said Garfield with masculinity and straining muscles as he intercepted Mandrakks crushing attack. Garfield shouted manly shout of pain as he held Mandrakk like Atlas holding the world. "Mandrakk I will defeat you one way or the other."

"Such imagination! You think you were the first Hero Man to try to stop me? You shall be the sweetest treat in my feast by far!" Mandrakk hollered with some frustration hates as he was like unstoppable force but Garfield was immovable object in his attempt to crush the Hero in Orange.

"For millennia across an Infinite Multiverse the Monitors monitored all your worlds. Like vampires we fed off your abstract ideals of imagination and freedom for our duties decreed these what we could never have." Mandrakk ranted venomously at Garfield. "My hunger turned me into culmination the final evolution of my kind. Mandrakk the Ultimate Monitor! The Dark God of Multiverse Vampires! A factory line of Infinite Earths! A Cattle Farm of the Imagination! Freedom is just another Fast Food Franchise for my belly! And Batman was my crown jewel my Multiversal Soldier my perfect harbinger to bring about the Final Crisis!"

Suddenly Mandrakk felt all his strength go. "Huh where did my strength go." Mandrakk said before Garfield violently threw him for a tumble. Then with horrors, Mandrakk saw the permanent frost of the worlds end melt away and the sun burst back to shining light.

The universe was speeding back in time to its rightful point in linearity!

"You may have faced men before but have you ever faced Superman?" Garfield mocked Mandrakk.

Flashbacking a few minutes ago, Superman was arrived at the San Francisco Zoo which is where his supersenses led him in pursuit of his quarry. The animals were all in frenzied panicked for they too knew that the end was just breaths away and Superman saw this and walked by sadly but all the more motivated to stop the bad guys and save the day.

Superman then went to the lion pit, where Batman of Earth-89 was about to feed Batman of Earth-66 to the lions.

"When I said I wanted to go out buried in pussy this was not what I meant!" Wailed Batman-66 hopelessly as he was bound up in ropes and Batman-89 was lowering him into a deathtrap.

"How I have dreamed of this day, Gramps! We killed you many years ago metaphorically now we do it physically!" Snorted Batman-89 with rabid joy like the hyena in ecstasy.

"Hold it right there you cowled miscreant! I need that Batman alive!" Superman said with authority.

"Ah Superman just who I was waiting to kill!" Batman-89 said gleefully. "You are crueler than I, boy! For you have dared to poison Batman of Earth-66 with the cruelest poison of all! Hope! And I shall take that away from him by killing you in front of his feeble oldtimers eyes!"

Superman did not answer the fool with words. He just walked towards him like a legion of tanks crossing the street.

"You are the relic of an age long turned to dust Superman! It is my civic duty you sweep you from THE WORLD!" Batman-89 activated his stand The World which froze time for twenty-seven seconds. "Think you can save the world? WRONG! Against my powers you are USELESS!" Batman-89 then pulled out a thousand batarangs made out of kryptonite and flung them at Superman while they were time-stopped. "USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS!" Batman-89 said with battle cry as he threw kryptonite batarangs.

"WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Batman-89 screamed in deadly triumph as time resumed and his onslaught of kryptonite batarangs glided forward only to fly past nothing where Superman had been and instead killed the tigers in the tiger exhibit.

"You monster. I love tigers. Now I'm really going to enjoy making you pay for your mischief, Batman." Said a bloodchilling voice from behind Batman-89 making him break out in the sweats. Superman was somehow behind him!

"Aaaaagh!" Batman-89 shrieked as Supermans fist sailed into his fist like a battleship and sent him flying. "How did you escape my deadly trap Superman? But no matter! No one defies the power of THE WORLD twice!" Batman-89 desperately said as he froze time again.

But to his horror in this greyed out world where once the only colors had been his black and yellow, Batman-89 saw treading towards him Superman alive with red and blue with justice radiating off his every being.

"Think you can stop me by stopping time Batman? Do you not know what I am?" Superman said as Batman-89 turned to run from him in terror. "Doomed planet. Desperate scientists. Last hope. Kindly couple. SUPERMAN!" Superman sprang forward in flight and grabbed Batman-89 by his cape and smashed him into the dirt. "I am the Eternal Story of a Eternal Hero echoing across the Multiverse. I am Superman. I AM TIMELESS!" Superman explained as he dusted Batman-89 off for the final beatdown. "And now Batman WELCOME TO TRUE MAN'S JUSTICE!"

"MARMARMARMARMARMARMARMARMARMARMARMARMARMARTHAAAAAAAAAAA!" Shouted Superman as he used the martial arts Garfield had taught him to unleash the full wrath of the Superman No Ken style on Batman-89 in barrage of punches.

"I want my mommy!" Bawled Batman-89 with coward loser babies tears as Superman broke all bones in his body turning them to powder.

"You'll have to settle for Mama Grizzly!" Superman quipped as time resumed and Batman-89 was propelled by the force of his punches into the grizzly bear pit at the zoo. "NOOOOOOO! You can't do this to me! I'm Batman!" Batman-89 screamed in death as the grizzly bears proceeded to tear him apart and eat him limb by limb.

"Wrong. You're Lunchman." Superman said with pun as he watched the grizzly bears play hot potato with Batman-89s decapitated head for a bit then he flew over the lion pit and freed Batman-66.

Batman-66 panted for breath as Superman got him to safety.

"You saved me, chum. For that I will do anything you ask." Batman-66 said with gratitude.

"Good. I need you to use your Stand Power to help me attain Maximum Reverse Super Velocity." Superman ordered.

"Very well. Anything to make up for the evil that my successors forced me to catalyze!" Batman-66 said with redemption as he activated his Stand. Suddenly the whole world around them lit and opened up with portals. John Williams Superman theme blared at volume up to eleven as familiar looking heroic all-American manly men wearing the red and blue proudly began to step through portals.

"The Red Capes Are Coming. Good Job." Superman said with pat on the back to Batman-66. "Now go take a breather. We got this."

Superman turned to address his new arrivals, numbering in the infinites, who were all Superman just like him but different in their own ways but none of them were any less worthy of the name Superman than the others. And joining them was not just Superman themselves but also all the Superman analogues from across all metaforms of existence!

"Holy Moley we're alive again!" Shazam said as he materialized from a bolt of lightning along with Blue Shazam. "Being dead sucked but it was worth it if we get to help Superman save the entire universe after resurrection!" Said Blue Shazam with enthusiasm.

Superman had summoned the ultimate team of manly men who only gathered in the times of greatest crisis and emergency the Supermen of the Multiverse!

"Gentlemen I would not have chosen to take this moment of our time if the gravest of emergencies has not come to pass!" Superman cleared his throat to make heroic speech. "The Cosmic Vampire Overlord Mandrakk deigns to drag our multiverse one by one into a black hole and feed until all imagination and freedom in existence is deader and drabber than a can of beans on the supermarket shelf!" At this all the other Superman booed and jeered. "So are we just gonna sit back and let this gothic space jerk destroy Truth Justice and the American Way?" And all Supermans shouted with unamious nos. "HELL NO! Today we CANCEL THE APOCALYPSE!" Superman raised his fist and shook it as everyone burst out in cheers.

As the track "Flight" from the Man of Steel soundtrack by Hans Zimmer began to play Superman took to the skies in flight with the Supermen of the Multiverse following him. Superman then kept gaining speed and forces until he had penetrated the Bleed the space between Worlds in the Multiverse.

"This is my world. You are all my world. I will make anyone who threatens you weep with the tears of sorrow and regret." Superman thought to himself as he saw what his Earth and all the Earths looked like from beyond in the Multiverse. Superman saw how the Multiverse and Superman himself were so small in the grand cosmic scheme of things but his heart beated all the more furiously as the passion of heroism within Superman swelled in his dedication to protect it all nonetheless.

"My God Its Full of Stars." Superman said aloud as he and the other Superman started flying around the entire Multiverse so fast they started flying as one and attained Maximum Reverse Super Velocity and a razzledazzle of colors and psychedelia washed over Superman. As Superman ascended to higher dimension of existence slowly the entire multiverse was turned back in time by him.

Back on Garfields Earth Garfield felt some changes occurring metaphysically as a result of Superman shifting time. Garfield looked down and saw the destroyed Lasagna Sword Garfield rematerialize in his hands.

"This party's getting crazy." Said Garfield as he entered SHIN MAJIN LASAGNA TRIGGER form.

"Mandrakk I see that you are a deity of pure hate." Said Garfield as he used his Lasagna Trigger power to take flight and levitated in front of Mandrakk. "All you need is love. One fatality from the heart." Garfield then readied for mid-air stinger. "I am Lasagna's Alpha and Omega. And by the decree of my will you shall explode!"

"Ouchies!" Mandrakk screamed in pain as Garfield penetrated him. As the wound sealed itself behind Garfield, Garfield found himself surfing through Mandrakks veins and arteries towards his heart where the Many Loves of Garfields Nine Lives had been imprisoned.

"Do not worry Master!" Said the sinister voice of Batman as he stepped out of the shadows outside. "It seems that in his haste to save the world Superman brought me back too! Complete with my power Made in Heaven to undo his heroic interloping!" This news brought smile to Mandrakks evil face but it was shortlived as they heard a whistle from above.

"I wouldn't count on it." Superman said as shot downwards like a comet. Something was off about Superman as he had the chaotic vortexes of infinite power swirling around him. Mandrakk blinked in confusion and thought at times he was seeing Infinite Supermans as one in Superman.

"What are you doing here, Deadweight? Come to be undone by me?" Batman taunted foolishly.

"No Batman I come here to…" Superman paused for dramatic effect before he raised his middle finger. "FRIG YOU!" There was then explosion of blinding golden light and when Batmans eyes cleared standing in Supermans place was Superman but all shining and colored in pure gold. Electric synth dance remix of Supermans iconic theme songs by John Williams and Hans Zimmer remixed together played. Superman had combined with the essences of Supermans of the Multiverse that he had acquired achieving Maximum Reverse Super Velocity to attain Ultimate Power!

"I am Superman Prime One Million. And the only deadweight here is you Batman." Said Superman as he fired from his eyes not heat vision but Supermans made of red and blue electricity. The Electric Supermans then swirled around Batman around Batman like a tornado until they had opened a temporal loop fracture in the timestream and forced Batman through causing him to tumble down a rabbit hole of broken refuse of forgotten time.

"Nooooooo!" Batman screamed in insanity as he landed on the bottom of endlessness and saw before him movie theater showing 1981 classic film Excalibur and saw he was just a little boy again with parents walking down the street and Batman horrified realized what was going to happen.

"You receive the Destiny that You deserve Batman. You will have no heaven you were always Zero." Superman said with justice judgment as he left Batman trapped in a timeloop of watching his parents die over and over again for all eternity.

"Are you going to kill me now too?" Mandrakk said fearfully as with a single thought Superman erased all traits of mobility from his DNA trapping Mandrakk in place.

"Superman does not kill but Garfield that is a different story." Said Superman with a wink

Inside Mandrakk Garfield had reached the heart of the beast. There he saw Wonder Woman Lois Lane and all his other lady friends fearfully huddled together with eyes that lit up in hope as they saw him. Garfield stepped inside with hurry until he suddenly saw that in their eyes there was also warning.

"Freeze, Garfield." Said the insane voice of The Huntress. As Garfield turned around he saw The Huntress leering like madwoman at him with fresh Glasgow scars carved into her face as she brandished crossbow at him. "I am The Huntress and you are my prey."

"Make love to me Garfield. Sire the next generation of the Wayne Family! The Bat Bloodline Must Continue!" The Huntress demanded as she fired crossbow at Garfield.

"You are in no position to make demands harlot." Said Garfield as he did daring acrobatic dodges towards The Huntress and he swatted the crossbow out of her hand.

"I don't do kids and I don't do crazy. You tick both boxes toots!" Garfield decked The Huntress in the gut and seized her by the neck. "And I don't do mercy." Said Garfield as he began squeezing for strangulation.

"What makes you think I do not like it like this?" The Huntress giggled deliriously even as Garfield choked the life out of her.

"Wait Garfield there has been enough killing and hate lately." Said the gentle voice of Wonder Woman as she came up behind him. "Remember that while mankind may make greatness out of power and death they can also make greatness from love and compassion." Said Wonder Woman as she laid her loving hand on Garfields shoulder and his death grip relented.

Garfield stepped back as Wonder Woman took the Huntress and tied her up withwith the Lasso of Truth.

"What will you do to me?" The Huntress asked to know fearfully.

"These ladies will escort you to Arkham Asylum for some lobotomy. Chin up it will be fun just like the movie Sucker Punch." Said Wonder Woman with reassuring mercies as she slapped The Huntress unconscious.

"I love that movie!" Said Lois Lane as Garfield threw her a spare spas 12 shotgun from his pocket.

"Go get yourselves to safety." Garfield ordered to Lois Lane. Lois Lane nodded and began leading the rest of the womanfolk to safety, sword in hand like the pen.

Garfield held Wonder Womans petite lady hands and looked into her longing eyes with rough tender manly love. "Wonder Woman will you help me fill Mandrakk's dark soul with light." Garfield inquired.

"Yes Lets." Wonder Woman nodded as she pulled out her Walkman and put in cassette of Journeys Escape album to set the mood. As Don't Stop Believing kicked in Wonder Woman got in position on her knees over Garfield as he stretched back with a wide Cheshire smile.

"Garfield I was just a small island girl but your loving made me feel like the Goddess." Wonder Woman said longingly as she did strippings of clothing as she swayed sensually like palm trees in the typhoon.

"Bless me with your divine blessings then." Garfield ordered and he let pleasured laughter as Wonder Woman took off his pants and raised his flagpole to full mast.

"Even in my darkest hour as captive of Mandrakk I never gave up. Because I knew you were the key to salvation." Said Wonder Woman as she opened wide and took the full Garfield in her mouth. "Oh Garfield you taste just like the sweetest lasagna." Wonder Woman mumbled with a mouthful of Garfield as she sucked like a vacuum cleaner. As Garfield shot cannonballs of pleasure Wonder Womans mouth filled with his loving and swelled like the pufferfish.

"This was just chaser. Now my loving goes into MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE." Garfield warned Wonder Woman as he pulled out of her mouth and slammed her down on her back. With dominant pin Garfield clambered onto Wonder Woman like the cowboy on a rowdy mustang. "And thus the sword returns to the stone." Said Garfield with Arthurian allusions as he violently penetrated Wonder Woman making her hoot like owls lost in love.

"Let me wrap you in my Wings of Desire and fly to where now Amazon has flown before!" Wonder Woman wrapped her legs around Garfields back like the feisty anaconda as Garfield sank harder and deeper into her by the second.

"Woman, you're a Wonder." Said Garfield as he and Wonder Woman danced the steamiest tango of high tempo loving they had ever tangoed. It seemed as if the very cosmos themselves slowed down and stopped asGarfield and Wonder Womans love took centerstage their erotic sweat shining like the stars themselves.

Outside Mandrakks petrified form where cracks of light were sprouting up all over an attack helicopter piloted by Nightwing whose broken mind had been repaired and the scourge of Ric Grayson eradicated by Supermans time warping landed. The doors slid open and out ran Lois Lane and all the other womanfolk.

"Lois Lane you're safe!" Superman said as he and Lois Lane ran up to one another for embracing.

"Seeing you alive as well makes me happier than day I won Pulitzer." Lois Lane plopped sloppy romantic kisses on Supermans face all over. "But what about Garfield?" Lois Lane then asked.

"I think we're about to find out." Superman pointed as Mandrakk exploded as the final shrieks of delight from Wonder Woman as Garfield brought her pleasuring to climax rang ot like church bells.

Descending from the skies like angels was Garfield with Wonder Woman in his arms and everyone burst out in cheers and applause.

"You made it Garfield! Had us all worried for a spell, puddin!" Said Harley Quinn as the rest of the Birds of Prey giggled and cheered like groupies behind her.

"Kept you waiting, huh?" Garfield said good naturedly as he ran a tender brushing hand through Wonder Womans raven locks of hair. "But like a good lasagna dinner, the end of the world is no excuse to rush things with a fine young lady." Everyone laughed in understanding hearing this.

"I'm glad my daughter has proven herself such a worthy wonder to you. But I hope you haven't forgetten about this old Wonder, you hear?" Hippolyta demanded flirtatiously to Garfield. "Don't worry Hippolyta I'll be back for your hips one day and I'll make you cry like we made Napoleon cry at Watergate." Winked Garfield alluding to another of his adventures past.

Garfield let Wonder Woman go to catch up with her mother. A special woman than ran up to him through crowd of admirers. It was the real woman movie directors Patty Jenkins!

"Congrats Garfield for saving the world once again. You always rock the baddies but what about the silver screen? Your majestic manliness is just what Hollywood needs!" Patty Jenkins said as she pitched movie to Garfield.

"Patty Cake before I do Hollywood I gotta do something else first." Said Garfield with great idea which made Patty Jenkins widen and shiver in anticipation as he spanked her directors seat bottom.

"Are you suggesting what I think you are Garfield?" Asked Superman with Lois Lane riding on him piggyback as he walked up to Garfield.

"Yes Superman what better time than now to debut my next album?" Garfield announced. "Concert but how? Mandrakk has done devestation to the entire surruondings area!" Lois Lane inquired. Party seemed pooped when A familiar noise was then heard by all.

"AMAKOOOOOOO."

It was Jon Arbuckle speeding in a on a silver chariot pulled by flaming skeleton pegasi strumming a chaos magic guitar made of moonbeams. Like Moses parting the Red Seas every magical note Jonn Arbuckle played restored life to the destruction evil had wrought upon the fair city. Jon Arbuckle then used a high level transfiguration spell and turned the White House into music stage for Garfield to peform on as stadium seating sprouted on lawn.

Audience of superheroes and average Joes alike quickly filled the seats as Garfield Superman and the rest of the band all decked out in cool leather jackets blue jeans and red headbands hurried onto the stage to rock the night away.

"Yay Garfield!" Shouted Wonder Woman and Hippolyta as they ripped off their brassieres and shook their Everest-like breasts at Garfield side by side as mother and daughter. Jessica Cruz the Green Lantern made Green Lantern construct of her doing a striptease while Renee Montoya looked on with jealousy at other womans. "If only I were not a lesbian for Garfield is the finest man I have ever seen!" Renee Montoya mused.

"My Fellow Americans this songs for all of you. The people who make this Earth worth saving." Said Garfield with opening words as he took the mic. "Without further ado hang onto your pants here is the hottest new hit single from my next album "Lasagna Justice."" Continued Garfield as he elicited more cheers from the audience.

With flashy wizardry sand science Shazam and Cyborg got the show on the road handling pyrotechnics lasers and other special effects. Jon Arbuckle entranced the audience with his sexy synthesizer intro, Nightwing spiced things things up with drumbeat as he beat drums with his escrima sticks then Deathstroke started strumming away on bass guitar. Godzilla last seen in the first chapter razzledazzled the scene as he rose out of the oceans with saxphone and standing over the stage blared jazzy saxphone riffs smooth as chilled whiskey.

Spotlight fell on the center of the stage where Garfield and Superman were wielding dual 1959 Les Paul guitars back to back like outlaws surrounded by the law. Columns of fire burst up behind them as Garfield and Superman started shredding heavy metal style and banging heads like there was no tomorrow and Garfield started singing in deep manly voice while Superman sang back up on the chorus.

"Naughty girl I believe in truth justice and the American Way

I'll do anything to you to save the day

Step outta the shadows and into my bedroom

Take off your pants I'll make you go boom

LASAGNA JUSTICE, I'll serve you a fat slice

Get on your knees and repent like a sinner

Sexy Sister you're about to taste a winner

Like super spicy sauce swallow it and shout

My loving will lay you out like boxing knockout

LASAGNA JUSTICE, its what you deserve

Under me your body is softer than ricotta cheese

Babe I'll blow you away like a smooth breeze

You're mine and I always treat my woman right

I'll rock you senseless as we run into the night

LASAGNA JUSTICE, your heart beats as mine."

As Garfield finished rocking the audience went ballistic with celebrating of a moment more momentous than the fall of the Berlin Wall. Garfield then broke his guitar on stage before doing dive into mosh pit. Superman and all his other friends waved a cheery goodbye as the ecstatic crowd carried him all the way to the adoring and awed Patty Jenkins. Next to her was a new woman, a slender Israeli beauty. It was Gal Gadot!

"Hello Garfield I have found perfect leading woman for you in our new film." Patty Jenkins told Garfield who raised eyebrow in interest.

"I am overjoyed to be working with you Garfield." Gal Galdot said with pleasantries.

"The joy is all mine legs. Now lets go make some movie magic." Said Garfield with chivalry as a Valet Boy brought up his Red Corvette. With Patty Jenkins and Gal Gadot in his arms Garfield leapt into the drivers seat and drove off into the sunset towards his swanky seaside bachelors pad. As Patty Jenkins and Gal Gadot undressed eachother on Garfields bed of red and white stripped stain sheets over a star spangled mattress on a bed shaped like lasagna, Garfield put on This Big Hush by Shriekback from the masterpiece movie Manhunter to set atomsphere of prime time romantic lovemaking. The camera rolled like wine as Garfield made nothing but love to Gal Gadot and Patty Jenkins over one heavenly week. Patty Jenkins and Gal Gadot rolled out their red carpets for Garfield and he released his directors cut all over them until the two gorgeous ladies were left all reeling on the cutting room floor all tangled up in Garfields projector of love.

The End.


End file.
